Confessions of a Queen Bee

30

"Jackson we need to talk." I say as I take a seat on my bed across from where he is sitting at my desk.

He swivels around on the chair to face me and give me his full attention. Our eyes meet and he nods, waiting for me to finish what I was saying but I stare back awkwardly, not knowing the words. In my silence, he must think I'm angry at him because he .

"I'm sorry about-" he gestures towards the bathroom and I close my eyes as I remember our proximity. We can't be doing that.

"I told Nora everything today." I say moving back so I was sat wrapped in my blanket against my pillows.

"About everything?" He asks and comes to join me on my bed. Something that is pretty normal between us now.

"Yeah, I'm sorry I didn't tell you first I'm sure you probably wanted me to."

"No Ivy, I'm proud of you." He says, and his hand goes to touch me but stops mid-air. "Is that why when I saw you earlier you were so upset?"

"No. i told her after i saw you. It was because-" I go to tell him about the jumper thing with Jayden and how that triggered memories of that night but I realise I am not ready for this to end. I can't do that to myself tonight. I don't think I'm ready to tell him.

Today has been a lot. "i'm sorry i'm trying to make the words come out but its alot harder than it seems." i say and groan a little, running my hands roughly through my hair.

"Ivy, I want to know. God, don't overthink but I want to know everything I possibly can about you. But if you aren't ready don't worry about it tonight. Let's just relax and turn this day around. I don't want having to open up to me to be something that further stresses you out."

I want to hug him. I want to say Thank you for understanding without even understanding in the slightest what is going on with me. So I close the gap between us and initiate a hug. I let him wrap an arm around my waist and pull me too him. I let myself lie next to him, my head placed in the nook of his arm. His body turned into mine.

"Or you can tell me. It's up to you." He says his hand lightly playing with the ends of my hair. We are too close to be just friends. I know this, but there's no way I can go back now.

"Can we just chill? I promise I'll tell you I just wanna be ok for a little bit." I say guiltily, feeling bad for messing with him.

Jackson's arms pull me so I'm more encased in his body, and for some reason I am okay with the physical contact.

Everything is just different when it comes to Jackson.

"Your parents like me a lot you know." He smirks at me.

I pull the cover up around us and place my head back down on his shoulder near his chest. His arm underneath my neck keeping me close to him.

"Oh, shh. You're not as charming as you think you are." I say to him, poking his side a little.

"Excuse me? I'm very charming." He states and starts moving his hand so its gently pulling my hair through his fingers. My hair fanning out behind me as he runs his fingers through it.

"Mmm." I mumble, not really paying attention to what he is saying because of how relaxed I felt. When someone plays with my hair it immediately makes me sleepy.

"Do your shoulders hurt? Like this?" He questions the way we are laid together and I just shrug a little.

"Not really. I took some painkillers before the game so they're probably still working."

"Please don't do this to yourself again. I know it's not my place to ask. I know things like this aren't as simple as 'just don't do it again'. But please, you asked me not to fight anymore." Jackson whispers at me, his hands continuing to stroke my head.