Confessions of a Queen Bee

26

"Where would you like to go for food?" He asks me. "We could just go get pizza?"

"Sure, where?"

"What do you mean where?"

"I just... I've never been to get pizza in town before."

"What do you mean?" He repeats confused. "Jay must have taken you out for pizza."

"I don't really eat takeaways."

"You always say you had pizza or Chinese for dinner..."

"Well yeah recently. Before I didn't. Now I am trying to be less of a- just less that person."

"Before what?" He asks, catching that little bit. 

I think about it. Telling him before the PTSD will highlight that something happened recently. So I shrug and just admit. "Before I broke Jayden's heart."

Jackson continues driving, I assume taking us to the pizza place. 

"We've never really acknowledged that before." Jackson says quietly. 

"I know."

"Like you and Layton-"

I visibly cringe, like- No. 

Just no. 

He changes it. "Your break up with Jay, like he seems to be the only one hurt by it. I guess you- I mean, did it happen with Layton because you didn't want to be with Jayden anymore?"

"Jackson." I say painfully. 

I could just fucking explain.

Just say I didn't do what he thinks. 

No don't. Please. 

I sigh. "I never meant to hurt Jayden."

He nods. "I know. I don't think you are the type of person who wants to hurt someone purposely either."

"I used to be." I admit. "Like I won't lie. It used to amuse me a little."

"But not anymore?"

"No I promise, not anymore."

He nods slowly, and I watch as he furrows his eyebrows together, my intensity probably confusing him. 

"Is Jayden still mad at you?" I ask. 

He nods. "Very much yes."

"So why? Like surely you prefer to- I just.. why are you here, helping me when Jayden's hurting too?"

He shrugs. "I want to be here."

"You don't want to be there?" I ask, referring to Jayden and the other guys. 

He shakes his head. "That's not what I am saying, I just- I want to be here more."

I look at him, he's pulling into a little parking lot on the outskirts of town. 

"Ivy?" He asks, looking to me. 

"Yeah?"

"Is that an issue? That I want to be here?"

I shake my head. "Not for me..." I whisper.

"Good, so we're good?"

I nod. "Yeah, we're good."

...

After we had grabbed a bite of pizza, which was really freaking good, Jackson drives and parks on the edge of what looks like a cliff. 

The beaches around our home were usually filled with tourists and honestly, all I associate them with is boy drama and trying to look my absolute best for whatever guy I would be with. Raising an eyebrow at Jackson I can't help but laugh gently as he wiggles his back. His seriousness from the last few days leaving him.