Confessions of a Queen Bee

Chapter 38

A/N BOO another update!

Make sure you read chapter 37 before this one. Otherwise it really wont make sense. 

 ik it seems obvious but when i upload twice on the same day people accidentally skip the first chapter.  

Anyway, have a good read.! 

I think I just went numb after that.

It was like there was an explosion within my brain, too many emotions, too much anxiety, too much stress that it just went fuck it. We'll settle for numb.

I woke my mum and Dad up and explained that me and Jackson were dancing in the rain and Layton must have been watching. I didn't want to admit that he actually could have been referring to a lot more than dancing. I didn't think it was significant nor did I have the energy.

My parents quickly rang the station, there were already police men outside my house for crying out loud. They were supposed to be watching. Making sure that if he came here, that would be it.

But it was increasingly obvious that he wasn't here anymore. A lot of police men came. A lot of them questioned who Jackson was and why he was here in the middle of the night. Which I didn't understand the relevance.

I didn't care enough to answer. My parents and Jackson did all the talking I just sat on the stairs waiting for something to give because something had to.

I couldn't do this anymore. I couldn't try and keep living my life for it to keep shattering under me.

I don't want to have to call the fucking police at 2AM because some psycho won't leave me alone.

Some psycho. Jesus Christ, he was once my fucking friend.

Jackson has been watching me closely and I feel his unease radiating off of him as we climb the stairs together. My parents are still downstairs, they're checking all the locks and the police are doing a quick sweep of the inside and outside of the premises.

Apparently, they're going to double the surveillance. It doesn't matter now. He's already been here, he could have easily come in, I don't know what he wants. I don't want to know what he wants. I just want this all to be over with.

But it's not going to be. Is all this shit ever going to end?

Because even if they arrest him, there's going to be a trial, or at least a hearing. And that's going to take so much time. Not only that, they're going to ask me all sort of questions and I'm going to have to see him again. One way or another. Even if he doesn't get to me before he's arrested. I'm going to have to see him.

But that's not even it though is it? Because if he is found guilty, they don't even get that long in prison, do they? And also, it's not as if I'm ever going to forget him. He made himself a forever person in my mind,  that's pretty clear.

Climbing back into bed I face away from Jackson, not out of anything other than sheer exhaustion. I know he wants to talk, I know he wants to know if I'm ok. But I just want everything to be quiet.

I'm not tired in the slightest, but my head feels too heavy for my shoulders, my eyelids drooping out of sheer emotional exhaustion.

I don't mind this numb feeling yanoe.

Although, settling on numb is probably not a good idea for me.

It's how I felt before all this. Full circle perhaps.

Jackson climbs into bed with me and I know he wants to reach out. But I'm happy that he doesn't. Kinda happy anyway. I wish we could go back into our little bubble we had going an hour ago. Apparently, that's not something that's plausible.