Confessions of a Queen Bee

Chapter 32

A/N i hope you's appreciate how much i dreaded writing this chapter. Like its a big important chapter and i just wanted to do it justice lol

Remember to comment! It makes my day

*Hehe don't be too angry with Jackson. he just has big emotions.*

I leave our spot on my bedroom floor and go to turn the light on. Both of us flinching at the sudden brightness.

"Jackson, I don't even know what I wrote, I wrote it all down in the middle of the night yesterday. It's harsh and probably awful to read. This isn't how I wanted to tell you but every time I go to tell you, I just can't."

He nods at me slowly, I think he's still in shock from what just happened between us. I'm numb to be honest. I don't think what just happened between us will ever be able to happen again. But as I watch his flushed face send me a half smile, I know I haven't felt this way about anyone before.

This is what makes it even more fucked. He looks strikingly good and I am dreading the fact that the warmth he's currently showing me is going to vanish.

I can just feel it.

"It's just in here." I open my desk draw and throw him the little notebook I had written it all down in.

He starts to flick through it to find the writing and my heart feels as if it's about to break away from between my chest plates. I can't watch him read this I just can't. I take off my jumper as the room increases in temperature. Jackson settles on the first page and I already feel as if the air in the room is getting thicker.

His eyes flicker to mine and I guess I hadn't been able to hide the growing anxiety because he leaves the book and his spot on the floor and comes towards where I am standing perched against my desk.

"You need to calm down." He whispers, taking my hands in his. Its easy for him to say, he doesn't know what's In that book.

"I am calm." I laugh a little, distress clear in my voice

"Ivy. Why are you so scared for me to know?"

"Because it will change everything. Because you will leave."

He looks at me and brings my hands slightly to his lips, but as I glance over to my notepad, the words clearly strewn across the pages I move take my hands back from his. I just can't.

"You said you trusted me." Jackson questions, leaving me, picking up the book and sitting on my bed.

I slowly walk towards the other corner of my bed and sit with my legs crossed facing him.

"I trust you not to hurt me." I say, I don't trust him not to change the way he thinks about me. I couldn't even blame him.

"Ivy." He groans a little, sighing. Clearly annoyed at the way my brain thinks.

"I won't leave, nothing you tell me- nothing I'm about to read will change how I feel." He waves the book around, "Nothing that's in here will change the fact that you're my best friend Ivy. That you're my favourite person." I see as he cringes a little at the word best friend, changing it to favourite person.

Will he be disgusted that he ever kissed me once he knows what happened?

"Just read." I say. Bringing my hands to cover my face. Not wanting to watch as he finds out the truth.

I wonder if he already knows, if he has any idea. He's Jackson, his brain is crazy smart. He makes these connections. I think he has an idea that I was assaulted. I think he showed me earlier through the way he immediately understood 'no hands', that he already knew. But I don't think he knows it's Layton. I don't think he has a clue.