Confessions of a Queen Bee

19

"What do you need?" I repeat.

"You have class." He says, jumping off the table.

"So, do you." I snort.

"I can afford to miss it, you can't." He starts walking away from me. I quickly chuck the cigarette out the window and grab my bag following him.

I know I seem like a clingy girl right now but we are abandoning my pride for two seconds and trying to be a good friend. Whatever that is. 

When Jay used to walk away from me in annoyance, I would laugh, let him go. He always came back. Always. So do the girls. I don't think he will. 

Also, did he just call me stupid?

"I am only a few points below you, thank you very much,"

"I meant because you've missed shit, I know you're smart Ivy. You wouldn't be able to pull off your act every day if you weren't at least a little bit intelligent."

"See, so we are going to go continue this conversation elsewhere." I open the classroom door for him, dramatically signalling for him to leave.

"We aren't going anywhere, you're going to leave me alone." He sighs in frustration

"Nope, wrong answer sorry. You forget I'm used to getting what I want."

I grab his hand and immediately drop it. I was going to drag him outside. I know a place that we can go and talk where nobody will disturb us.

I didn't mean to touch him. 

I don't think I've tried to touch someone else yet. 

He looks down at me, I guess a little shocked at my attempt at physical contact. He furrows his eyebrows but starts walking in the opposite direction than the way I wanted to take him.

I start to notice there's quite a lot of eyes on us right now. I suppose we did just emerge from an empty classroom together. I just roll my eyes and glare at everyone around me. They quickly look away and I can't help but grin a little to myself.

Taking a deep breath, I catch back up with Jackson and re-grab his hand. I can hold someone's hand, its fine, this is fine.

It's sort of fine. 

I pull with all my force in the opposite direction to where he was heading. I don't look back at his face, I know he will probably look surprised. Or angry. Actually yeah, he will probably be annoyed.

"Where are we even going?" He grumbles behind me.

I am so determined to get there and not have him walk away from me, I don't reply. I focus on the way it feels to touch someone, I focus on getting him outside and breathing through the anxiety. 

Breathing through the fact he had moved his hand so our fingers were interlinked a couple of minutes into the walk. I'm trying not to think about it.

I'm taking him to mine and Jay's hiding spot. Which I know in itself is a little strange, but it's a good place to chat as well. There is a pathway behind the school, it opens up into a little clearing where there's just a small patch of grass to sit on surrounded by what I'm assuming will be dandelions this time of year. It's nothing special but it is peaceful and private.

"Here we are." I say, letting go of his hand. 

I sit down on the grass, delighted by my choice of jeans today and not a skirt. Clever girl.

"Sit down Jackson, you're hovering is making me anxious."

He sits and remains silent. He brings his tobacco out of his bag and starts rolling a cigarette.