Confessions of a Queen Bee

6

I see that Nora had already messaged to see where I am, I need to get the shaking under control. Like I'm not visibly shaking it's just I can't steady my hands, and my legs doing this strange thing that if I don't have them directly on the ground they start like jumping up and down? Clearly, I am not used to feeling like this.

After leaving Jackson I make my way back towards the area we meet for lunch. Knowing I was going to go home and sleep after this,  a soft smile crawls on my face. I was waiting at my locker to meet the girls, they were taking a lot longer than normal and although usually I would be annoyed because of my impatience. I was annoyed more because I felt vulnerable being by myself, it was a weird concept now, to feel vulnerable. That was definitely not a word I would have associated with myself before.

"Hi!" Jess and Faye exclaim simultaneously. 

"I'm sorry to keep you waiting." Nora grins sheepishly at me "Don't be mad, I was just handing in a late assignment."

"It's fine." I smile a little, it's not, but it's unreasonable to be mad. But as I dismiss it, I watch as they all exchange looks of surprise. I hate that I used to be such a bitch to them, I feel as if I can't even remember how I'm supposed to be acting anymore. But I need to remember because this weird change in personality is going to get people asking questions.

"What assignment?" I ask redirecting their thoughts.

"Oh, the art one? You missed the submission last week, did you do it?"

"Nope." I cringe thinking about the fact I've got a lot of work I need to be doing, but instead once I get home I know all I'm going to want to do is sleep off the earlier panic attack.

I'm fucking exhausted. 

And my head hurts. 

It's because when you have an attack, your brain doesn't get enough oxygen and therefore hurts. I think. I don't know, sometimes I just make up explanations for things in my head and then can't remember if it's an actual fact or an Ivy fact. 

"Oh? What have they said about it, anything?"

"I haven't really been paying attention I guess, but I think it is covered, don't worry." I say this, then place a small smug smile on my face. Because although they think it covered as I have so much power at this school its actually because Mrs Granger said earlier that I shouldn't worry about assignments- That she will get me extensions.

"Where are we sitting at lunch today?" Jess asks, referring the the fact that we obviously no longer sit with the boys and because we were getting to lunch so late that our table from yesterday is probably taken.

"It's fine, we will just remove the people who have taken our table." Nora reassures and the girls look at me and laugh. I guess because I would normally be able to click my fingers and people would just move on cue. 

"Actually, I was thinking about sitting outside, I want some sun and the cafeteria is full of weirdos anyway"

"But you hate sitting outside?"

"I've decided I like it." I snap back at Faye. And start heading towards the exit. I was going to leave after lunch anyway I was literally just sticking around so the girls didn't ask questions as to why I got to leave early.

The girls follow, mumbling in agreement about how the cafeteria is now apparently so lame.

Sitting crossed-legged on the picnic table bench I actually appreciate all the space, sitting outside gives. We won't see the boys until after they have eaten and start to do their rounds of the school.