A Letter To Him .

tummy butterflies .

sometimes i wonder .
i wonder how  everything seems to put us together and then tear us apart at the same time . i did not know you were going to be there , i did not know that you were behind me until i heard her call my name . i glanced back and there you were . i kept on walking , i thought you weren't going to come after me , i thought you were going to head in the other direction . but i thought wrong . i heard your footsteps before i heard your voice , but i didn't just hear you , i felt you . that hug was everything . that smile was everything . you were everything , you still are . i tried to play it cool but my face was heated and my heart beat a mile a minute .
we walked side by side , and i could feel the tension between us .
i felt weird , unsettled but you looked unphased , possibly serene .
i guess i spoke a little too much , or laughed a little too loud . things i don't do , only appearing when i'm nervous . to tell the truth , i was nervous , absolutely terrified .
i was afraid that the perception that you held of me would be shattered , that all those times you told me that i was beautiful would be replaced by reality . but maybe it's just my lack of self-love , whatever .
so we walked , but i felt like the path was too short , the conversation too short  , our time that we had spent together was way too short .
it didn't feel like my first time speaking to you , but that didn't ease the bundle of nerves that had settled in my stomach , and sparked every time i glanced at you .
that was the moment . the moment i'll look back on and say " i know what love means ". because in that moment i felt each dream shift . because in that moment i felt more happier than i had in years , despite the nerves .
you made me happy , really really happy . just a pity it had lasted only for a while .