A Letter To Him .

you left .

day three has passed since we last spoke and once again I find myself reaching out towards you . I feel guilty even when i'm not in the wrong .
when you left , it feels as if there is a void within me and nothing could fill it .
but I have to remind myself that you're the one that left and I should stop beating myself up about it .
perhaps I was not what you're looking for .
but I refuse to break myself down , thinking I'm not good enough and cause my own self-destruction .
I guess I reacted badly to what you said when I asked you what you thought of me .
you replied saying nothing and it felt as if the wind had been knocked out of me .
tears filled my eyes , not understanding how you could say that when all along I've been showing you love and affection .
You said i meant nothing to you , when you meant everything to me .
I professed my love for you time and time again but I guess you were oblivious to it all .
All insecurities within me ressurect and i had become the person who i've been trying to avoid all this time , the girl without emotions , the heartless girl .
Your random acts of kindness and sweet words keep me going but it was only a facade .
I knew you'd never be able to love me , but I had hopelessly believed in you even when you had broken me down multiple times , I had given you a dozen chances , making up excuses for the way you treated me
I deserve so much more .
Took me long enough to realise I was suffocating my own flame trying to get your fire burning .
i'm exhausted , i'm tired .
I need a break , from you , from it all .
I need to find myself again .