A Letter To Him .

temporary farewell .

That look meant so much .
I looked at you with desire accompanied by regret .
That look held so many unsaid words .
When you asked me what it meant , i wanted to tell you that i wanted you to stay , even if it was just for a little while .
I wanted to tell you not to leave again , not to leave me there alone .
Life has been so different since you arrived .
More colourful , more than necessary .
Did you know that i did not have one anxiety attack since you came ?
I don't know , i guess i just felt safer , more at ease with you being a few doors from me .
But happiness is temporary , and pain lurks in the corridors of my broken soul .
My heart hurts .
It's so unfair , after receiving a taste of you , i'm left with nothing .
Once again , once more .
I understand that you have to leave , you have no choice .
I get that the time you spent at this place was not intended for me , but for your own growth .
It's been so bittersweet , honestly .
Glances at you , occasional conversations that never last long and even a hug or two .
What's the use ? What's the point ?
I'm tired of hurting , seriously . And i can't even blame you , it's not your fault .
I guess the world just keeps on getting in the way .
And with every season of happiness comes a deeper pain , the wounds take a little longer to heal and the tears just don't seem to stop flowing .
I can't even pretend to be happy , i can't even put on that fake smile that i always put on because i just don't have the energy , i'm officially drained .
Go on , i wish you the best .
But i'm not going to pretend i'm happy that you're leaving .
It hurts alot now , it might hurt a little less later .
But all i have is now , and now seems pretty dim .
So i can only hope that you might return , i'll look forward to the next time i see you .
That makes it hurt a little less , knowing that this isn't the ending of our story .