Nathaniel

24

Aidan pov

After holding Nate in my arms until he fell asleep, I pulled a nearby blanket over his shoulders and continued to hug him close to my body. He looked so innocent in my arms despite the leather jacket and it was completely unlike his conscious state. His tough exterior had dissipated to leave the vulnerable child underneath. He acted tough, but truly, he was as scared and as soft as the rest of us.
I brushed my fingers through his tousled hair gently, comforting the sleeping boy. If it was even possible, he snuggled even further into my hug, mumbling under his breath something incoherent. Nathan's hair was silky under my fingertips and I found the simple action calmed me significantly.
Sitting on the floor with my lover in my arms made me realise that I've never felt true love like this before now. My dad always claimed he loved me, but he never once showed his affection like Nathaniel or Jacob did. He never hugged me, when he did it was only to whisper some degrading shit down my ears. He never tucked me into bed and wished me a good nights sleep. He never even held my hand when we went to the supermarket or to school as a child. I'd have to pick myself up off the floor if I fell and reach the highest shelf without a second glance from his direction. No, he never loved me but that didn't stop me loving him back.

I whimpered as I was shoved into the kitchen sink. I was only 9 and not strong enough to fight back.
"I love you Aidan! It hurts me to do this! but I have to so you will be strong! I have to because you fuck up! You don't behave! You don't even take a beating without blubbering like a baby. You are pathetic Aidan. You deserve everything you get."

When I was 12 my dad had invited his best friend over to watch the football match. They'd drunk alcohol and they were way past tipsy.
During the match a girl from my class, Anne, had knocked on the door to see if I wanted to go to the park. My dad went ballistic. I'd never been beaten so hard in my life. My whole body was on fire as he threw punch after kick. His friend just laughed at my predicament. I could barely speak as they dragged me up the stairs to my bedroom.
"Aidan. You know I only do this because I love you. So why do you always insist on doing things the hard way huh?" he said, his voice gentle almost, pushing my backwards onto my bed, his filthy hands pushing my shoulders and his feet spreading my legs slightly so that I lost balance and could not fight back. "Don't fight me- this. This is going to happen whether you want it or not. This is going to stop you running off with some 'lover'"he spat. Once I was flat on my back, he  got his friend- Carl- to hold me down whilst he pulled off my left sock.
"Please. I won't leave! Please! I'll stay with you forever! Please. Just don't do this. I'll do anything..." My begs fell on deaf ears as my father grabbed a sedative injection Carl had supplied and a tattoo gun.
"You're mine Aidan!" My dad roared. "I'm doing this for you! For us! Can't you see that? I'm making this happen so that you don't have to worry about getting hurt by anyone else! You should be thanking me! Sit still and take this like a man!"
I'd screamed bloody murder as he'd tattooed his name onto my ankle; Thomas Greene. He'd applied no numbing cream and I was already sore from twisting my ankle in yesterday's beating. He then injected the sedative into my neck, the world slowly twisting and turning to darkness. I could barely make out what anyone was saying. The only thing I could make out was the sound of Carl's laughter as he said: "we're going to have so much fun."
I looked down at my ankle now. The area was not as inflamed as the day it was done, but it was still slightly red due to lack of after care. I never wear short socks and constantly covered that area. I was ashamed and I couldn't let anyone know- let alone Nate. My father was right. If Nate saw it, he wouldn't want to be with me. No one would want a boyfriend with someone else's name tattooed on their skin.

"Aidan? What's that?" Nate lifted his head from my lap. I'd been so traumatised by my thoughts that I hadn't noticed him stirring as he woke up, probably from my heightened breathing. In an instant I pulled my sock up to hide the disgusting mark.
"Nothing. Go back to sleep Nathan. I'm sorry for waking you."
"Don't lie to me Aidan."  Something in the way he said that, took me back the the first time I saw my dads violence for myself.

I looked down at the smashed phone in my dad's hands.
"Did you break my phone?" He snarled. I was 5. I shook my head. He'd broken it last night in a drunken rage- of course I'd never tell him that. He got angry very quickly.
"Don't lie to me Aidan. Did you break my phone?"
"I'm sorry." I murmured. That was the first time he hit me. I was so shocked, I couldn't even cry.

I unfolded myself from Nate's embrace and shuffled away from him. He was going to hit me. I was sure of it. I'd heard that tone one too many times before.
"Aidan. Please. I'm telling you, I'd never hurt you. I just want to know if you're okay."
"I'm fine."