pages of attraction [kny x reader|oneshot]

pretend - shinjurou (angst)

"Unresolved love is the most painful; especially if you know what the two of you could've been if things were just a little different."

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You're glad you couldn't see the expression on his face, because you know that deep inside him he's breaking apart.

It's a good call that you have your head away from his - but that didn't help you feel less of yourself already. After earning his trust, after being a part of his life – you don't know if you can handle the guilt that's present before his face.

You don't know if you'll ever forget it even in death.

You gulped down the building tension in your mind; getting the anxiety and pressure in lying to him overcome your body in cold flames.

Trying to think too much about Shinjurou's sad tone, or at the thought of his mind rambling about how much space the two of you had ever since you've stopped hanging out felt like torture.

You knew him too well, and...

It's... not a good thing to dwell about.

You turn to shoot a fake smile to your friend – hoping to ease his worry even if your eyes can't meet his. But you only feel the lingering tendrils of forced remorse settling in your stomach - boiling itself inside of you, keening your lie over at the way his face dimmed in unknown emotion.

Some truth hurts and it may permanently damage the both of you. But lies are sweet when fermented, aren't they? Yet, right now – your tongue only tastes dry with sadness.

Lies... Lying – you are a great liar, aren't you? You live your life that way, so you know it will end like this but... was it bad to play pretend with him feeling as if they are true?

Especially since he's training to be a slayer, while you're masquerading as a human.

Maybe it's a good that the two of you started faltering off one another - you wouldn't keep up the pace of being a true friend. Or... were you ever true to him?

"...There must be a cure." He stated in a voice loud as a pin dropping in a noisy street. Shinjurou's arms shakes in frustration at your silence and he repeated the statement; looking you straight in the soul with sunset pools drawn in sadness.

Your heart curled at the hopeless and pure denial in his eyes. It glazes with a shine that make yours water, and they crinkled in fear and astonishment.

He's asking you with them, begging the question why – why does it has to be you?

"I don't know if there is." You told him, gripping the windowsill in his room with strength that made the wood crumble, but his eyes still never lingered away from yours.

You can feel your nails growing back to its colors as you stare down his face with your body hulking – but Shinjurou did not look at you as the monster that you are; not even when he has to look up to you.

You... don't deserve the longing in his soul. You don't deserve him.

"I'm sorry... for being in your life." You don't deserve even being a part of it.

"Don't say that!" The man shouted at you, deep voice quaking in anger as his eyebrows furrowed deeply as his face wrinkled in the anger he always wore and your chest warmed at the sight of them.

You have it bad for him, didn't you?

He stomped towards you in speed, that in a blink of an eye – he was gripping your wrist with calloused hands you helped created; the days and months muddling in your mind in a flashback where you trained with him as his heiho.