pages of attraction [kny x reader|oneshot]

shrug 2 - kyoujurou (fluff)

He tried filling the emptiness inside, and he wanted nothing more but feel whole again.

___

Time accumulated itself - even through hardship and joy, his mind will often wonder to you. How are you doing? Are you okay? Do you miss him the way he does with you even after everything?

Those questions are stuck in his mind and try as he may to shrug them off, they'll return at moments of weakness and times he wouldn't comprehend.

Teaching his students in his way made him interesting for them, and they would ask him; 'Sensei, do you have a special someone?' and he would reply yes in quick succession even if he doesn't. They would ask for more about that someone, but that's something he wouldn't share to them because he never actually has that someone.

Still, you hold unto his heart, and he still felt he belongs to you.

In the arms of another, at times where he finds himself spending the night in Kabuki-chou - he couldn't control himself but moan your name under his breathe even when he's not making love with you. Kyoujurou finds himself embarrassed after sessions because of that, but he's glad his lovers never took it strongly against him.

He would never spend the night twice with a lover, but he thought of how he can spend more with you - maybe forever. And when he found himself thinking of that, he would always berate himself to 'move on'.

And while his mind might've moved on; his heart and soul didn't.

Perhaps he was just frustrated of how he acted before, and how so much better if he could've confronted you all those years ago instead of dancing around the pain and accepting it - age comes wisdom, and he was daunted at night again at the possible scenarios he should've taken to keep you in his arms, just beside him in this bed-he sighed, groaning as he combed his hair with his fingers. He's doing it again.

You know what he lamented the most? In his haste for his own recovery, he cut all contact he had with you. As he stares at the papers he's supposedly checking - he will mentally beat himself up that he did something so irreversible permanent with such a temporary emotion.

Even if he searched you up, your old profile would just appear and it haven't been touched since you two have a falling out.

"Where is she now? How is she?" Kyoujurou repeated it to himself several times in the course of years.

You've tapped something deep inside him for the fact he kept thinking of you, and even as he tried to forget you by dating other women (and heck, even men); he never feels the same ecstasy and happiness that you gave him.

Just a smile of yours would brightened his whole day, and just a touch and a hug was enough to give him energy to laugh through the hardship away, and often times he would touch himself thinking it's your own on his in a way that it made fantasy and reality in one and it was enough for him to stave through everything with confidence and guilt in his bones.

But he can't be sorry about it, nor does he have to. It's something of a guilty pleasure Kyoujurou has that never truly be explained aside from him thinking it's his way to try and beat the steam off. He knows it's wrong, to think of you that way and of that manner - but what is even right after all those years? Deep inside, he misses you in an unhealthy obsession - therapy and others never made him forget you. Maybe in bliss, he does.

But it will all return to you. (It might be a family thing, he realizes. To let go, to move on, but never forget.)

Still, aside those wanton pining over someone he hasn't talked for years - but still imagined that he does - he truly wished he didn't delete your number, email and all that jazz - he wished he kept it in his phone all these times.