All Because Of Him

nine.

 "Oh my God," Aiden says as he rolls his eyes back. He then closes his eyes, moaning in pleasure, taking it all in.

"Mmh, fuck." He finishes. I watch as his tongue circles all around his lips before he closes his mouth. He leans his back against the front seat of his car and sighs in exhaustion. 

I turn my head so I can fully face him and a laugh escapes my lips.

"Missed cheeseburgers, huh?" I said, and he looked over at me and smiled.

"They have cheeseburgers in Spain," he says, "It's American cheeseburgers I miss. The cheeseburgers in Europe are good, but nothing beats the ones from here." I nod and watch him crumble up the trash from his food and put it in the to-go bag.

When we left Alejandro's, Aiden mentioned that he was on his way to get food. So he drove to the nearest In-n out and parked his car in the parking lot. We've been here for about twenty minutes just talking, catching up on what has happened these last couple months. But none of us has mentioned the elephant in the room- us. 

Where we are now, or even what we're doing. Are we friends?

The whole time we've been sitting in the parking lot I've been dying to ask him one question: if he still loves me.

 I know he probably doesn't since we broke up months ago, but are his feelings for me completely gone? I felt us running out of things to say as I looked straight ahead and watched a couple walk past the car. Hand in hand, they looked so happy. I envy that time, when everything was so simple.

I turned my head back to Aiden and caught him also staring at the couple. I saw as his eyes drift away and he cleared his throat. I have a feeling that Aiden is thinking the same thing I am since the car is now filled with awkward silence.

"Did you miss anything else while you were in Spain?" I ask him, looking down at my ripped jeans. My fingers trace along the ripped edges, I couldn't bear look in his eyes.

Having him gone made me realize breaking up with him was a mistake. I mean, Aiden has been there for me through it all. He was there when my father died, and when my mother left. He helped me organize the funeral and he has always been there when I needed a shoulder to cry on. He practically dug me out of the big giant whole I was in when I realized how fucked up everything was. I've always felt that he was the only person who has truly loved me in this fucked up world.

Sure, having him gone has made me more independent; I was always leaning on him for security whenever I felt alone. This space that we had was for the best, I know that. But I know that no matter what, my feelings for him will always be there.

"Yes." He finally says. I shift my body to face Aiden as my insides are filled with hope.

"Look, Elle, to be honest the whole time I was in Spain I wasn't able to get you out of my head." My heart skipped a beat once I heard those words come out of his mouth. I decide to let him go on before I say anything else, I need him to say it.

"I mean you would have loved Spain. Everything I did had me thinking about how much you would have enjoyed it." I looked down at my hands and nodded. "And how much I would have loved doing them with you." He finishes.

I look up at him and smile at his words. Relief washes over me as I hear how much he missed me. It was good to hear that I wasn't alone.

"I missed you too." I said, looking into his eyes.

"Maybe I should stop while I'm ahead," He says, leaning in a little closer to me. "But..." He sighs again and looks down at his hands before looking back up into my eyes. "I still have feelings for you, Elle." He says.

"You do?" I ask. That's the thing I hate about me- I always needed reassurance.

"I mean," he says, "it's you." A smile immediately forms on my lips. I love how he makes me feel this way, just hearing him say these simple little words can make me feel like the luckiest girl in the world.

"I know there have probably been others. It's been a long time since we've seen each other. But for me, there hasn't been." He says.

I break the eye contact and look down at my hands. If I were to tell him about Mason, this would be the time. But did I have to? 

Jessica's words replay in my mind as I debate it. Is she right? I mean yes, we were broken up. There was a whole six months where we weren't together. And what if me telling him just makes it a thing when it wasn't? What happened between Mason and I was nothing but a drunken mistake. 

Being drunk, trapped in a garage with him made it so easy for it all to happen. I was finally letting myself let loose, I needed to forget about college and my future, and all the other fucked up things going on in my life. 

It was in the past, and here I am sitting in the car with the boy who I want to be my future.

"Me either." I tell him and he smiles at my response.

"I can't tell you how happy that makes me, I was afraid that maybe you had moved on."

"Never." I shake my head and he closes the gap between us as he leans in and connects my lips with his. The feeling of his lips comfort me in a way I can't describe. It's like everything in the world was falling back into place.