All Because Of Him

fifty nine.

  What I'm about to do will make or break me and Mason's relationship entirely.

Although expressing my feelings to someone isn't the easiest thing to do, I have done it before. I was the first to admit my feelings to Aiden, but I don't remember it ever being this difficult.

I've spent the whole entire morning thinking of just the right words to say to him, and still I've come up with nothing. I want to get my feelings across without scaring him away, but the thought of achieving my goal seems almost impossible.

"I can do this, I can do this." I mutter to myself outloud like a crazy person while I pace around my bedroom floor.

It seems even my small words of encouragement isn't enough to break me out of this overwhelming funk I'm in. I'm not sure if it's time for me to tell Mason my true feelings just yet because even I'm not one hundred percent sure what they are.

But I do need some answers, I need to know what we're doing.

And for some reason that question alone is enough to send me panicking.

Last night when I found out about Mason and Sofia half of me wanted to demand an explanation from him while the other half had this inescapable urge to cry until I had no more tears left.

But I couldn't.

Because he isn't mine.

I have to constantly remind myself of the harsh truth every time jealousy finds its way back into me.

But I have to take control of this situation- take control of my life and get the answers I've been longing for.

I haven't seen him all day- no surprise there- but I do remember hearing Jessica talking to him on the phone earlier this morning.

So without thinking of even more reasons on why I shouldn't be doing this, I walk out of my room and go down the hall towards Jessica's.

My heart is beating in my chest so loud it's the only thing I'm able to hear. I take a deep breath, trying to calm my nerves as I walk inside.

"Hey, have you seen Mason?" I ask and see her sitting by her vanity, eyes focused on the mirror in front of her while she applies makeup to her face.

"No, he left a little bit ago."

I nod my head, my mind already off wondering where he can be at the moment.

"What are you doing?" I ask her, trying to take my mind off of him. My body leans in against the doorway just as she turns toward me.

"Just trying out some new makeup I got. The last thing I want is to go out looking like an oompa loompa."

I give her a short smile, "Like I'd ever let that happen, if i'm going to have to be around you I need you looking your best. I mean, I can't put my reputation at stake now can I?"

Jessica's mouth drops and before I have time to say anything I watch as she picks up one of the makeup brushes on the desk and throws it in my direction.

"Bitch." She laughs and I join her, dodging the makeup brush.

Just as our laughter dies down I hear the sound of a door closing shut and realize that Mason must have just gotten home.

The nerves I've been trying all morning to suppress come back to the surface and I swallow, attempting to rid the lump in my throat.

"Seems like Mason just got home." Jessica reminds me, already back to focusing on herself in the mirror.