All Because Of Him

forty six.

   I drop the basket full of my clean clothes onto my bed, and reach in. Since I've been here my dirty clothes have been piling up. I have no problem doing laundry, it's the folding I hate. 

But I was running out of clean clothes, so I'm left with no choice.

I create different piles depending on what item of clothing I pick up. One for pajamas, jeans, shirts, etc. It was just easier that way so I don't have to walk back and forth. I reach my hand in once more and as I pull my hand out, my body freezes.

It was Mason's shirt.

The shirt he had given me after what happened at the Swimming Hole. It was before everything happened between us, before we became so complicated.

My heart constricts at the thought of him giving his shirt to me. I remember how his scent immediately engulfed mine, and from the moment I put it on I felt not only safe from Sofia's harm, but from whatever the world decided to throw at me next.

I haven't seen or talked to him in two days, it's so strange that even though his room is down the hall there will be days when I don't see him once.

My body is screaming for answers; where he spends his time, what he wants with me, why he left. There's so many thoughts running through my mind when it comes to him that it makes it hard to think clearly.

There are so many things we both don't know about each other, I mean the only thing I know about Mason is that he loves to get on my nerves and fuck.

But there are many things that he doesn't know about me either- my mom, dad, all of it. We both have a wall built up, shielding ourselves from revealing our darkest secrets, but it didn't matter.

Because everything I thought I knew about him before was wrong.

I'm not like every other girl he sleeps with, and he isn't the guy I thought he is- he's worse.

I continue to stare at the shirt I'm holding out in front of me, and before I know it I walk over to the trash can in the corner of my room and throw it in.

❀

I hum along to a random song in my head as I look inside the fridge. A sigh leaves my lips as I came to the realization that the groceries I bought for the house were practically gone. My eyes drift off to the egg carton on the fridge door and I reach up and grab it.

I place the carton of eggs on the counter and raise my voice to tell Alexa to turn on some music. I was over feeling sad about what had happened between us. In fact, I'm happy it did.

I'm happy that things blew over before they escalated, it seems like life may have been doing me favor on this one.

There is already so much I'm hiding from Jessica and Natalie, and I can't afford to build up anymore lies.

I keep trying to erase the words he said to me out of my mind, but the task is nearly impossible.

Even though I'm happy things were done between us, I can't ignore the tiny ounce of sadness that came along with it. But, why?

Mason and I were never an item, whatever it was it meant nothing to him. And yet, it almost feels like a bit of a breakup.

Like I had just lost something that meant more to me than I knew.

No, Elle. Forget him.

I just need to get him out of my mind.

I turn on the stove and sway my hips to the music that flows all throughout the kitchen. I'm sick of stressing over a situation I can't control.