All Because Of Him

twenty seven.

My body stands there completely still, frozen in place. A part of me can't even believe any of this is real. Right now, my mother is standing right in front of me. My mother that disappeared almost three years ago is here in my kitchen. I try to find the words- any words to say, but I can't manage to make any come out.

I'm speechless.

"Wow." She says, slowly walking over to me with her hands covering her mouth. Every step she takes brings her closer to me.

"You look so grown up." She drops her hands down to her sides and stares me up and down with a smile plastered on her face.

I'm not the only one that looks different. Although her brown hair is a lot longer than the last time I remember it, the color has faded. Her face has formed some wrinkled lines around her eyes, and her skin looked a bit dull.

She has gotten older.

The last happy memory I have of her was when we were all together in the dining room- me, my mother and father- all eating pancakes one morning talking about how my father got tickets to next week's basketball game and invited me to come along. That was the day my father died.

"Sit," She said, breaking me out from my thoughts. I hesitantly oblige and sit on the couch right beside her.

Here it was, the day I've been looking forward to for two and a half years. This is the moment I will finally get an explanation for what happened. Throughout the years I have thought of every single excuse you can use in the book. Every reason why she could have left me.

I would imagine her coming home, flowers in hand, calling out my name in tears. Every scenario I thought of in my head played out perfectly. It was the moment we would finally be reunited again.

The fact that that moment has finally come is both exciting and excruciatingly terrifying at the same time. I take a deep breath and wait for her to speak up. I can tell I'm not the only one who's nervous, she hasn't stopped playing with her fingers since we've sat down.

"I know you must have questions about where I've been all these years." She starts. Here it goes...

"But I would love for us to move forward, and I hope that you'll find it in your heart to forgive me for what I've done."

I wait a few seconds for her to continue but she doesn't. Instead, she looks at me straight in the eyes eager to hear my response.

That can't be it, all those nights I'd sit in my room waiting for this day to come and all she says is a few words? I scoff at the thought of me being so stupid. She left me for two and a half years and still I find reasons to make myself think she cares for me? How much more big of a sign could I get?

"You hope I find it in my heart to forgive you?" I recite her words back to her, standing up from my seat in disbelief. She opens her mouth to speak but I interrupt.

"You left me. Dad died and you left! And that's all you have to say for yourself?" Surprisingly enough I'm not sad at what she's said, I'm angry. I'm angry about all of it. That she left without saying goodbye, that all those years I never heard from her, that she came back when I was finally doing okay.

"You abandoned me. Your child. And for all that time you never let me know why! All you did was send those stupid postcards!" Her eyes drift away from mine, before she hands up and steps closer to me.

"Isabella-"

"My name is Isabelle!" I shout. "You know going to dad's funeral was the most difficult thing I have ever done. I told everyone so many lies about where you were that day that a part of me actually started to believe it. Why did you come back? After all this time?"

"For you." She answered and I shake my head.

"Stop lying to me!" I scream. I can tell she's a bit taken back by my actions but I don't care. She doesn't deserve anything but.

"All this time I wished you would come back to me," I try to fight a tear from coming but fail miserably. "And here you are, and I don't even recognize you." I mutter.

"Isabelle, I know I've made mistakes-" She begins but I cut her off.

"Made mistakes? Really? Like taking my college funds?" I watch as she sits there, her body going still. Her lips roll into her mouth as she tries to find what to say. 

But we both knew there was nothing she could say to me to make up for everything she did to me.

"Isabelle." Sylvia snaps at me. I stare at my mother for a few moments before looking directly at Sylvia and Amy standing in the kitchen. I wonder how long they've been there.

"Leave." I said to my mother. "I don't want you here." I know I sound harsh but it's true. Having her come back has made me realize how little I need her. It's not her I miss, it's my family. I miss us all together like we were years ago before my dad's accident. I miss the way it was.

I know she has changed over the years but so have I.

That day she left me changed my life, it made me stronger than I ever thought possible. This whole entire time I've been holding onto this old idea in my head. When the truth is, all that'll ever be is a memory.

"Isabelle, she's staying with us." Sylvia says. Before I could think, I quickly responded to her.

"Fine, I'll leave." I say, grabbing my keys from my pockets and making my way towards the front door.

"Isabelle, your mother just got here-" I halt to a stop.

"You're wrong." I say, as a turn around on my heel and look at her directly in the eyes. "That's not my mother." And before anyone else can say anything, I walk out the front door slamming it shut behind me.