All Because Of Him

thirty eight.

"Thanks again for getting me." I say to Aiden as we are both sitting in the front seats of his pickup truck. After what happened with Mason I immediately called Aiden only to be told that his call was an accidental butt dial. I still told him I wanted to see him, and he didn't hesitate to pick me up.

He drove to the nearest drive-thru to grab some quick dinner which I was more than happy to do. This is what we always do, with Aiden simplicity is best. We always eat at drive-thrus or hang out at his house, we never have to go to some fancy restaurant or anything because we know the only thing that matters is that we're together.

We were now parked beside a curb, talking about the most random things. This is what I needed.

"Anytime," he responds, his body turning towards me.

My mind starts to wander off thinking about what Mason might be doing right now in this moment. I wonder if he's with Sofia, hopefully they're both fully clothed. As of right now I'm only imagining the worst, why does he make me feel this way? Here I am spending time with Aiden, the boy I genuinely care about and I can't stop thinking about Mason.

"So are you going to tell me what's going on?" Aiden asks, with concern in his voice. He waits for me to respond and I take a deep breath before answering.

"What are you talking about?" I play dumb. Is it obvious where my mind is?

"On the phone you seemed angry." I nod my head slowly at his words, thinking of any excuse to tell him what could have caused my behavior.

"I was just... hungry." I said, "Jess barely has any food at her house and I guess it's getting to me." It doesn't seem like Aiden fully believes the words that are coming out of my mouth. He looks at me, eyes full of suspicion, but never presses me about my answer.

"Well you know I'll always drop off some food if you're hungry." I smile at his words and quickly thank him.

Why can't I be satisfied with this? The kind words, genuine concern about my wellbeing? It's clear how Aiden feels about me but still I can't shake the feelings I get from knowing Sofia and Mason are together right now.

Does he really think that Aiden and I aren't capable of being intimate like they are? Because that's far from the truth. Aiden and I have had sex before, plenty of times.

My fingers tap along my thighs as I turn closer towards Aiden.

"You know, I was thinking..." I began, "I know we're trying to keep things slow between us, but would picking it up be so bad?" I can feel the desperation in my voice and I hope it isn't too much of a turn off.

"What do you mean?" He asks me, unsure of where I'm going with this.

Okay, seems like words are no use. I sit up and crawl over to his side of the car, and straddle his lap. My legs on either side of his hips. His body tenses at my sudden movements and his eyes widen in surprise.

My hand moves up to the side of his face as I lean in and kiss him. Before he could react, I continued to plant more kisses on his lips. His lips pressed gently onto mine but I wanted it rougher. I didn't want it soft, I wanted passion, lust, heat.

I pressed my lips harder into his and I could feel him try and move his bad back, giving us more space between us. I instantly wrapped my arms around his neck and pulled him closer, my hips grinding on top of him.

"Wait-" He stopped me, gently pushing me backwards. I try to collect my breath as he shakes his head, confused.

"What's gotten into you?" He asks, ending his question with a laugh.

A laugh.

I felt a sudden rush of embarrassment fill my cheeks from the abruptness. I can't help but feel a bit rejected. I thought this was what he wanted. I thought he wanted me, all of me.

I clamped my jaw and sucked in a deep breath, his words offended me. Is the thought of us having sex sound so bad? Or even the thought of me kissing him?

Mason is somewhere out there hooking up with Sofia while I'm getting rejected. I'm sure he would find his whole situation hilarious.

"What do you mean?" I ask.

"You're not acting like yourself." I scoff at his accusation.

"Why because I want to kiss you? " I can hear my voice raising, but I don't care. I don't see what the problem is.

"No, because this isn't you." I know his words mean no offense, but I can't help the way I take it. I slide off his lap and onto the passenger seat.

"I'm not trying to hurt you, it's just... we're in my car." His words feel like excuses, and have no meaning to me.

Why does it matter if we're in his car? We can technically have sex anywhere. But I get his point, I guess.

"It's okay." I say, I turn my head towards him and force a smile. "I understand."

"I just don't want to ruin things-"

"Aiden, it's fine." I reassure him. "I'm starting to get kind of tired anyways, would you mind driving me home?" I ask.

At this point I hope Sofia is gone, I wasn't up to staying in this car any longer in awkwardness. A boy who says he cares for me, rejected me. And for some reason I know that in the back of my mind, I'm relieved he did.