All Because Of Him

eighty three.

    It took me a while to get myself to calm down.

I had grown grateful that I was home alone very quickly, I didn't want anyone to see me in the dismayed state I was in. I felt shocked, angry over what happened and disappointed in myself for letting him have so much power over my own emotions. I didn't want to give him the satisfaction of seeing me hurt, nor did I want to let it escalate that quickly, but I hated how he made me feel.

Insecure, unworthy, small, weak.

I don't know how much time I spent down on the floor trying to catch my breath. No one has ever lifted a hand at me, and I never thought that if the time ever did come it would be Aiden.

I didn't know how to feel about it, what just happened a few moments ago outside my door was very unsettling. I waited and waited for it to sink in, for it to finally register in my mind but no matter how long I waited it never happened.

I wanted to be in Mason's arms.

For him to hold me, tell me everything was going to be okay, give me those sweet gentle kisses I'm starting to feel lost without.

I had this itching nerve to call him and tell him to come over. But I realized that if I did the chances of Mason reacting in a calm and restful manner was slim. I knew that whenever I decided to tell Mason what happened he'll run off the first chance he got to go find Aiden and pummel his head into a wall.

And even though I knew that was exactly what he deserved, the thought alone was too much at the time.

So after all the tears dried upon my cheeks, the headache rising from the aftershocks of pouring out my emotions and my ass started to hurt from being on the hardwood floor for so long, I finally decided to get up and drag myself upstairs towards my bathroom and into the shower.

I let myself enjoy the time alone, soaking up the hot water as the beads leisurely coaxed my skin. I wasn't aware of how much time I had spent in there until my fingertips became wrinkled and the bathroom was clouded with so much thick steam it had became a sauna.

Feeling the waves of claustrophobia hit me I turned off the shower, wrapped my towel around my waist and returned back to my room. As I applied lotion to my skin, my eyes skimmed over the bruise on my hip from Isaac that was starting to fade, and the marks along my wrists that Aiden's hands created. I quickly looked away, wiped a single tear that fell from my cheek and continued on.

I was so ready to see him.

Ready for him to drown my worries, damaging thoughts and the uneasiness in my stomach in the best way he knows how to.

I shouldn't let what just happened with Aiden get to me as much as it does, I've been through worse- I can handle this.

Once I finish getting ready, pack a small bag for Jessica's and brush my teeth for the third time to dispose of the thought of Aiden kissing me out of my mind I finally walk out the door.

It doesn't take long for her to notice something is off with me, and after sidelining the topic as much as I could I capitulate.

And just when the words of Aiden's wrongdoings are on the tip of my tongue she notices something on my neck and nearly jumps off the bed.

A hickey.

My eyes go wide, mouth gapes open and legs immediately stumble over to the nearest mirror in her room to see her sights are proven correct. There on the side of my neck, about an inch or two below my ear is a fucking hickey.