All Because Of Him

sixty five.

"Here you go." Aiden says to me as he sets the plate filled with food down on the table and sits back into the booth directly in front of me.

I give him a short smile as my eyes stare into the crowded plate- a cheeseburger and fries.

Aiden insisted we go get something to eat, and it just so happened to be the same place Mason took me two weeks ago.

I haven't seen him since that night at Club X. As of today, it's been an exact week since we've laid eyes on each other, and my heart constricts at the thought.

I thought it would have been easier, trying to let him go. I guess a part of me figured I'd get over it since he was never really mine in the first place. I can't quite explain how it feels to have your heart ripped out by someone who wasn't even yours.

It's like my mind is betraying my heart in every possible way.

For some reason I can't just let him go.

During this past week I've kept myself busy. Jessica has found every reason to blow up my phone and drag me out of bed, whether it's to spend meaningless hours at the mall or to go to the County Fair that has recently just opened.

It was nice.

Stuffing my face with cotton candy helped a great deal when it came to distracting myself from my own disastrous feelings. I practically hauled Jessica on every ride twice just to experience the euphoric feeling I got whenever we'd fall down the roller coasters highest point.

Feeling like I'm on top of the world; my heart pounding, the adrenaline pumping through my veins, the excitement consuming every inch of my body, the exhilaration and fear of every roller coaster has helped me cope with it all.

Because it's the only way for me to feel everything I felt whenever I was with him.

The only way for me to feel it again was for me to go down the roller coasters peak, close my eyes and let my body become weightless once again.

But then the ride would end, and all my sorrows would come back to haunt me.

I know ending whatever Mason and I had was the only way for me to finally try and move on with my life. Maybe even start fresh, become the person my parents raised me to be- the girl that Aiden fell in love with.

But who knew it would be this damn difficult.

I've only brought him up to Jessica once. It was last night while she was over at my house burying herself in my mint chocolate chip ice cream. She had told me her house feels different without me in it, and I made a comment about how Mason must be having all these girls over again.

The comment I made had me swallowing the bile rising in my mouth, just from the thought of him bringing someone back home.

I pretended like I didn't care what her answer was, but hearing it only made me feel worse.

"Not that I know of." She said to me.

It was vague.

Too vague and I needed more.

I'm still angry with him.

I'm angry that he's capable of making me feel this way. But honestly, I'm even more angry with myself for missing him after everything he's done to me.

Being away from him has only resulted in my realization over just how much I truly care about him.

Fucking bastard.