Rants And Unavoidable Controversies

Vampires

AKA sexy blood suckers.

I LOVE vampires. They're so mesmerising. But that's what we're discussing in this chapter. We're going to be talking about what's wrong with them.

Why are vampires from London? Is that their place of origin? Or is it because of the originals (Vampire TV show) that everyone's decided they've got to have the mainstream British accent (which is the hottest thing ever.)

They're other accents in the UK you know but absolutely no one gives a shit.

Dracula is the OG vampire but no one really cares about him. Vampires got their big break after Bella moved back to her childhood home and fell in love with Edward. (Cue; Bella's lullaby.)

At first I was team Jacob but then I watched the movie again and Edward captured my heart. But as the years changed, so did the vampires.

We've got books where they're okay in the sunlight and books where they're not. Some glow, some don't. And some are just beyond pasty.

WHY ARE THEY ALWAYS IN HIGHSCHOOL?

Writers don't know where to place these eternals so they just drop them in the nearest high school. And then obviously they're super popular and mysterious. And one of them falls for your MC but they can't be together because mortals suck.

"Turn me damn it!"

"I can't subject you to such torture." His face, expressionless. "I love you, more than anything in the world. You'll watch everyone around you grow old and die. We don't rest, we're always running. Running away from everything and everyone to avoid the pain of having to watch years go by alone. We're stuck, stuck in time, trapped even." He held my cheek and I leaned into his touch.

Fin.

Unlike werewolves, their mates aren't likely to die when turned.

Vampires also have groups. Just like werewolf packs. But then it's sometimes irrational. Writers go over board.

Groups;

- ones that can see the future.
- ones that bleed each time a mate dies.
- ones that can fly.
- ones that breathe underwater.

Writers do this to better fit their story and it's--say it with me-- Absolutely ridiculous.