Finding the Light

Making a Decision

"What?" I stare down at Charlie, knowing for certain that he has completely lost his mind, but he is just grinning up at me.
"Are you asking me what I said or are you confused by the question?" He just continues smiling at me, wrapping his arms around my back and holding me in place. He must have sensed that I wanted to run, because he grabbed me at the exact right second.
"I heard you, but why would you ask me to move in Charlie? We've known each other a week? How do you know you even like me?" He starts laughing at me, tears rolling down his face. Apparently the logic I'm using is hilarious.
"Why are you laughing at me? I'm serious!" He calms himself and then stands in front of me, hugging me close.
"I'm not laughing at you baby, I understand that this is really unorthodox, but really, can you honestly tell me you thought we were headed in a different direction?" I can feel my face scrunch up with my confusion.
"Well, yeah of course I thought we were headed in a different direction. Charlie, neither of us 'date' remember? Why would I ever think in a million years that you would ask me to move in with you? Spend the night here and there, sure, but never would I have imagined you would offer me a permanent place in your home." He puts his hand on my cheek, and suddenly I am completely calm. I'm not sure why, but this has become our secret thing, and it makes me stop and see the world clearly again. I look up into his perfect blue eyes, and I see something there. Something I saw last night, but I still can't figure out what it is. He is about to speak, but I cut him off.
"Charlie why are you looking at me that way?" His face starts to blush and he removes his hand from my cheek.
"Looking at you how? What do you mean?" He starts fidgeting, and I think I may have upset him.
"I don't know you just keep looking at me with this 'look' on your face. You did it last night too." He sighs and sits down on the bed, hiding his face with his hands. Maybe I shouldn't have said anything. I sit on his knee and force his hands back so I can look at him.
"Are you ok?" I don't want to push him on this, but I also want to know what's going on in his head. He just sighs and buries his face in my neck.
"Yes, I'm ok. I'm sorry if my looking at you that way made you uncomfortable. I will try not to do it anymore." My skin starts to crawl.
"No Charlie! I don't want you to stop. I want you to look at me that way always. I wasn't uncomfortable, I just didn't know what you were thinking in those moments, that's all." I should never have said anything. Now whatever feelings were behind those looks, were going to go away, and it's all my fault. He sits back up, and there's a look of relief on his face.
"I'm not sure how to explain what I'm thinking when I look at you Jocelyn. You make everything fuzzy and clear at the same time. All I know for sure, is that I want you here with me, all the time, waking up next to me, and coming home to me. That is what I know for sure. So please, at least think about moving in?" I bite my bottom lip. I want to say yes so badly, but what if I ruin this. What if while I'm here, he decides that he's had enough of me and throws me out. I will have nowhere to go. What if, I can't control myself, and accidentally tell him I love him? He will never accept that, and then I will be homeless for sure. What if I come home one night, and he has someone else in his bed, some other girl that he is probably seeing that I don't even know about yet. I'm not sure I would survive that. I do want to be here though. Waking up to him, even though I've only done it twice, has become my favorite thing in the world. I feel so safe knowing that he has a hold of me while I'm asleep, and I think he enjoys it too. Charlie's arms are suddenly around me. I must have stood up and started unconsciously pacing the room. He grabs my face, forcing me to look up at him.
"Baby, this is a big decision, I know that. You don't have to make it right now." He kisses my forehead, and I realize that there is nowhere I would rather be in the world.
"I'll move in Charlie. I don't want to be anywhere else." The biggest smile ever comes onto his face, and he picks me up from the floor. I wrap my legs around his waist, and my arms around his neck hugging him close to me. I know now that there is nothing I wouldn't do for this man, to make him this happy.
"You have no idea how happy this makes me Jocelyn." He looks at me, with that look again, and I know for certain now that I love him. My whole body is screaming at me to tell him, but I just can't. Instead I just push my mouth to his. All the love I have for him is fueling it, and I kiss him like I've never kissed him before. He puts one hand on the back of my head, holding me in place, and is eagerly returning everything I am giving to him. I open my mouth further, and sigh as his tongue starts working it's way around my mouth. He walks toward to the bed, and lays me down. Without breaking the kiss he starts pulling off my pants. His fingers graze my stomach and my skin is on fire. I need him to touch me, I need to be as close to him as I can possibly get.
"Charlie, I know it's your birthday, and I know she is cute, but maybe keep it in your pants until mom and I leave ok?" We both freeze, and Charlie shoves my pants back into place, pulling away from me. My body is cold and incomplete without him next to me and I wrap my arms around my chest. Derrick is standing in the doorway grinning, just watching us. How many times is he going to walk in on us today? Charlie sighs looking at me and kisses my nose before standing up to look at his brother.
"If you would have just given me five more minutes, but no, you have to come ruin my fun and embarrass my girl again." His girl? I like the sound of that, and I smile to myself.
"You have the rest of your life to be alone with her, but today mom has plans, so let's go. Oh, and maybe put on some not so revealing pants little bro." He winks at me before turning and walking back down the hall. I look at Charlie, confused as to why he would have to change pants, but then the answer nearly hits me in the face. I can't help myself and I start uncontrollably laughing. I roll back onto the bed and just giggle like an idiot. He leans over me with a smile on his face.
"Derrick may be an ass, but he's right about one thing, you really are the cutest thing I have ever seen. Even when you're laughing at me." Why does he have to be so sweet?
"I'm sorry for laughing, but you nearly poked my eye out." I start laughing all over again. He begins furiously tickling my sides, and I can't help but wiggle trying to get away from him. I've never met this playful, silly side of Charlie, but I'm already in love with it. I'm almost out of his reach, but he grabs my ankle and pulls me back toward him. He lays on me squishing me into the bed. I'm stuck, but there's nowhere I'd rather be.
"You're not getting away that easy. Now I've got you right where I want you." I giggle again trying to catch my breath and kiss his nose. His face lights up in a smile, and he starts kissing my whole face like a maniac, causing my laughing fit to start all over again.
"Charlie let that poor girl up. You are going to crush her to death." I get my face free enough to look over and see Jennifer smiling at us. I look back to Charlie, who now has his face buried in my shoulder, trying to hide from his mom.
"You are kind of squishing me babe." I'm still laughing and I sound like a mouse trying to speak while being pinned down by Charlie's massive body. He rolls his eyes at me but kisses my forehead one last time.
"I'm going to have to put a deadbolt on our bedroom door." He winks at me, and my heart swells hearing him call it our bedroom.
"Sorry mom, we got a little distracted. What do you have planned for today?" She just shakes her head at Charlie, clearly amused by the scene going on in front of her.
"Well, I have your birthday cake in here, then I wanted to spend some time in town so you could show us around. There's also a movie I think you will like, and then I'll take you all out for lunch. I don't think we will stay to long today, because I can see that you're going to just continue to get distracted." She looks at me and winks and my face turns red.
"That sounds great mom. Baby are you ready to go?" Charlie looks down at me, waiting for my response and I tilt my head to the side.
"You want me to come?" I was't expecting to be invited to hang out with his family for his birthday. He looks at me like I've grown a second head.
"Of course I want you to come. Where else would you be today besides with me?" Tears start pooling at the sides of my eyes. I wouldn't want to be anywhere else today, or ever for that matter, but I've never been happier realizing that he wants the same thing.
"I would love to come with you guys today. Is that ok with you Jennifer?" I know Charlie wants me around, but that doesn't mean his mom feels the same way.
"You are welcome any time Jocelyn. Charlie, get changed and meet us out front. You have five minutes young man!" She walks out of the room, thankfully shutting the door behind her. He rolls his eyes again, and stands up to go change. I sit up slowly, and get lost in my own thoughts. Charlie really wants me. He's asked me to move in, called me his girl, and now he wants me to spend the day with his family. How did this happen? He notices that I haven't moved from the bed and he comes to sit beside me.
"Baby are you ok? What's going on in that head of yours?"
"Charlie how did this happen? Exactly one week ago today, we met, and then that night you asked me to just have casual friendly sex. Now you've asked me to move in, I'm spending your birthday with you, and last night you told Jake I was your girlfriend. I'm just confused, I guess." He looks a little embarrassed, but then his expression softens.
"I was wondering when you would bring up the girlfriend thing. Did that bother you that I said it?" I think about this for a moment. Did it bother me?
"No, I wasn't bothered by it, but I wasn't expecting it either. Is that what you want? For me to be your girlfriend?" His eyes glaze over slightly, like he is lost in deep thought. Maybe he doesn't want me to be his girlfriend, and now he's realizing that he made a mistake asking me to move in.
"I don't know. I've never actually had a girlfriend. In fact, you are the first girl who has ever even met my mom. What I do know is that, I never expected to feel this way about you. You make me happier than I ever knew I could be, and I am never giving that up." He picks up my hand and kisses my knuckles. He never wants to give me up? The tears come back and one betrays me by falling over my cheek. He wipes it away with his thumb and looks into my eyes, right into my soul.
"I never want to give this up either Charlie. We don't have to label anything, we can just be together and be happy. That's all I want is to make you happy." He smiles at me and kisses me quickly, but passionately on the lips.
"We can talk more about this later, but right now we better go before we get distracted again, and my mom has to come drag us out of here." He laughs at the thought and pulls me up from the bed holding my hand tight in his.
We all go outside to get into Derrick's car to head into the city. I get into the back seat and start to buckle myself up, but Charlie pulls me into the middle seat and then fastens my seatbelt for me. Derrick looks into the rear view mirror and rolls his eyes.
"Charlie, she would have been fine in the other seat you know." Charlie smirks at me, and then turns back to his brother.
"She would have been fine sure, but she's perfect right here." Charlie then snakes his arm around my shoulders and kisses my temple. My belly heats up at his touch. The release I've needed all day, has been so close, but kept being taken away, and I'm starting to squirm. Charlie notices and leans in close to my ear, so only I can hear.
"I know baby, I'm frustrated too. Just a few hours and then we will be all alone again." He kisses me gently just below my ear and I let out a soft sigh. Jennifer saves me from the humiliation of jumping her son in the backseat when she turns around to us.
"Don't mind Derrick, Jocelyn. I think he may be a little jealous of his brother." Derrick laughs sarcastically as he puts the car in gear and pulls out toward to the road.
"I am not jealous. I just think it's funny how this tiny girl turned Charlie into a love sick puppy. How exactly did she do that?" Jennifer's face lights up.
"How did you two meet? Charlie didn't really tell me any details, he just said you two hit it off right away." I can't help but laugh at that. Meeting Charlie was the most awkward situation I've ever found myself in. I wouldn't say we hit it off.
"Do you want to tell them the story or should I?" Charlie is grinning like an idiot beside me, but it is also very cute.
"We met a week ago. I was walking to yoga class, and we just sort of ran into each other. He hasn't left me alone since." I lean into Charlie and he squeezes my shoulder.
"No we didn't run into each other. Jocelyn here wasn't paying attention and smacked right into me. She would have fallen flat on her butt if I hadn't caught her in time. But the part about me not leaving her alone is true." His mom starts giggling while his brother fake gags.
"That is so cute! I wondered when Charlie would finally bring a girl home. I'm not getting any younger, and I would like to have some grandkids while I'm still able to run around with them." The mention of kids makes my face go pale, and Charlie is just shaking his head.
"Mom, we aren't at the kids stage yet. Maybe don't freak her out, I want to keep her." I start to relax, at least he isn't pressuring me into that.
"I'm sorry, I get too excited sometimes."
"That is just a little bit of an understatement." Derrick laughs at his mom's embarrassed face. During the 20 minute drive into downtown, Jennifer and Derrick tell me a ton of humiliating stories about Charlie growing up, making him blush. They also ask about me, and what I do. The conversation is easy and relaxing and I am really enjoying myself. We park in a parking garage and start walking around downtown, showing Charlie's family all the best stores and restaurants that we have. As we're walking past a small clothing boutique I start to feel like I'm being watched. My skin is crawling and all the hair on my neck is standing up. I can't see anything strange, but I still hug myself tighter to Charlie. He gladly pulls me closer and leans down to kiss the top of my head.
"We should get to the theater. The movie I have planned starts in 30 minutes." Jennifer grins at all of us, obviously happy to be spending time with her boys, and we walk the few blocks to the movie theater. We all get some snacks, and settle into our seats as the previews are starting. Charlie insisted we sit behind his mom and brother, and once the lights dim completely I understand why. He leans into me and starts sucking on the soft spot below my ear. I have to bite my lip to keep myself from making any noise.
"I can't wait to get you home tonight baby." He bites down on my shoulder and I jump. He puts his hand on my thigh to keep me in place.
"Nope, don't even try to get away. I've had you taken from me quite enough for one day." I relax back into my seat and he starts his game again, nibbling and sucking on the skin of my neck. I know there are going to be marks all over me, but right now I just don't care. I need his mouth on me. His hand moves up my thigh to my already wet center. He palms me through my pants and it takes all my willpower not to scream. He groans softly into my ear.
"I can feel how wet you are baby." Oh my god, this man will be the death of me. I turn to my side and take his mouth with mine. I feel like a teenager, secretly making out at the movie theater, but it is so fun. I reach my hand down and rub my palm against Charlie's growing erection. He bites my lip, and I grin. His phone vibrates, but he ignores it, pulling me back to him. It vibrates three more times before he reluctantly pulls himself from me and takes his phone out of his pocket. I peek at the screen, and there are four messages from Derrick. Charlie rolls his eyes and opens them.
-D: Dude, stop it
-D: Charlie, stop groping your girlfriend and watch the movie
-D: You do know we can hear everything right?
-D: Mom is down here laughing at the two of you and asking when I'm going to bring a girl home. Stop it I am begging you!
I giggle as quietly as I can, and Charlie leans forward to whisper to his mom and brother.
"Sorry guys, I just can't help it." He sits back and puts his arm around my shoulder. The movie is actually really funny, and we are both laughing, just enjoying being with one another. The feeling of us being watched comes back though, and I try to look around as discretely as I can. It's not discrete enough though and Charlie looks at me, concerned.
"What is it baby, are you ok?" I can't see anything in here anyway because it is so dark, so I face forward again, trying to ignore the feeling.
"Yeah I'm fine. Just a weird feeling I guess." He pulls me closer to him and I forget about my nagging feeling and finish watching the movie with him holding me tight.
Once it is over we walk down two more blocks to a small Italian restaurant with outside tables. We are seated and Jennifer orders a bottle of wine for us to share. Derrick starts in on Charlie about our escapades in the theater, and Charlie pokes fun at him for being single for so long. Everything about today has been almost perfect, and I really couldn't be happier. I lean up and kiss Charlie on the cheek. He looks down at me with the most gorgeous smile and I see stars. His mom makes a whimpering sound and we all look to her. She has tears in her eyes again.
"Mom are you ok? What's wrong?" Charlie sits up straight and watches her.
"Oh I'm fine, I'm just being silly. Jocelyn, thank you. Thank you for coming into Charlie's life and making him so happy. I can see how much the two of you love each other, and it just makes my heart so full." Crap. I look at Charlie worried that the love comment is going to make him angry, but he is staring down at me with that special look on his face.
"She makes me happier than you could ever know mom." Is it possible that Charlie loves me too? Jennifer almost squeals with delight just as the waiter is coming to pour our wine. We order our food and Derrick immediately starts making fun of Charlie again. They are hard on each other, but I can tell how close they really are. My phone dings, letting me know I have a new message and I pull it out to check who it's from. I don't have the number saved, and when I open it my heart starts to race.
-Unknown: You look like you're having a fun day, but it won't last. I'm watching you.
Charlie looks down at my phone and when he reads the message he rips it out of my hand. He's talking to me, but the ringing in my ears is stopping me from hearing anything he is saying. I am frantically looking around, trying to find the source of the text. I know it can only be one person. I look at every face around me, but he is nowhere to be seen. I turn to Charlie, and he looks completely helpless. I may not see him, but I know the message is from him. My voice comes out in a whisper when I can finally find the words.
"He found me."