Finding the Light

A Perfect Day

I sit up in bed, my heart racing from the dream I was having. I have no idea what I was running from, but I knew it was going to hurt me. I turn to the side and Charlie is gone again. My face heats up, but then the smell of something cooking hits me, and my whole body relaxes. I stand up and stretch my arms over my head, and walk out of the bedroom. When I get into the kitchen Charlie is standing in front of the stove with his back to me, and I sneak up behind him. He is naked from the waist up, and my mouth is dry when I finally touch him. He jumps a little when I wrap my arms around his waist, but then he laughs and touches one of my hands while I nuzzle my face into his back.
"Good morning baby, I was hoping you would stay asleep so I could surprise you." I kiss his shoulder and he takes the pan off the stove so he can turn around to hug me back. I look up into his eyes and my heart is so happy.
"What were you going to surprise me with?" He kisses my forehead and then turns back to the stove so he can fix a plate. When he turns back around he hands me a plate of French toast and I can't help but grin up at him.
"This is amazing Charlie, thank you. I love French toast." The silly smile that comes across his face makes butterflies explode in my belly, and I can't help myself. I set the plate on the counter behind him, and stand on my tiptoes so I can kiss him. He pulls me into him, and I start working my tongue around his. This is how I want to wake up every morning. He is everything to me, and the only thing that makes me feel whole. He has his arms wrapped around my back, but he brings one up to the back of my head so he can fist his fingers in my hair. He pushes forward slightly, leaning me back so he can push himself further into me, and it takes my breath away. I break away from the kiss to try and fill my lungs back up with air, and he starts planting small kisses on my neck, sucking the sensitive skin between his lips. A small moan escapes me and he stands up straight to look at me. There is so much love in his eyes looking down at me, and it causes a tear to fall down my cheek. He kisses it away and then looks down at me confused.
"What's wrong baby? Why are you crying?"
"Nothing is wrong Charlie, I just love you so much, and sometimes it's more than my body can handle." The smiles that graces his beautiful face is the most gorgeous thing I have ever seen, and it makes me see stars.
"I love you too. Do you want to eat your breakfast?" I am starving, but nothing but him will satisfy the hunger I feel. I shake my head no, trailing my fingers down his chest, and he shivers a little. He smiles and immediately picks me up from the floor, wrapping his arms under my backside to hold me up. I take his mouth with mine again, and melt into him. I reach my hands up and undo the knot in his hair, letting it fall over his shoulders. I run my fingers through it, causing him to groan into my mouth. He takes a couple steps forward and sets me on the island counter. He breaks away from me to catch his breath and I press my forehead to his, panting at him. He moves his hands down to my sides, and starts lifting my shirt off me. I raise my arms up, and when he gets it off his fingers immediately find my already hard nipples and he pinches down. I cry out, but he silences my noise with his kiss, forcing his tongue into my mouth. He pushes his chest against mine, and I pull him into me, trying to be as close as possible. I always feel like there is to much space between us, so I grip onto his back and hold on for dear life. He wraps his arms around my waist, holding me tight, and there is nowhere in the world that I would rather be. I bring my hands back around to his front, and reach down to pull his sweats off him. I try not too, but he breaks away from the kiss so that he can slide his pants off, and step out of them. He then reaches up and pulls my pajamas off my waist, and tosses them onto the floor. Once we're both naked, he steps back between my legs and buries his face into my neck, running his tongue from the base of my throat to just under my ear. My whole body shakes, needing him to touch me, and he must sense that need because his hands come up and push my thighs apart. He rubs the wet skin with his finger tips, teasing me by not actually putting any pressure on me. I lean back onto my elbows, and moan.
"Please Charlie." He looks at me and smiles and then pushes two thick fingers deep into me. He turns his palm up, and rubs the inside of me, rotating his fingers in small circles. His other hand comes up and pinches the swollen bundle of nerves at the top, and it takes all my strength not to fall off the counter. I look at him, but he's watching his fingers work against me. He is switching from the gentle rubbing motion of his fingers to hard thrusts, and I feel myself tighten around them. The moan that escapes my lips makes him look up into my face. My jaw has gone slack, and I'm completely at his mercy. He grins and then leans in to whisper in my ear.
"I know you're close baby. Give it to me." He pinches down on my bud, hard, and everything goes blurry. My orgasm rips through me like never before, and my arms give out, so I fall back onto the counter. He pinches again, and I try to squirm away, but he removes his fingers from me, putting his arms under my thighs to pull me to the edge of the island. Before I can completely recover from my earth shattering orgasm, his mouth is on me, and he shoves his tongue inside me, making me sit back up and cry out his name. Watching him, with his face buried between my thighs, is like nothing else in the world. He feels me watching him, and looks up at me, then bites down on the already too sensitive skin. This forces another orgasm that I didn't even know was coming, and I grab onto his hair, and pull him further into me. He growls and gladly forces his tongue back inside, greedily taking everything I have to give. It feels like hours, but finally he removes his face from my center, and kisses the wet skin gently, causing me to shudder. I fall back onto the island, trying to catch my breath, but he has other plans for me. He takes my hand and lifts me back up so he can hold me to his chest. He puts a hand into my hair, forcing me to look at him, and as soon as his eyes meet mine, he takes my lips with his. I can taste the saltiness of myself on him, and the mixture of both of us together is like nothing I've ever tasted before. His other arm wraps around my thigh and pulls me to the edge of the counter. He never takes his lips off mine, as he slides into me effortlessly. He refuses to release my lips, so I groan into his mouth. He is gentle at first, slowly moving in and out of me, letting me feel all of him there is. He's still holding on to my leg, so I wrap my other one around his waist, and pull him further into me. He picks up the pace of his thrusts, but only slightly. He pulls away from my lips, letting me catch my breath. My head rolls back, but he pulls my face back up and presses his forehead against mine, looking deep into my eyes. I bring my hand up, and touch the side of his face and he leans his cheek into it.
"I love you Charlie." My words are breathless, and I have to speak between moans.
"I love you baby, so so much." He kisses me again, and quickens his thrusts, pulling me further off the counter so he has more room to work. Now that I'm only being held up by his strong arms, he's able to push further into me, hitting me exactly in my most sensitive spot. His grip on my leg tightens, and I know he is close. I grin against his lips and pull away. I lean into his ear, and his body convulses at my words.
"Give it up Charlie, I want all of it." He groans and pushes into me one last time, so deep I'm not even sure we're two separate people anymore. His orgasm causes my own, and we get lost in each other, holding on for dear life while we fall apart. I rest my head against his chest, and he puts me back on the counter, but stays inside me, not wanting to break the connection. I kiss his bare chest, and he holds me tight leaning down to kiss the top of my head. I finally catch my breath, and I look up at him. He pulls himself from me, and puts his hand on my cheek. I lean into him, and I'm so happy that I think I may actually explode.
"I think your breakfast is probably cold by now baby." He starts laughing, and I giggle at him.
"Yes it probably is. I can make you something if you want?" He kisses my nose, and I sigh, loving the contact.
"No, that's ok. How about we take a bath, and get cleaned up, and then I can take you out to breakfast?" I grin up at him and nod my head.
"That sounds amazing. You know we've never actually been on a date, so this can be our first one." He tilts his head to the side and his face scrunches up.
"You're right. I think we need to change that. Maybe this whole day should be one long date. How does that sound?" There is so much love in his voice, and I'm not sure where all of this is coming from, but spending the day with him in a first date blissful haze is the most incredible idea I've ever heard.
"I love that idea." He kisses my cheek, then picks me up from the counter, and carries me bridal style to the bathroom. He sets me on the floor to start the bath, and I turn on some soothing music and light a few candles. Once the tub is full he sits down, and takes my hand helping me into the water. I sit in front of him, and he pulls me to his chest, wrapping his arms around me and laying his head on top of mine. I close my eyes, and relax into him. His arms are my favorite place in the world, and I could stay here forever.
"So what do you want to do today besides go to breakfast baby? We can do whatever you want." He kisses the top of my head when he finishes speaking, and I feel a shiver run through me. What I want is to stay in bed with him all day, and not share him with the outside world. I turn slightly so I can look up at him.
"Well I'm still very bruised, and I don't know if makeup will cover them all the way, so maybe we shouldn't be out in public too much, but I think that spending the day on the couch, watching movies and maybe some other things sounds perfect." He smiles at me, and I know he caught the innuendo in my voice.
"What other things are you thinking baby?" He runs his hands up and down my back, causing goosebumps to rise on my skin. I turn around all the way and straddle him. He gladly makes room for me, and when I sit back down, I can feel that he is already hard beneath me. Well that was a quick recovery.
"Well there are plenty of other things we can do. I'm sure you could think of something." I reach my hand into the water, and grip him hard. He hisses through his teeth and his eyes screw shut. This is going to be fun. I start slowly stroking him, up and down, and his head rolls back.
"Sit up the edge of the tub Charlie." He immediately does as he's told, and before he can get completely set I take him into my mouth.
"Shit Jocelyn." He has to grip the side of the tub to keep himself steady. I love the way he reacts to me. I look up at him, and let him fall out of my mouth.
"Yes Charlie?" I give him my most innocent smile that I can muster, and he groans.
"Are you really going to tease me that way baby?" He is starting to pant, and I know he wants more. I decide to have mercy on him, and I lower my head back into his lap. I grab the base of his erection and hold it in place while I push him to the back of my throat. I can feel him groan, and I start stroking up and down as I take him in and out of my mouth. I look up at him again, and he is watching me with awe all over his face. I moan and push him as far down as I can, my nose touching his belly. He hisses again, and starts pumping his hips up to meet my face. Each time I get back to the tip I circle my tongue around it, then immediately push back down. I start to move faster and his breathing is becoming erratic. I feel his leg muscles tense, and I know he is close. His hand comes up to fist into my hair, and he guides my head up and down. His hips are still moving, and my jaw is numb, but I don't care. I continue moving my tongue around him, as he takes my mouth. His grip tightens on my hair, and he pushes himself down my throat one more time and then he finishes. I stay as still as I can, not wanting to spill a single drop of it, swallowing all of it down. He tastes so good, and I want to do this forever. I feel him relax, and I sit back up, wiping my mouth. He is still panting, his head rolled back, and his eyes closed. I pull on his arms, and he slides back down into the water, splashing it everywhere. I laugh and curl up into his lap. He wraps his arms around me lazily, and I know he is exhausted. I lean up and kiss his cheek, cuddling back into his chest.
"I think today is going to be a very good day babe." I laugh again, and he looks down at me and smiles.
"I think you're right baby. It may just be a perfect day." He leans down and kisses my forehead. He grabs the soap off the side of the tub and starts lathering it up on my shoulders, massaging all my tensions away. He's being so gentle with me and for a moment Eric pops into my head, and my skin starts to crawl. I don't know what to do about my feelings for him, and the guilt I feel about those feelings makes me suddenly nauseous. I love Charlie, that's never going away, but my feelings for Eric are real. He makes me so happy, but I can't act on that, not now and not ever. I have to find a way to stay away from him. Charlie's lips touch my shoulder and I jump.
"What's on your mind baby? I was talking and you didn't hear a word I was saying." I turn around and I know my face is red. I don't want to tell him what I was thinking about, but I also don't want to lie. My brain is working over time and I decide that I need to make something up, and fast.
"I was just wondering, how did you find me yesterday?" His face goes pale and he looks right through me for a second, but he quickly composes himself. I've been wondering this since he picked me up last night, but I didn't want to bring it up when we were arguing. The look on his face makes me think I shouldn't have brought it up at all. Finally he looks back to me, and releases the breath he was holding.
"After we got that first text from Chuck, I had Derrick install a tracking app on your phone. I was so afraid that you'd run and I wouldn't be able to find you, and I wouldn't survive if you left, so I was desperate. I swear baby, last night was the first time I used it. Are you angry?" I pinch my brow together and think for a second. I don't really want to be tracked, I've actively spent the last few years of my life avoiding it, but I understand the need to know where I am. I want to know where he is too. He puts his hand on my face and I look up at him. He is so afraid that he's ruined our day, but he hasn't.
"No Charlie, I'm not angry. I'm not happy about it, but at the same time I understand why you did it. But you have to promise me, that you won't use it again, unless it's an absolute emergency." He kisses my whole face all over making me giggle like a kid, and hugs me tight to him.
"I promise baby. I love you."
"I love you too. Maybe we should get out, the water is starting to get cold and I need food if we're going to do this all day." I laugh and kiss his cheek. He helps me stand and wraps a towel around me, drying my skin like he always does. I love that he does this, and I love knowing I'm the only woman he's done it for. Neither of us came into this relationship as virgins, but there were still things that we kept only for one another. I get all the sweet little things he does like brushing my hair and letting me sleep in his shirts, and he gets the vulnerable parts of me, like being able to undress me and hold me while I sleep. It's these things that make us closer, and they're my favorite things about us. Once we're both dry we walk into the bedroom to get dressed. I pull on some sweats and a T-shirt and Charlie does the same. When I look at him I have to laugh because we're matching, both deciding to wear black sweatpants and white T-shirt's. Once he notices, he grins at me picking me up from the floor.
"You are so cute." He giggles as he nuzzles his face into my hair.
"You're cute too, but I should probably go try to cover this bruise if we're going out to breakfast." He's still holding me up from the floor so we're face to face and he frowns bringing his hand up to touch the purple spot on my face. It doesn't hurt as bad as it did a few days ago, but it's still very prominent and it hurts me to look in the mirror. He kisses my eye gently and then presses his forehead to mine.
"I'm sorry that he did this to you. I'm so sorry I wasn't there to protect you." He sounds so sad and I want to make it better for him, but there was nothing he could have done.
"It's ok Charlie. I was the one who ran off, it's my fault this happened. Please don't blame yourself." He kisses my lips gently then looks into my eyes again.
"I do blame myself Jocelyn. I was supposed to protect you, and still he got to you. I was so afraid that day. I just don't know what I would do if something worse had happened." I hug him close, and he squeezes me as tight as he can in return.
"I don't want to dwell on it babe. I refuse to let him ruin our perfect day, he already ruined my face and that's all he's getting." I hear Charlie let out a small laugh then he sets me down and puts his palm on my cheek.
"Baby you are still the most beautiful thing I've ever seen, he didn't ruin your face." He kisses my forehead and my eyes flutter closed. I can feel my belly starting to get warm again, and I need to put some distance between us before we both end up naked. I turn my face and kiss his palm and then walk back into the bathroom. The bruise is almost green around the edges now, but my eye is still dark purple. The marks on my neck are gone so at least I don't have to deal with those. I apply some of the cream the hospital gave me and then I start putting layer after layer of concealer on. After about the fourth layer my face is just faintly purple, and I look almost like myself again. Just as I'm putting on some powder Charlie walks into the bathroom and starts brushing my hair.
"You look like you again baby, or mostly anyway." He pulls my hair off my back and ties it into a knot on top of my head, and leans down to kiss the skin where my neck and shoulder meet. It sends an electric shock through me and I immediately start to pant. He looks at me through the mirror and I know he can feel it too. I try to swallow the lump in my throat, but my mouth is dry. He grins at me and kisses the top of my head.
"Let's get you fed first baby, then I'll take care of you. I'm not sure either of us will survive another round on an empty stomach." As soon as he finishes speaking my stomach growls making both of us laugh. I turn around and put my arms around his waist pulling him into me.
"I am really hungry." He kisses the top of my head again and takes my hand to pull me toward the front door.
"What do you want to eat baby?"
"Can we have pancakes?" He laughs and pulls the front door shut behind him.
"Of course we can." I smile at him and he holds my hand while we walk to the car. It's already 11:00 and I feel like our day is flying by, but it has been so wonderful being able to spend some real quality time with him. We haven't been able to do that at all, and it's so nice to be able to just be in love. It is weird being in love though, considering neither one of us wanted this at all. I never imagined that we would turn into this, and it's even more unbelievable because he just wanted to have casual sex with me. Thinking of our first kiss, and that conversation, makes me laugh and Charlie looks over at me.
"What are you laughing at baby?" I squeeze his hand and look over to him.
"I was just thinking of our first kiss, and the conversation that lead up to it." He smiles and starts laughing too.
"Yeah who knew we would end up here only two weeks later. I was so afraid that night, but I'm more than happy with how things turned out." My face scrunches up and I turn in my seat so I can face him.
"What were you afraid of? I was the one who got ambushed with that kiss." He starts to blush and it gives me butterflies, and he lifts my hand to his lips and kisses my knuckles.
"Well first of all, I never expected to see you that night. I was going to call you the next day, but I walked in, and there you were; I'm pretty sure you were actually glowing, and I couldn't even see anyone else. I literally forgot how to breathe and I had to talk myself through walking to the table. You had been all I could think about that day, and I was forcing myself to wait to call you. When you kind of ignored me and walked out back, I couldn't take it anymore, so I followed you out. You were the most beautiful thing I'd ever laid eyes on, and I was so nervous, and you weren't helping because you kept stepping away from me when I would try to get closer to you. I'm not one to get nervous around women so when I was afraid to talk to you, I knew something was special about you. I don't know why I came up with the stupid friends with benefits idea, but it seemed to make sense at the time, and then when I kissed you it was like the ground fell out from underneath me. Nothing had ever made me feel that way, and I never wanted to stop. I wanted to bring you home, and never let you leave. I think I loved you as soon as I kissed you, but I just didn't realize it yet." He kisses my knuckles again and I think I may actually bust. I had no idea he was nervous, I was the one who felt like I was dying with him standing there.
"Wow." I don't really know what else to say and he just laughs at me. I felt the same way about that kiss, but it also terrified me.
"Yeah wow, that's what I thought until you ran away. I left immediately after because I was driving myself crazy thinking about where you were and why you were so upset. I wanted so badly to see you again, but you ignored my messages the next day, and I was getting desperate. Then I remembered Brandon knew you, so I asked him where you lived and I just showed up. Sorry if that freaked you out by the way, but I had to see you again." I can't help but smile because it did freak me out, but I don't want to hurt his feelings.
"I wouldn't say I was completely freaked out, but I was surprised. At that point I was still trying to hide myself from the world, but now that I've got you, I feel like I can do anything."
"You could always do anything baby, but I'm glad that my presence has helped you realize that." He pulls into the parking lot of iHOP and gets out to open my door. He takes my hand in his again, and we walk inside, and immediately get seated. We give our drink orders, and when the waiter leaves, Charlie takes my hand again, needing to touch me I guess.
"So what else are we going to do tonight?" We have all night, but I have to go back to work in the morning, so hopefully whatever he wants to do can still let me go to bed at a decent time. He grins at me, and my heart jumps into my throat.
"Well I do have one idea, but I'll need some time to get it ready, so once we get home, you can take a nap or get some work done or something while I get everything fixed. How does that sound?" My face scrunches up, and I try to think of what he could be planning, but I decide to let myself be surprised.
"Ok, that sounds great. Should I be scared?" He laughs, and kisses my knuckles.
"No baby, you shouldn't be scared. I think you're going to love it." The waiter comes back to take our orders, and I order chocolate chip pancakes, and Charlie orders some weird omelet. We talk nonstop through breakfast, totally ignoring everything else going on in the world, just enjoying being with one another. This may be our first date, but we don't have any of the awkwardness between us because we've already gotten to know each other very intimately. I internally roll my eyes, because we did this all backwards, but I wouldn't have it any other way. I have never been so relaxed with someone before, and I feel like I can just be myself. The concept is odd to me, because I'm not even sure who that is anymore. When Chuck broke me all those years ago, I was still a child, and in the years after, I was so guarded all the time, that I never actually got to blossom into the person I was supposed to be, but now here with Charlie, I am safe and I'm finding out who I actually am. I like who I am with him, and who he's helping me become, and I pray everyday that he continues to love me through it all.