Finding the Light

A Perfect Night

When we get home, Charlie tucks me into bed, and leaves to go to the store to get whatever it is he needs for tonight. I'm exhausted from our escapades this morning, and also from the big breakfast we had, so a nap is the most perfect thing right now. I snuggle into Charlie's pillow, breathing in his smell, and sigh. I don't think anyone has ever been happier than I am right now. Just as I'm about to fall asleep, my phone buzzes, and I groan, but sit up to grab it. It's a text from Eric. My skin starts crawling, and my heart forgets how to beat. I wasn't expecting to hear from him today, but I guess it was inevitable that he would speak to me again. Last night was almost a huge mistake. I wouldn't have regretted being with him, but I know he would have hated me for it. He was right when he said I would always go back to Charlie, and if we had finished what we started, it would have hurt him even more when I did leave. I run my hands through my hair, then open the text.
E- Come outside. I need to see you.
What? I jump out of bed and run faster than I ever thought possible through the house, and rip open the front door. When I do, he's standing there and he smiles down at me when he sees me.
"Eric what on earth are you doing here?" He frowns when he sees that I'm not as excited as he wanted me to be, but honestly, why would he think coming here would be a good idea.
"I waited for him to leave, I'm sorry, for just showing up, but I had to see you Jocelyn. After last night, I couldn't just let you be alone with him. I was so afraid he was going to hurt you, and I just had to see for myself that you were ok." He steps forward, and runs his fingers through my hair, forcing me to look up at him. His touch starts a fire in my belly, and I want to run into his arms, but at the same time, I want to run away screaming. He takes another step toward me, hoping to close the distance between us, but I take a small step back toward the door.
"Charlie would never hurt me Eric, but I can't say the same for you if you're still here when he gets home." I want him to stay, I wish I could have both of them, but I know I can't. I need him to leave, I'm not sure what Charlie had to go get, or where he went to get it, but I'm supposed to be napping, resting for our afternoon of love making, and here I am, talking to the one man Charlie hates more than anything. He is going to lose his mind if he sees Eric on our porch.
"I don't care what he does to me, I just want to make sure you're ok." His brow pinches together, and I know he is having a hard time with all of this.
"I'm fine Eric. I'm home, and this is where I need to stay." He reaches for my hand, and even though I shouldn't, I let him take it.
"Why do you need to stay here honey? You could come back with me. You're always happy when we're together, happier than you are with Charlie." He brings my hand to his lips and kisses my knuckles, making my knees give a little. I shake my head to clear the fog he created, and take my hand out of his.
"I can't Eric, I have to stay here." He huffs at me, and I can tell he is getting irritated.
"No you don't. You deserve to be happy, and I can do that for you. Why are you settling for him Jocelyn?" He crosses his arms over his chest, and takes a step back from me. I wasn't expecting to see him today, and I definitely wasn't expecting a fight either. I need him to leave though, so I do the only thing I can think of, and I hurt him.
"I'm not settling for him Eric, but I have to stay with him. We can't be together because I don't deserve you. You are so kind, and so good, and so normal, and I would just ruin all of that. Look at you, you've known me two weeks, and already I've made you miserable. I told you that I would break you, and I can already see that happening, and I won't continue doing it. You deserve someone who isn't going to just hurt you all time, someone who can give you a real life, with marriage and kids, and all of those things. I'm not capable of that, I never will be." A tear falls from my eyes, but I wipe it away quickly. Everything I've said is true, I will never be able to give Eric the kind of life he wants, the kind of life he deserves, but that doesn't mean saying it out loud doesn't hurt like hell for both of us. His face falls, and his arms drop from his chest. The sadness in his voice makes my heart hurt.
"You deserve all of those things too honey, and I know I could give them to you. Maybe one day you will realize that, and I hope it's sooner rather than later." He puts a hand on the side of my face, and kisses my bruised temple, wrapping his other arm around my back and pulling me to his chest. I can't help myself and I hug him, snuggling my face into his shoulder, letting my heart take over for a moment. He releases me and looks down into my eyes, and I know he can see how hurt I am, but I silently pray that he gives up hope for us. I could love Eric, very easily I think, but I won't do it. There is just too much for him to lose if I let myself have those feelings. He leans into me, and kisses my lips softly. I kiss him back, but force myself not to get carried away. He stands up straight and walks back to his car, and out of my life. I walk back inside and clutch my chest, willing my heart not to break. This is all too much, and I truly don't know how much more my body can take. Suddenly it's becoming hard to breathe and my tears are clouding my vision. I lean back against the door and slide down to the floor, trying to calm myself down. I bring my knees up and rest my head on them, and force myself to take long, slow breaths, trying to work through the panic I'm feeling. After two full minutes of deep breathing my heart rate is finally back to normal and my sobbing has stopped. I still have to see Eric because of work, but now I don't know how I'm going to face him. I'm so ashamed of the things I've done, and he was just an innocent bystander who got caught in the crosshairs. I will never forgive myself for hurting him. I stand up and walk on shaky legs to the bathroom to clean up my tear stained face. I don't know when Charlie will be back, and I don't want to explain to him why I've been crying, so I need to erase all traces of sadness from my face. When I look in the mirror I don't even recognize the person staring back at me. I have no idea who I am anymore. Everything about me is different since Charlie came into my life, and I haven't had time to figure out who or even what I am now. I know I'm happy with him and he's helping me grow, but it's happening really fast. I turn on the cold water and splash it all over my face. I change into one of Charlie's T-shirt's and crawl back into bed, snuggling into his pillow trying to bring back the happiness I felt just this morning.
"Baby, it's time to wake up." What? I pinch my eyes together and try to focus back on the darkness of sleep. I hear deep laughter then I feel myself being lifted, but still I keep my eyes shut.
"Jocelyn, it's time to wake up. You've been asleep for two hours baby." Charlie's lips brush past my ear as he whispers to me, sending electric shocks right down my spine. My eyelids flutter open and I look up at him staring down at me. He grins and attacks my face with kisses, this seems to be his favorite way to wake me up and I have to admit, I love it too. This man, who everyone else seems to be afraid of, is putty in my hands and also the silliest person I have ever met. I wiggle, trying to get away, and he shifts me in his lap so I'm straddling him.
"Ok ok, I'm awake." I am breathless from laughing, and the smile that crosses his face, leaves my lungs completely empty. He rubs his nose against mine, and butterflies explode in my belly.
"Good, I've been forcing myself to let you nap. You're going to need your strength for what I have planned." He leans back into me, barely touching his lips to mine, then starts planting soft kisses along my jaw. My whole body shakes, and I push myself down into him. I can already feel how hard he is beneath me, and I start rocking my hips back and forth, trying to create some friction. He growls into my neck and bites down, sucking on my skin. I throw my head back, and dig my nails into his forearms. He stands up, and turns us around so he can lay me in the middle of the bed. Our eyes stay locked on each other while he slowly pulls my pants and panties down my legs. He trails his fingertips up the side of my thighs, and I shiver again. Once he reaches my hips he takes his hands off me, grabbing onto the hem of my shirt. I sit up so he can slide it off, and once the cold air of the room hits me, my nipples tighten and he sucks in a breath of air. He grabs onto my ankle, and pulls me to the edge of the bed so my feet are dangling off. The bed sits too high, so my feet don't touch the floor, and he throws my legs over his shoulders. I sit up on my elbows, and he never looks away from me as he kisses the inside of my left thigh. He bites down, hard, causing a gasp to escape my lips, but immediately soothes the pain with a soft kiss. He continues his torture game, all the way up, until he is face to face with my center. I push myself forward, begging him to give me some release, but he just grins, and then moves to my right leg to start his game all over again.
"You are killing me Charlie." As soon as I say his name, his mouth is on me. The force of it causes me to fall back, and I let out a loud moan, gripping onto the bed, trying to hold myself in place. I can feel him laughing against me, and the vibration of it nearly sends me over the edge. I force myself back up onto my elbows, so I can watch him. He pushes his tongue all the way inside me, his teeth grazing over my swollen bud. I need more friction, more pressure, so I grab onto his hair, and hold him in place. He groans into me, and starts sucking on the sensitive skin, while he slips two fingers into me. He moves them slowly in and out, stretching me open, while continuing to focus his tongue at the top of my sex. The pressure is building, and I am so close to exploding, I'm not sure how much longer I can hold on. His hand is gone for a moment, and as I'm about to protest the emptiness, he pushes three fingers into me, while pushing my legs further apart to give himself more room. The fullness is intense, almost to much so, and I cry out. He doesn't stop, but he slows down, making sure not to hurt me. He kisses me all over, trying to help relax me I think. It only takes maybe a minute, and some adjusting of my legs, but now there is no more resistance.
"You truly are amazing baby." I want to look at him, but I'm stuck down to the bed, my body refusing to move from the pleasurable place it's in now. He turns his palm up, so he can rub my most sensitive spot, and then his tongue is back on me. The feeling is almost too much, and I try to squirm away, but he grabs onto my thigh and pulls me back into his waiting mouth. He is going to torturously slow, and the fire I feel is almost to much to bare.
"Charlie, please." I can barely speak, and my eyes refuse to open, but I need the release he is teasing me with. He groans again, and then pushes his fingers further upward, applying hard pressure, while at the same time biting down on me. It is too much for me to take, and my orgasm tears through me, causing me to scream. He holds me in place, and doesn't let up the pressure of his fingers, continuing to rub hard circles, while using his tongue to drink down everything that I am. My brain is in a fog, and I have no idea how long my orgasm lasts, but it feels like years. Finally, I feel his hand leave me, and my body feels strange without it there. He picks me up, and holds me against his chest while he sits at the top of the bed. I am completely spent, but I need to stay awake, because I know he's not done with me yet. My head rolls back, and I look up at him.
"If you have more things like that planned, I'm not sure I'm going to be able to walk right tomorrow." My voice sounds so sleepy, and I have to laugh at myself. I thought he was putty in my hands, but here I am, completely limp after one orgasm.
"Oh I plan on making sure you won't walk right for a few days baby. Now let's get you dressed because dinner will be ready soon." I pinch my brow together and look at him.
"What do you mean get dressed? We're not done are we?" I want, no I need more of him, and he's just going to leave me in this state. He grins and kisses my forehead.
"No baby, we're not done, we're just taking a break. Come on, you need to eat." He sets me on the floor by the bed, and I cross my arms over my chest, giving him my best pouty face. He laughs, but doesn't touch me like I want him too. He just picks up my clothes and starts dressing me. We're not leaving the house, so he lets me stay in my sweats and his shirt, so I'm comfortable. He takes my hand and we walk out of the bedroom toward the kitchen. The smell of the food hits me, and my mouth starts to water. I am starving, and I can't wait to see what he has made. When we walk into the kitchen, my breath is taken away. The lights are off, but there are candles everywhere, giving the room a soft luminance. There's also lilies, vases and vases full of them, all over the counters and on the table. I let go of his hand and walk further into the room, not really believing that this is real life. I feel something under my bare feet, and when I look down there are rose petals all over the floor. I can tell they are real from how soft they are on my skin. I can't believe that he did all of this for me, and a tear escapes my eyes. I turn back around to look at him, and he is watching me, waiting to see how I will react. I walk over to him, and wrap my arms around his waist, and look up into his beautiful face.
"How did you know my lilies are my favorite?" He lets out a breath he was apparently holding, and I can see relief flooding his face. He was really worried I wasn't going to like this, but I don't understand why. No man has ever put in this much effort to make me smile, and there was now way I wasn't going to love it.
"Your mom told me, I called her earlier to get some answers so I could make tonight perfect. She told me your favorite flower, your favorite wine, and also your favorite food. I let you sleep so long because it took me forever to get it ready." He smiles down at me, clearly happy with himself and all that he's done. I snuggle into his chest, and hold him as tight as I can.
"This is amazing Charlie, thank you so much." He holds me tight to him for a moment, but then releases me so we can walk to the table. He pulls my chair out for me, and then pushes me in when I sit down.
"I hope you're hungry baby." He goes back to the island and grabs our plates and brings them to the table. When he sets the plate in front of me, I am so excited. I grin up at him, not able to hold in my excitement. He's made my favorite meal from childhood. Baked chicken and cheesy potatoes.
"I cannot believe you actually made this. My mom only makes it once a year for my birthday because it takes so long." He kisses my forehead then sit down beside me at the table.
"That's why I let you sleep for so long. The chicken takes forever to make." He laughs, and my heart melts. I cut into my chicken and he pours out my favorite peach flavored wine, and everything is perfect.
"I had no idea you had this in you Charlie, this is incredible." He swallows the bit of food in his mouth and then smiles at me.
"You deserve all this and more baby, I love you."
"I love you too." I think about telling him about Eric's visit this morning, but I don't want to ruin our night. He worked too hard on this date for me to mess it up, so I decide to keep my mouth shut. I never want to hide anything from him, but right now I think keeping this from him is the best thing. The food is delicious, and our conversation flows easily, and soon two bottles of wine are gone, and I'm starting to feel a little hazy. Charlie clears the table, and then comes back to stand in front of me.
"There's just one more surprise, then we can go to bed baby." I have no idea what he could mean, but I take his hand he leads me to the back patio. When he opens the door, and flips a switch, the dark night is lit up by what seems like hundreds of fairy lights strung across the yard. There's more lilies and rose petals and the smell of them is intoxicating. I'm still staring at the lights, when I hear soft music begin to play. There's no words, just a beautiful piano melody, and it instantly makes my knees weak. He really did think of everything. He walks up to me and holds my hands in his.
"Will you dance with me?" I giggle, and nod my head. This is all some weird fairy tale, but I love it more than I've ever loved anything. He holds me close and I wrap one arm around his waist, he does the same, but holds onto my right hand and places out interlocked fingers on his chest. He sways me back and forth to the music, and I almost feel like we're floating instead of standing in our backyard. Being here in his arms like this, it's almost like nothing bad has ever happened before, like I have a clean slate to work with now. He has cleared away all the darkness that was living inside my soul, and replaced it with his warmth. He kisses the top of my head, and the feeling brings me out of my daze and I look up at him.
"You know, you've set the bar pretty high when it comes to our dates. How are you ever going to top this?" He smiles, my favorite smile, and kisses my nose.
"As long as we're together, I think every date will just continue getting better, don't you?"
"Mm, good answer." He brings our still enclosed hands under my chin and tilts my head back, before leaning down to kiss me. This kiss is different than any other one we've ever shared, it's almost like I can feel everything he feels, and it's sensory overload. He wraps both arms around my back, and leans me forward so he can deepen the kiss. I fist my fingers into his long hair, and pull down, holding him in place. Too soon, he breaks away from the kiss and presses his forehead to mine, letting me catch my breath.
"Is the date over Charlie?" I want to get him in bed, and I need it to be now.
"No baby, the dancing is over, but the date isn't." There is so much lust in his eyes, and I know I'm in for a wild night.
"What else did you have planned?" I run my fingers through his hair, and his eyes close for a moment. I love the way his body reacts to me, and I know he knows what his touch does to me. It's almost like we are two parts to one whole, and nothing can keep us from finding our way back to each other. He suddenly hoists me up into the air. I gasp, but quickly wrap my legs around his waist to steady myself. He buries his face into my neck and runs his tongue all the way up to my ear. My head rolls back, and I let out a soft moan.
"I'm going to show you what I have planned for you baby." He keeps one hand under my legs to hold me in place, and his other fists into my hair, pulling my head to the side. He bites down on my shoulder, causing me to cry out. He has found the perfect line between pleasure and pain, and it makes me instantly soaked. He looks back up into my eyes, and I kiss him, hard, forcing my tongue into his mouth. He tastes so good. Without breaking the kiss, he walks us back into the house, and into the bedroom. I'm not sure how we don't run into anything because we are completely consumed in one another. He drops me onto the bed, and I squeal, excited for what's coming. I have no idea what he is going to do, and the anticipation is only making me wetter. He just stands at the side of the bed, watching me.
"Charlie? What's wrong?" Suddenly I feel cold, like maybe he is changing his mind about being with me.
"Nothing is wrong baby, but I want to do something a little different tonight. Is that ok?" He seems shy almost in asking me this.
"Of course that's ok. What do you want to do?"
"You'll see. Take off your clothes baby." He wants me to undress myself? He's always taken my clothes off, but the way he's looking at me now makes me realize something. He wants me to expose myself to him, and he wants to watch me do it. I never take my eyes off his as I stand up from the bed. I slowly pull his shirt off me, and drop it to the floor. He pulls his bottom lip into his mouth and he looks down at my breasts, trying to pop out of my bra. I slip my fingers into my waist band, and slide my pants down, kicking them aside. Now I'm standing in front of him, in just my matching black bra and panties. His breathing is starting to turn to panting, and I know that I'm giving him exactly what he wants. I reach my hands behind me and unhook my bra, letting it drop off me. When my breasts are free, I cup them in my hands, and roll my nipples between my fingers, causing them to tighten even more. He groans, and I can see him becoming hard. Finally, I slip my panties off, and then I'm completely bare in front of him.
"Ok, now your turn." I smile at him, and he immediately does as he's told. He doesn't take near as much time as I do, and in three seconds he is naked. He takes two steps forward and wraps me in his arms, pulling me into a breathtaking kiss. He is so warm against me and I melt into him, never wanting to stop. He picks me up from the floor and carries me to the bed, dropping me on the edge. I have no idea what he has planned so I just sit there, butterflies exploding in my stomach, and the anticipation killing me. He leans down so his face is inches from mine.
"Do you trust me?" He kisses each of my cheeks softly and then the tip of my nose.
"Yes I trust you." My whole body starts shivering. He takes my hands and stands me up. I'm expecting him to kiss me, but he turns me around and pushes me down onto the bed.
"Climb up, but stay at the edge so I can reach you." I do as I'm told and get on all fours. His hands are instantly on my hips, gripping me hard, and pulling my backside to him. Suddenly I feel him bite down on my left cheek and I shoot forward, the surprise of it making me jump. He isn't having it though and yanks me back to him, and then his mouth is on me, his face buried deep between my legs. I can feel myself tightening and I know it won't be long before I come undone, but then he's gone. I whimper slightly from the frustration of my orgasm being taken away. He leans down to whisper in my ear, his breath fanning all over my face.
"Ok, just relax and trust me ok?" He sounds almost worried, and now I'm starting to get scared.
"Ok." He slides into me from behind and I come undone instantly as he bottoms out. He continues his long, slow strokes and I bury my face into the blankets trying to contain my screams. I'm trying to catch my breath and he stills for a moment and I hear the bedside drawer open. Before I can turn to look at what's going on, I feel something cold and stiff against my back entrance. I pull away from him, terrified of what he's going to do, but he grips onto my hip again.
"It's ok baby, just relax. Just let me know when you've had enough and I'll stop." I don't know if I can relax but I nod my head and push back onto him. He starts moving inside me again, slowly trying to make my muscles loosen. I force myself to take a deep breath and once my lungs are empty he pushes the tip of the plug into me, it's not a big as I thought it would be, and it doesn't hurt but it is strange. I've never let anyone do something like this to me, but I never want to deny Charlie anything. He continues moving his hips back and forth at a slow pace, and starts moving his toy to the same rhythm. I've never felt so stretched or so vulnerable, but I've also never felt so good in my life.
"More Charlie, please." He picks up the pace, pushing harder and deeper into both entrances, and I throw my head back. All of the pain is gone and I start pushing my hips back to meet his thrusts. Everything is building up quickly and my vision is starting to blur. His grip on my hip tightens and I know he's close. I need just a little more. I reach my hand down between my legs and pinch my bud. The second I touch myself, the flood gates open, and I fall face first onto the bed. I have never felt anything so intense, but then I feel Charlie finish. He pushes into me, growling my name, and everything goes fuzzy. My whole body collapses and I can't move, stuck in my post orgasm haze. I feel him remove himself from both places and once I'm completely empty I curl my legs up underneath me. I have no energy to move up to my pillow, so Charlie brings a warm towel from the bathroom and cleans me up as best he can, then pulls me into his lap. He starts stroking and kissing my hair and I look up at him.
"Hi." I smile, but I'm ready to pass out. He just laughs and kisses my forehead.
"Hi baby. How do you feel?" He looks so worried that I'm going to say I hated it, but I didn't.
"I feel great. That was intense, and a little surprising, I've never done anything like that before, but it was really incredible." He lets out a breath and relaxes the rest of the way.
"I'm glad baby. I'm sorry I just sprung it on you, but I figured if you had time to think about it, you'd say no. I've never done anything like that either, but I've always wanted too." He leans down and kisses my whole face.
"Well if all the new things you want to do are that much fun, then I'm game all the time." We both laugh and he carries me into the bathroom to get us both cleaned up. This day has been the best possible day I could have ever imagined. As Charlie lowers us down into the warm water of the bathtub, I think about Eric and wonder if he and I would ever be able to have a day like this. We do always have a good time together, but I don't think he could make me feel the way Charlie does. I don't think anything or anyone could ever make me feel like Charlie does. He has become my entire world, and that is just fine with me.