Finding the Light

Someone New

As I'm waiting on the elevator, I pull my phone out to see if Charlie has texted me back. I have a couple new emails, and three message. Two from Charlie, and one from Jake. The emails are just from my boss, some notes about this mornings meeting, thank god because I wasn't paying any attention to anything in there, and also two emails about my meeting this afternoon. I decide to read through these once I'm at my desk, and I open the text from Jake.
J: I'm so glad that you came over today. I know that you're hesitant, but I want you to know that I will do everything I can to make this work. I hope you have a good day. Please text me later.
Oh no. I'm so afraid this was a mistake. Do everything he can to make this work? Does that include leaving Kathryn? Because I don't know how I will explain that one away. She's my roommate and best friend, I'm not going to be able to hide this forever if he decides to start showing other people his feelings for me. I press my fingers into my temples; I need to come up with some ground rules for this, and the first being that until I'm ready no one can know about this because we are still cheating. The elevator doors open and I sigh as I step through, this is going to be a long day. I put my phone back in my pocket and try to put myself back into a work state of mind. Right before the doors close, someone stops them and walks through. I was hoping to make this ride up alone, but I suppose that dream is dashed now. A man with dark skin and short black hair steps into the elevator and shrugs his shoulders fixing his jacket. He lets out a sigh of relief, and then looks back at me and smiles. His amber eyes shine with kindness and I'm taken aback at how good looking he is. I give a small smile back and he looks me up and down before speaking.
"Thought I was going to have to take the stairs. What floor are you going to?"
"Five please." I don't have any intention on making small talk with this man, and I just want to take this ride in peace. He laughs slightly before pushing the button.
"What a coincidence, so am I." I just smile at him in response and go back to my own thoughts. The text from Jake still has me worried. What if he does decide to end things with Kat? That is not a good idea, and she will most definitely find out because he will start coming over, and not to see her. I can't think about this now, I have to get ready for my meeting. This new author is someone I'm really excited about, and I hope he's as captivating in person as he is on paper. These days it's not just about a great story, but it's also about a great personality to get published. The elevator doors open back up and the stranger lets me out first. I nod as I walk past him and he gives a small wave. I turn to the right and head down to my office. Once I unlock the door I put my things away, and sit down at my computer to go over the notes my boss sent from the meeting this morning. My office phone rings and I nearly jump out of my seat. It's an outside call so I answer with my standard greeting.
"Thomas Publishing this is Jocelyn." My voice sounds flat and uninviting, and I can only hope that it's not someone important calling.
"Wow you sound so excited to be at work today." My whole mood changes and my heart jumps into my throat.
"Charlie? Why are you calling me at work? Is something wrong? How did you get my office number?" I'm excited to hear from him, but this is strange. No one ever calls my office. Not even my parents.
"Why would something have to be wrong for me to want to hear your voice? And I just called the receptionist and asked for your phone; apparently you're the only Jocelyn that works there. But, you didn't answer my texts so I thought I would call you and see how your day is going." He sounds a little off, but maybe he's just tired. He couldn't have gotten much sleep last night.
"I'm sorry, I meant to return your messages, but I got distracted with an email and prepping for this meeting. The new author I told you about, he's coming in today at 1:30 so I can't talk long because I only have about 15 minutes before he's due to be here. How are you?"
"Oh I'm fine. I'm more worried about you. Are you feeling OK with everything? If I'm being honest, I'm afraid you're going to take off and I'll never hear from you again." If I'm being honest too, that's something that has crossed my mind a couple times, but I don't want to go. I'm happy here with my friends, and my job, and even Charlie, and I don't want to give that up unless I absolutely have too.
"No Charlie, I'm not going to take off. Aside from all the crazy that went on last night, I'm happy that you and I met, and I don't want to give up on our friendship before it even has a chance to begin. Besides, I still need a ride home from work." I laugh and I can almost hear him smile through the phone.
"You have no idea how happy I am to hear you say that. Do you just want to go straight home from work or would you like to come to my place again?" Do I want to go home tonight? I really don't because I'm not ready to talk to my friends just yet, but I can also hear the innuendo in Charlie's voice, and I'm not sure if sex is good for us right now, so now I have truly no idea what to do. A knock at my door brings me out of my thoughts.
"Charlie I have to go, my meeting is about to start. I'll think about tonight and let you know later ok?"
"Ok baby, have a good day." I hang up the phone and go to answer the door. It's Rachel the receptionist.
"Yes Rachel?"
"Your 1:30 is here Jocelyn, he's a little early so I was coming to see if maybe you wanted to see him early."
"Of course, send him in please, and thank you."
I go to sit back at my desk and open my notes on the manuscript that I took yesterday morning. I really did enjoy the parts of this book that I was able to read, so I can't wait to get this meeting started. My door opens again and I have to take a second look to be sure of what I'm looking at. The man who walks into my office is the man from the elevator. He puts on a mega watt smile and walks up to my desk to reach for my hand. I stand up to return the gesture and watch him as he looks me up and down again. I'm suddenly self conscious about the low cut of my shirt.
"Well, I would have made more conversation on the elevator if I knew you were who I was meeting with. My name is Eric, it is a real pleasure to meet you." His hand is soft in mine, and he has such a kind face, it's hard not to be attracted to him.
"The pleasure is all mine Eric, my name is Jocelyn and I'll be handling the details of your publishing. Well, that is until you actually get published and then one of the senior editors will take you on. Please have a seat." I motion to one of the chairs sitting in front of my desk and he nods before sitting down. I sit back down into my chair and open my notes.
"Eric I just have to say before we get started, I was very impressed with your novel. I read through half of it yesterday, and it was magnificent." He smiles again, and looks like he might blush.
"Thank you, that means a lot to me. I have worked very hard on this and it's nice for it to be appreciated." He gives me a shy smile and I already know that I like him.
"Well you should be very proud. Now do you have any questions for me? Have you ever published before?" There's no note of him having published before, but he could have done so under a different name, so it's always best to just ask. I know better than anyone what it's like to assume a new identity.
"No I've never published before. I've never actually written before either."
"You've never written before? Now that I find hard to believe." I smile at him and he gives me a look I can't quite decipher, but it lasts only a second and then he smiles back.
"It's true. One day I just woke up and had a story in my head and I decided to write it down. It's loosely based around my grandparents. They raised me, and their lives were truly something to behold. So when they passed last year, I decided to write my version of their story." I knew there was something old about the way he was writing.
"I'm so sorry to hear that they passed, but the story you are telling for them is beautiful. I haven't made it to the end yet, but I can't wait to see where you take them. Can you tell me a little bit more about why you chose the story you chose, and also why the characters seem to be struggling so much?"
"Of course. So as I said my grandparents raised me, my parents both died when I was very young, so they took me in; but my grandmother used to tell me stories about the things her and my grandfather would do together before they settled down. They lived in a poor area, and there was just no money for anything, so they made their own adventures. Once, my grandpa built a boat for them out of scrap wood, and they spent an entire week on it, just exploring the rivers and sleeping under the stars. They lived such a poor life, but one so rich in love and adventure that I couldn't help but be mesmerized by it. That is why I chose to tell their story. Of course there are things about their lives that I could never know, so that's what makes it a fictional tale, but the people were very much real." My breath is just taken away listening to him talk about his grandparents. It takes me about three full seconds to realize that I'm just gawking at him starry eyed. I blink and sit up straight in my chair.
"You are quite the exceptional storyteller. I am so excited to see what other things you are going to go on to do. I have to tell you Eric, this meeting was just a formality. I knew yesterday that I wanted to publish your book. I just had to meet the man behind the story, and I'm very glad that I did." He smiles at me again, and I find myself admiring his mouth. He really is quite attractive, but I can't let that distract me. When I meet his eyes again, I can tell from the look on his face that his mind was in the same place mine was. I clear my throat and look back to my notes. I cannot get involved with a client; besides I already have way to many men in my life as it is.
"Jocelyn, thank you. I cannot thank you enough; this is the best publishing agency in the state, and I thought I was just lucky enough to get a meeting, who knew I'd be getting published and meeting someone like you as well." My belly starts to get warm at his words.
"Someone like me?" I involuntarily bite the inside of my lip and he shifts in his chair in response.
"I just mean, someone so. Well actually I don't know how to say this without ruining everything so I guess never mind." He laughs uncomfortably, running his hand through his hair, and I know I shouldn't but I want to know what he has to say.
"No please, you wont ruin anything. Tell me what you meant." I give him a small smile and wait for his response. If this is going where I think it is, I'm going to have to send him to a senior editor much quicker than anticipated because I can't have a client around who is trying to be anything more than friendly. He gives me a look I know all too well, and he sits forward slightly in his chair. His shoulder muscles are showing through his suit jacket, and his clean shaven face has a slight sheen to it from the sweat forming around his brow. His bright amber eyes stand out and almost glow against his dark skin. He really is quite attractive, and if we had met anywhere but work, I would be jumping all over the invitation I know he's about to give.
"Well, I just mean you are quite an intriguing woman. I don't think I've ever met someone so captivating, and at the risk of you kicking me out of this office right now, I don't think I've ever seen a sexier woman in my life." My lips part slightly and I let out a puff of air. The heat in my belly grows even hotter and I press my thighs together to try and stifle some of the pressure I'm feeling. I'm uncomfortable, but I am familiar with this game; he has just caught me off guard. He gives me a smile and I know he thinks he's won me over, but I'm not going to make this easy for him.
"Well, you are trying to risk it all aren't you? Thank you for the compliment Eric, but as you probably guessed, it's against company policy for employees to be involved with clients in any manner." He sits back slightly, clearly expecting that to be my response.
"Well Jocelyn, how long will I actually be your client? You said once I was published you'd send my contract up to a senior editor. Haven't you already decided to publish me? Wouldn't that mean I'm no longer your client?" He sits forward again, trying to be as close to me as possible without actually coming around the desk. I have a slight feeling that he's doing this to make sure his book gets published.
"We have some papers to sign today, and then I will send your manuscript upstairs. Once that editor reads it, then they will decide if you will get to print or not. I just take meetings with new authors and get them to sign a letter of intent to publish, you don't sign a contract until you meet with a senior editor. So I'm sorry to inform you, but trying to seduce me will not get your book published. Unless you want to seduce Ted, the editor who I will be sending your story to."
The shocked look on his face confuses me. I'm not sure if he thought I would be handing him a contract or if he didn't realize that I would actually catch onto his game.
"I'm sorry, I wasn't trying to ensure my publication by seducing you. Please don't think that. Actually you could throw my manuscript in the trash and swear to never publish me, and I would still want to ask you to have dinner with me, but I apologize, I guess I misread the signals." He sits up straight in his chair and folds his hands over his lap. Did he misread the signals? I know that I was reacting to him.
"I'm sorry Eric. I just assumed that's what you were trying to do. It wouldn't be the first time that has happened, if I'm being truthful." He visibly relaxes and I can almost see the tension leaving his face.
"Well, with all that aside, are you seeing anyone? Because I would love to take you out this weekend." He grins a mischievous grin and I can't help but giggle at him.
"No I'm not seeing anyone, not exclusively anyway. But I don't think that a date would be appropriate at this time. I do really want to publish your story Eric, and I can't do that if we get 'involved' before those contracts are signed. So for now, would you settle for exchanging phone numbers, and maybe revisiting this topic once things are finalized?" I know I shouldn't, but I'm finding myself more and more curious of what he would be like in bed. I bite my lip, on purpose this time, and he squirms a little. I push the letter of intent that needs his signature across the desk, he signs it and slides it back to me.
"I would love that Jocelyn." I hand him my card, and tell him to call or text me any time. We both stand and I walk around the desk and stop in front of him. He's not as tall as Jake or Charlie, but he holds himself with such confidence that I can tell he knows the effect he has on women. I expect him to shake my hand, but the way he's looking at me, for a moment I think he might lean over and kiss me. He rubs the back of his neck with his hand and laughs uncomfortably.
"I'm sorry, I should shake your hand and leave now shouldn't I?" He's blushing and it is very cute. I can feel that I have a slight flush as well, and I laugh a little.
"Yes, that would be best. For now anyway." He reaches out and we shake hands, and I walk him to the door. As I'm opening the door he looks at me again and smiles.
"I want you to know, I'm looking forward to the day I can take you out."
"You are quite the charmer aren't you Eric." We laugh together, but once I look up I go silent and I can feel all the blood drain from my face. Charlie is standing in front of Rachel's desk watching me intently. Eric notices the sudden change in my behavior and follows my gaze to the mammoth of a man who is now making his way over to us. My voice comes out so quiet I'm not sure he even hears me.
"Charlie, what are you doing here?" He walks up to us, ignoring Eric all together, and puts his palm on the side of my face. As if by instinct I lean into his hand and close my eyes breathing in his scent. I reach my hand up and fold my fingers into his, holding his hand to my too warm cheek. I open my eyes and tilt my head back to look up at his beautiful face.
"I know you don't get off until four, but I couldn't wait any longer to see you." Keeping his hand on my face, he leans down and kisses the top of my head. Eric coughs next to us, and I realize I had completely forgotten he was standing there. "Uhm, Charlie, this is..uh" My mind seems to have run away.
"Eric, my name is Eric." I sound like a bumbling idiot. I'm suddenly irritated that Charlie is affecting me so.
"Eric, yes. Charlie this is Eric, Eric this is my friend Charlie." Eric reaches out to shake Charlie's hand, and he looks so uncomfortable, but not intimidated; he looks like he feels as though he is intruding on something private. Charlie takes his hand off my face so he can shake Eric's. I side step slightly to put some distance between me and the two men.
"Hi Eric, are you the new author that Jocelyn was so excited about?" Eric gives a wicked smile as he turns to look at me. Charlie must notice, because he wraps his arm around my waist, and pulls me slightly behind him.
"Yes, I guess I am. Jocelyn it was so lovely to meet you, and I am so looking forward to working with you more closely in the future." He reaches for my hand and I take it, pulling away from Charlie. I can feel the tension coming off him, but for now I try to ignore it.
"Thank you for coming in Eric, I will get your manuscript up to Ted today. You should be hearing from me by the end of the week." He squeezes my hand slightly before letting go.
"Sounds great." He turns and walks away from us, but not before giving Charlie a strange look. I turn around and walk back into my office before I make a scene. Charlie follows behind me and shuts the door. I turn around to look at him and he's just standing there with his arms crossed, looking sexy as ever in a tight white t-shirt and blue jeans. His hair is pulled back in that messy bun again, with small strands falling down onto his beautiful face. His beard looks freshly trimmed and my mouth starts to water. I can see every muscle in his large arms, and I have no idea how that thin shirt isn't ripping apart. I shake my head and force myself to think about anything besides how much I want to jump him.
"Charlie, what on earth are you doing here? I don't get off work for another two hours! This is my workplace, you can't just walk in here and start waiting outside my office." My irritation with him is short lived because he takes two steps and wraps me into his arms. My knees go weak and I'm glad he's holding me or I might have fallen. I melt into him, and nuzzle my face to his chest. I feel so safe here, with Charlie holding me tight. I feel like nothing in the world can get to me. He squeezes me closer to him and kisses my hair.
"I know I'm a little early, but I just couldn't wait any longer to see you. If you really want me to leave though, I will." He unwraps me from his embrace, and steps back. I'm suddenly cold and realize that I needed that touch more than I have ever needed anything. I don't want him to leave, actually I want to leave with him.
"No, you don't have to go. You just took me by surprise I guess." An irritated look comes across his face.
"Are you surprised because you were having so much fun with Eric?" Eric?
"What are you talking about? That was the author I told you about this morning. We were finishing up our meeting, he's a client Charlie." I hope he can hear the annoyance in my voice.
"So it's just a coincidence, that he was completely into you then?" His hands ball up into fists and I can tell he's angry.
"Excuse me? Where is all this coming from?" What the hell is he going on about? Even if he knew about the conversation Eric and I had, he has no right to be upset. He rubs the back of his neck and lets out a breath he was apparently holding.
"I'm sorry. I guess I just didn't expect to see the two of you coming out of your office and have to see him look at you the way he was. I guess I was just a little jealous." He shrugs his shoulders and crosses his arms again. He looks almost defeated.
"Jealous?" I can't help it, and I start laughing uncontrollably. He looks at me like I've gone insane, but then he starts laughing too.
"Why are you laughing at me?"
"I'm sorry, I'm not I promise. I just didn't realize you would be jealous of anyone or anything."
"What do you mean?" He sits down in the chair opposite my desk and opens his arms for me to sit with him. I sit on his knee and lean into him.
"Well I just mean that you don't have a need to be. I mean look at you. You are the sexiest man I have ever laid eyes on. Why would you be jealous of a random man coming out of my office?" He smiles and kisses my nose.
"Well I guess I was jealous because, for at least that moment, he got to see a carefree side of you. All I've seen so far is the Jocelyn who keeps trying to run away from me." He furrows his brow and shakes his head. I have been trying to run from him haven't I?
"Charlie, we have known each other three days. So there hasn't been enough time for you to get to know too many sides of me. But I'm sorry if I've been trying to run away. The truth is, you make me feel weird." He looks offended and I can't help but laugh.
"Not in a bad way, at least I don't think, but I've never felt so safe yet so afraid with someone before. You just take my breath away, and I'm not sure how I feel about it yet." He barely gives me time to finish before he pulls me in to kiss me. He wraps both his arms around my back and picks me up so I can straddle him. I am thankful in this moment more than any other that my office doesn't have a window. I push myself further down onto him and feel his erection beneath me. We can't have sex in my office, but I also can't help but love the way he responds to me. He grabs a fistful of my hair and breaks away from the kiss. I put my hand on the side of his face the same way he does to me. He leans into my hand and closes his eyes. He hesitates another moment before opening his eyes to look at me, but there's something there I haven't see before. He looks almost sad, but I have no idea why he would be sad while kissing me.
"Oh Jocelyn." He moans as he pulls my hair tilting my head back slightly. He kisses my neck and chest, his lips so soft against my skin that's it's giving me goosebumps. His other arm moves down my back so he can cup my backside. I wrap both my fists into his hair and push my chest up to meet his mouth. He buries his face between my breasts, pushing my shirt down to expose my bra. He lets go of my hair to push his hand under the fabric to play with my already sensitive nipple, and he bites the hot skin under my jaw. I have to bite the inside of my cheek to stifle the moan that wants to escape. He is tilting his hips up to meet mine, wanting the same contact that I do. Somehow, I hear a phone ringing outside my office, and I'm able to realize that we need to stop before this goes to far. When I speak I'm completely breathless.
"Charlie, as much as I need this right now, we can't do this in my office. We need to stop." He pulls his hand from my breast immediately, and fixes my shirt for me.
"You're right. I'm sorry, I guess I just needed to touch you. Do you want me to leave then?" He has that sad look again, and a lump forms in my throat.
"I have never wanted anyone to stay more than I want you to stay right now." I'm surprised by my own words, and I can tell he is as well, but the smile that forms tells me he's also happy with my response.
"Well what do you say to leaving a little early then. We can finish what we've started, and then I can take you out on a real date." He kisses my collar bone again and rubs his nose along the underside of my jaw. My whole body is shaking with a need for him. I look at the clock. It's 2:15. I have about an hours worth of things that have to get done before the end of the day and then I can leave an hour early; besides I usually come in an hour early, so I don't think Susan, my boss, will mind.
"OK, just let me do a few things and then we can go." He smiles that smile that makes me see stars and I lean down to kiss him again. He hugs me tight to him deepening the embrace. This is one kiss I do not want to break, but if we want to have any chance of getting out of here then I have to get my work done. I pull away from him, leaving both of us panting, wanting more.
"Just give me a little bit ok? Can you sit here and not try any funny business while I finish my work?" He laughs at me as he puts his palm against my face again. I am realizing now, just how much I love it when he does this.
"Yes baby, I can sit here and be good. I want you to get done as fast as possible so I can get you home." He winks at me, and I roll my eyes and climb off of him. I giggle as he adjusts himself through his pants. I sit down at my desk to call Susan and let her know I'll be leaving a little early. Charlie sits quietly in the chair across from me. He's watching me with a look I can't read, and for some reason I feel like I might cry. I want to be with him. I want to continue this friendship, but I just don't know how I can without putting both of us at risk. I shake my head and try to focus on my work. Even if I can't be with him longterm, we can at least have tonight.