Finding the Light

The Second Night

I'm running through the house, I have to get away from him. He's hasn't been this bad in awhile. I duck into the closet in the laundry room and lock the door. He fell on the steps when he was chasing me around the corner, so it gave me a little cushion to get farther away. I have nothing in here to protect myself. If he breaks through the door I know what will happen. I can make it through this though; I always do. Suddenly he punches through the thin door and reaches down to unlock it. He rips it open so hard that it almost comes off it's hinges.
"There you are, you stupid bitch."
"Chuck please, I didn't mean to upset you. I'm sorry." I'm crying hard now. I just want to appease him so I don't get hurt. I can't take another beating.
"Shut up! How dare you say no to me. Do you think anyone else would ever want you? You're lucky that I take such good care of you." He grabs my arm and pulls me up from the floor. I try to resist but he is stronger than me, and he hasn't been drinking this time; he's completely sober, and that is giving him even more focus and strength. He yanks on my arm and throws me to the ground in the middle of the room. I know what's coming. He unzips his pants. I move to crawl away but he kicks me hard. I let out a yelp of pain and clutch my side. He crawls on top of me now.
"Now don't move and you give me what is mine. Do you hear that? You are mine, and that means you don't get to say no. I take care of you, and that means now you get to take care of me."  He pulls my pants off. I prepare myself for this. It's happened before. I remove myself mentally. I try to think of other things, but it doesn't help. He's forcing himself inside me now and it hurts. I cry out in pain and he slaps me.

I sit straight up in bed. Tears streaming down my face. I have no idea why that dream came to me. I take a deep breath. Wait. I'm not at home. I start to panic, where am I? Suddenly someone sits up beside me.
"Jocelyn what's wrong, why are you crying?" Charlie. I'm at Charlie's house. I fell asleep in Charlie's bed? The evening comes back to me; we had dinner, we had sex, and then he fell asleep. I fell asleep? I have to get out of here. He reaches up to wipe the tears from my face, but I pull away and he lets his hand fall back down.
"Nothing, it's nothing, Charlie what time is it? I have to go." I can't see a clock, but I know it's late. The sun is gone, and that means I should be too. Charlie turns to the right and looks at a clock on the nightstand.
"It's 12:30. Why do you have to go? I don't mind taking you home in the morning?"
Charlie is trying to be nice, I get that, but I do not sleep with anyone. I need to get out of here. I broke a huge rule last night. How could I have fallen asleep, what is wrong with me? I stand up and cover myself with my hands as much as I can. The lights are still on so I can see but I can't find my dress. Finally I see it peaking out from under the bed and I reach down to grab it. I slip it on, but I can't find my underwear. Oh my god. Charlie took off my underwear in the kitchen. I broke two rules in one night? No this is not happening.
"No, I'm sorry, but can you please take me home now. If not, I'm sure I can call a cab. How do I get back to the kitchen, the rest of my clothes and my purse are there." I can tell that I'm frantic, but that dream really freaked me out. Then I wake up in bed with Charlie. This man is not good for me.
"OK I'll take you home. Let me grab some clothes and we will go. The kitchen is down the hall to the left. I'll be ready to go in five minutes." He looks confused and a little hurt, but I can't care about that now. I turn to leave the room and hear Charlie get out of bed. I find my way to the kitchen, retrieve my underwear, and then I sit on one of the bar stools. I am too hot, and I can't get my thoughts straight. Charlie is not good for me. I know that for sure now. I can never see him again. The thought breaks my heart and I can feel the pain in my chest. I have known this man for two days. Why is he affecting me so? Why did I let him undress me? How could I have fallen asleep? He makes me feel safe, but I know that feeling is a trick. Men always make you feel safe, and then they turn on you. They hurt you, always in more ways than one, and always worse than the last time. I shiver at the thought, remembering my nightmare. A sound breaks me from my thoughts. My phone. I grab my purse off the counter and pull it out. I have 15 missed calls and 30 texts from Cayla and Katherine. I need to go through these fast because my battery is low.
So did you guys make it? -Cayla
OK are you there yet? We haven't heard. -Cayla
Jocelyn we need to know where you are. Please text us back. -Katherine
The texts go on and on like that and I sigh a little. I should have texted them when we pulled up to the house, but I got distracted. Then when I read the last text I start to panic again.
Jocelyn we are calling the police. You've been gone for hours, and we have no idea where you are. Please be ok. -Cayla
"Oh crap." I feel the blood drain from my face. This is the last thing I need. Police reports are public. Anyone can find them. This text came in only an hour ago, maybe there is time. I cannot let them do this. I try to call Cayla but my phone shuts off suddenly. Oh no. I stand up and run back toward the bedroom and, again, I smack directly into Charlie. He catches me in the same way as yesterday morning, wrapping his arms around my waist. This time however, he does not hold onto me. He sets me back up on my feet and then drops his hands back to his side.
"Whoa what is going on? Why are you running?" He looks confused, but also slightly angry. I ignore the anger part because I need him to take me home immediately.
"We have to go, now. I forgot to text Cayla when we got here and they're going to call the police if you don't take me home now." His face pales and he takes a small step back.
"Why would they call the police? That's a little bit overboard don't you think?" I can tell he is annoyed, and I am too, but I'm more frightened.
"Listen Charlie I know that this is annoying, and will be a pain in the ass, but we cannot let them file a report. Those reports are public, and if they put my name in it." I can't even finish the sentence. I cannot let Chuck find me.
"Please, we just have to go." Charlie's expression changes from annoyed to concerned.
"OK lets get you home, but why does it matter if the reports are public?"
"I'm just afraid that someone could find them is all, please let's go." We rush to the front door, and Grizzly is laying on the porch. I had totally forgotten about him, but he pops up when Charlie opens the door and runs into the house totally ignoring both of us.
"You just leave him out at night?" For a moment I forget about the present situation, angry about Grizzly having to sleep outside.
"No, I usually let him roam around outside for an hour or so, and then he comes in at night. But last night we got a bit distracted remember. When he's ready to come in, he just lays on the porch." He unlocks the car and we both climb in. Charlie pulls out of the driveway, and starts down the dirt road that leads to the street.
"Can I use your phone. That text only came in an hour ago, so maybe they haven't called anyone yet." Charlie pats his pockets and his face drops.
"I must have left it in my pants pocket in the kitchen. I didn't think to grab it."
"OK how far are we from my house. We have to hurry." Without being able to call Cayla, she will have no way to know I'm ok. She will call the police, and I will have to answer questions, as will Charlie, and they will all be on record.
"About 20 minutes, but Jocelyn, who is going to find you in a police report. The relationship you told me about, is that guy looking for you?" I've never told anyone about Chuck. I don't want to tell Charlie about him now, but he does have a right to know something. If Chuck does read that report, and does come to town, he would try to find the man I was with, and that man is Charlie.
"Yes, he is looking for me." That's all I can say before a lump forms in my throat. I haven't told this story in three years. The only person I've ever told was my mother, three years ago when I showed up on their doorstep that night.
"I can understand that this is something difficult to talk about, but if this guy is really skulking around police reports looking for you, then I need to know what I'm actually up against."
"You don't have to worry about anything. If they file that report, I'm going to move, and I'll be gone by the end of the week."
Charlie gasps, and looks at me completely horrified.
"Why would you move? I can protect you Jocelyn, from anything. I can keep you safe." 
"What? Charlie, we've known each other for two days. I am not your girlfriend, or your problem, and I never will be. I had fun last night, but this can't happen again. If they file that report, I'll have no other choice but to go; and you'll have no choice but to forget about me."
Charlie looks like he wants to say something but decides against it. The rest of the car ride is silent. I watch out the window as the quiet city comes into view. I don't hear any sirens or see any indication of police cars when we reach the outskirts of my neighborhood, and I start to have a small glimmer of hope. Maybe I won't have to go. Maybe Cayla decided against calling the cops. Or maybe all of that is just a fantasy. That hope is ripped from me as we turn the corner onto my street. There are three police cars parked in front of my home. A single tear slips down my face and I can feel the tension coming off of Charlie beside me. I did this to myself. I broke my rules, and it has caused all of this drama. As we pull across the street from my house I sigh before stepping out of the car.
"Charlie maybe you shouldn't come in. I don't want your name in this just in case they do have to write an official report."
"No Jocelyn, I'm coming in. Nothing happened, and maybe I can convince them not to put any of this on the record. I'm not letting you go through this alone."
I'm really annoyed, but also flattered that he wants to try and help make this go away. If he would just leave, I could probably just sleep with one of the cops to get them to forget about it, but now I have to think of another plan. We walk across the street and into the front door. Cayla bursts through the door from the living room and screams as she wraps me in her arms.
"Oh my god Jocelyn where have you been? You never stay out all night, and you went off with that weird guy, and didn't tell us where you were. We've been so worried."
"Wow, now I'm 'that weird guy' huh?" Wow, Charlie, this is not the time for joking. One cop is still in taking a statement from Katherine, I can only imagine what that is going to say, but two more walk into the hall and ask to speak to both of us separately. I am completely freaked out, but I agree and me and the female officer walk into the kitchen.
"My name is Theresa. First I need to know that you are OK."
"Yes, officer, I'm fine. This is all a misunderstanding. I went on a date. We fell asleep, and I forgot to text my roommates. It's not worth you guys writing up a report." I'm trying my best to remain calm, but the thought of anything getting out into public record about where I live is really making it hard to not sound like an insane person.
"Well, your roommates seem to think that this is a big deal. They said this man, who you just met yesterday, showed up at the house today, and insisted on you going out with him. Is that correct?" Is that correct? I don't think he insisted, but he was persistent.
"No officer. I mean yes, we just met yesterday, but it's not the way it seems. He asked a mutual friend where I lived, and was trying to be romantic by coming by and surprising me with dinner."
"And if you just met yesterday how do you have mutual friends already? Do you want this man to know where you live?"
"Yes, it's fine." I really need this to be over.
"So there was no foul play, and when you asked to come home he agreed. No hesitation, no coercion ?" I understand this woman is trying to do her job, but how many times can she ask and I answer the same question.
"No ma'am. We had dinner, and then fell asleep. When I woke up and asked to be brought home, he got dressed and brought me straight home. No harm done. Now I have to work in the morning, are we about done?"
Theresa looks at me like she thinks I'm hiding something, which I am, but that's beside the point. She finishes her notes,and then sighs.
"OK if you say so. We will file the official report and as long as his story matches yours, you won't hear from us again. Have a good night."
Oh no. She can't file that report.
"Is it really necessary to file a report? It was all a misunderstanding. There's been no crimes or anything like that. Can't we just keep this off the record?"
"Is there some reason you don't want a report filed? Do you have a warrant or something that you don't want us to find?" A warrant? She thinks I'm the one who belongs behind bars?
"No ma'am, I just don't see the need for anything official I guess." I'm trying to play it cool, but my heart is beating a mile a minute.
"Well unfortunately, we have to file a report on any call of this nature. Like I said as long as his story matches yours, then you won't hear from us again." My face goes pale, and I am suddenly dizzy. I may not hear from her again, but I'll be hearing from someone else. Someone much worse. She leaves me standing in the kitchen alone and I lean back onto the counter for support. Only a moment passes before Charlie is by my side.
"Jocelyn I'm sorry. He said they have to file a report. I couldn't convince him to drop it." I look up at him, and he looks so helpless. I wish things could have gone differently. Charlie and I could have become great friends, but now it's all over.
"I need to get some sleep. Suddenly I'm not feeling so well." I take a step, but I am so dizzy that I immediately stumble. Charlie catches me before I can fall all the way and he wraps me into his arms. I wrap my arms around him as well, and I cry. For the first time in years, I really cry.
"Baby let me stay with you here tonight. I don't think you should be alone." Charlie strokes my hair, and kisses the top of my head. I can't let him stay. I have to get some sleep and go to work, and then figure out how to find a new job and a new apartment. I have to much to do. Besides, a man hasn't slept in my bed since Chuck.
"No Charlie, I need to be alone. I have to start figuring out what my next step is. I'm sorry but I can't see you again." I pull away from him and he hesitates before he lets me go. He looks like he might cry as well. Two days. We've known each other two days, but this is really hard. I truly think we could have been real friends. Cayla and Katherine both walk into the kitchen, and they look slightly embarrassed, but also relieved.
"Jocelyn, I'm sorry I called them, but I was so scared for you. You told me you were nervous, and then you didn't text me back, and it's been hours. I'm so sorry." Cayla starts to cry and Katherine hugs her. I let out a long sigh. I really am going to miss this place, and my friends.
"It's OK Cayla. I should have texted you as soon as we got there, but we got distracted. But I need to tell you guys something. They're going to file an official report, and that means that I have to leave. I can't stay here anymore."
The look of shock on their faces makes me want to explain further, but I can't bring myself to do it.
"What? Why wouldn't you be able to stay here just because of a police report? They're not arresting you, or Charlie. It was all a misunderstanding?" Katherine says.
"Yeah, you don't have to leave. Please Jocelyn don't go." Cayla says through her tears. I know she meant well, but I can't help but be a little angry at her. If she just would have waited a little longer, none of this would be happening, and I wouldn't have to go.
"I'm sorry you guys, but I have to go. It's a long, complicated story. I'll be gone by the end of the week. Just promise me that if any strange men come to the house, or approach you at all, you won't tell him you know me. If anyone asks you about me, you have to swear to me that you will never tell anyone I was here." They look so concerned, and absolutely frightened. I wish I could tell them more, but it's dangerous for them. Charlie surprises me with what he says next.
"Jocelyn, please don't go. You don't have to leave. I can protect you. Please, just don't leave." He grabs my hand and that safe feeling starts to creep back into my heart. I don't want to leave. I want to stay here, in this apartment, at my job, with my friends. Maybe I can just take a few days to think about it. It has been three years, maybe Chuck isn't looking for me anymore.
"OK Charlie. But only for a little while. I'll at least give it until the end of the week, and if nothing bad happens, then I will consider staying." Cayla and Katherine both run to me, and hug me close. I wrap my arms around both of these girls that I have grown to love so much.
"Girls, I really need to get some rest. It has been such a stressful day. Do you care if we talk tomorrow?" I know they want to know more, but I can't deal with it tonight. I suddenly feel so tired, my energy is completely drained. Cayla and Katherine both give me one more hug and then they walk out of the kitchen, probably to go to bed themselves. I turn to look at the clock on the stove. It is almost 2:00 in the morning. I have to get up for work in four hours. Charlie is still holding my hand.
"Charlie, I really do need to get some rest. But I promise, I can text you tomorrow." Charlie reaches for my other hand, raises them both to his lips and kisses my knuckles.
"Jocelyn, please let me stay with you. I don't feel right leaving you here alone after all that has happened. Please don't send me away." I do feel safe when Charlie is around. Maybe one night wouldn't be so bad.
"I don't know, what about Grizzly. Doesn't he need you?"
"He has the whole house to himself, food and water, and a dog door to the fenced in backyard. He will be fine for a couple hours while I stay here with you, I promise." I think about this for a minute. Charlie drops one of my hands, and puts his free palm against my cheek once again. I am becoming quite fond of this small gesture; no one has ever done anything like this before. I lean into his hand and he kisses my forehead. I decide right then, that I want him to stay. It is against my better judgement, but it's only for a few hours, and I don't want to be alone.
"OK Charlie. You can stay, but only for tonight." His beautiful smile lights up his face and he pulls me into a hug. Two days with this man, and already I don't know if I could even contemplate not seeing him again. I lean further into his arms, and nuzzle against his chest. I'm feeling something, but I can't quite put my finger on it.Maybe this is how people feel when they're safe, with someone who cares about them.
"We should go upstairs, I have to go to work in a few hours." I step out of Charlie's embrace, and take his hand to lead him upstairs. My whole hand could fit inside his fist, but when we interlock our fingers, they fit perfectly. It's almost as though he was meant to hold my hand. The silly thought makes me smile a little; even if people have soulmates, I don't. Charlie is just going to be my friend. We walk into my room and I flip on the light. I forgot to make my bed this morning, so there's pillows and sheets strewn about it. The three manuscripts that I went through earlier today are all still on my desk, along with my empty coffee cup. I just don't have the energy to care.
"I'm sorry it's such a mess, I didn't really have a chance to clean up today."
"Jocelyn, I truly could not care less. I just want to be here with you. Now where are your pajamas, that dress cannot be comfortable."
"They're in the bathroom. I need a shower anyway." Charlie smirks, but the expression goes as quickly as it appeared.
"What?"
"Nothing, I just thought about you showering, and how fun it would be to be in there with you." I cannot have him in the shower with me. I need to get some sleep, and he will just distract me.
"Charlie, I don't know if that's a good idea. Sex is the last thing on my mind right now."
"We don't have to have sex Jocelyn. I just want to be close to you. I don't want you to be alone for one second. Besides I need a shower too." I'm to tired to argue.
"OK let's go." I lead Charlie into my bathroom, and I start to undress. I am freezing as I reach down to turn the hot water on. Once I have the temperature I want, I stand and stretch. Charlie steps behind me and wraps his arms around my waist and rests his head on top of mine. He must have gotten undressed when I turned around because he is naked as well. He is warm against me skin on skin and I breath a sigh of contentment. I pull away and step into the water; Charlie steps in behind me and closes the door.
"I didn't realize how tight this would be." I turn around and look at him. He is standing with his arms in font of him and slightly hunched over. I guess an oversized man would need an oversized shower. I can't help but giggle, and the more I look at him the harder I laugh.
"Yeah yeah laugh it up. Turn around so I can wash your hair." I continue giggling as I grab the shampoo out of the rack and hand it too him. He starts to lather my hair and it feels so good. I start to relax the rest of the way. Once he finishes I rinse my hair out.
"Well I would wash your hair, but I'm not sure I can reach the top of your head." He rolls his eyes, but squats down so I can reach his hair to wash it. When I'm finished he leans over me into the water and rinses off. I grab the loofa and soap.
"Uh I only have lavender scented I hope you don't mind." I smile sheepishly at him, and he shrugs. He takes the loofa from me and starts to wash my shoulders. I am enjoying having his hands on me in this way. It's not sexual, but it is intimate; I've never done anything like this before. Once he is done washing me I take the sponge and soap him up. We finish our shower, and I shut the water off. He steps out first and grabs a towel wrapping it around his waist. He grabs a second one from the shelf and wraps my shoulders and rubs my arms, drying my skin.
"You know, I've never done this before. Showered with someone like this I mean." I say staring up at him.
"Actually, I haven't either. I don't normally spend the night with women so there's never been time for something like this." Charlie says as he's finishing drying me off. I realize that we have one of the same rules, and his falling asleep with me earlier was out of his norm as well. He kisses my nose then hands me the towel so I can dry my hair. I get dressed into my pajamas, and Charlie slips back into his boxers. I grab the brush off the counter, but he takes it and starts brushing my long, wet hair. This is so strange, but it also feels so natural. He runs the brush through his own hair as well and then sets it back down and takes my hand. We leave the bathroom and walk back into my bedroom.
"Get into bed and get comfortable, I can turn the lights off. I'm going downstairs first to make sure the door is locked." Charlie heads for the door and I climb into bed. He is actually concerned about me. I feel so safe with him here right now. I rearrange the pillows and finally get to lay my head down. I pull the blankets all the way up. I am almost asleep when Charlie comes back into the room. He turns the light off and crawls into bed behind me, pulling me to his chest.
"I'm not going to let anything happen to you baby." He whispers as he kisses my hair, and I smile, cuddling closer to him. I may be breaking my rule, but I am truly happy Charlie is here. With his strong arms holding me tight, I start to fall asleep. I say a silent prayer that tonight is a dreamless night, and then sleep takes over.

Hey everyone! A lot happened in this chapter. More and more is being revealed about Jocelyn's past. I know that I'm excited to see what happens next. If you're enjoying the story, please leave a comment and let me know. I would love to hear from you all!