Finding the Light

The Third Day

Charlie's POV

Jocelyn is still asleep in my arms. She's snoring slightly, and her hair is a mess around her face. Her alarm is set to go off in thirty minutes. I squeeze her slightly closer to me and she lets out a sigh and a small smile comes across her face. I know I shouldn't be here, but it's my fault that she's in this situation. I should have taken her home right after dinner. I feel like I'm being pulled toward her, and that's bothering me. I've known her for three days and here I am, in her bed, wrapped up in some weird ex-boyfriend drama. The thought of someone hurting her sends sudden shivers down my spine and I find myself wrapping my arms tighter around her. I don't want to get further involved with this girl, but I also don't want her to get hurt or be afraid of someone. This is beyond frustrating. I don't sleep in bed with anyone and here I am breaking that rule. The day we met comes back to my mind and I can't help but smile at how she looked at me. This tiny girl running straight into me has changed something in me; I'm not sure what yet, but I need to figure it out. Maybe I should take a few days away from her and gather my thoughts. Surely nothing will happen in the next couple of days. Suddenly her alarm rings and she jumps up just like she did last night in my bed. She's breathing heavy and looks around as if she's making sure she knows where she is. When her gaze lands on me she looks confused but it only takes her a second to remember.
"Oh, Charlie. I forgot you had stayed last night."
"It's ok. Did you sleep alright?" She looks dead tired. Completely beautiful; but tired.
"I slept fine. Actually I slept pretty great." She looks so surprised by this for some reason and she climbs out of bed and goes for her bedroom door.
"I'm going to make some coffee. Do you want some?" She grabs the handle, but the door is locked. She turns slowly and looks at me, her eyes wide and pure terror is clear on her face.
"Charlie you locked this door last night?" She looks like she might cry.
"Yeah, I locked the front door and then I came up here and locked this one. Is something wrong?" I slowly get out of bed and she backs away from me. The realization hits me and I stop dead in my tracks. She's afraid, of me.
"Jocelyn I'm sorry. I didn't know it would upset you. I just wanted you to feel safe."
"It's fine. I just don't like being locked in rooms with anyone. I, uh, I think you should go. Thank you for staying and trying to make me feel better, but I need you to go. I'm going to be late catching the bus for work." The bus?
"You take the bus to work? Please let me take you. It's the least I can do, I'll wait downstairs in the living room until you are ready to leave and I'll drop you off. It will make me feel better to know you're at work rather than hoping the bus drops you off. Please." She thinks about this for a moment and then she unlocks the door.
"Ok. Wait downstairs and I'll get dressed. I'll be down in 20 minutes."
"Ok." I walk past her out of the room and down the stairs. Why was she so upset about the locked door? I thought it would make her feel safer. I grab my shoes and throw them on to go out and start the car up. It's June, but the air is still cool in the mornings and I don't want her to be cold. The street is just starting to wake up. People getting up and ready for their Monday morning commute. I have no idea where Jocelyn works, but I can't imagine her taking a bus there? Why doesn't she have a car? Does she know how to drive? There are some strange things going on with this girl; maybe I shouldn't see her again. I make my way back into the house just as she's coming down the stairs. She's dressed in simple black pants and a deep purple top. Her hair is pulled partly to the back showing her beautiful face. She is just breathtaking. She is honestly the most beautiful girl I have ever seen.
"The car is warming up. Do you want me to make you some coffee? I'm sure I can find my way around the kitchen."
"I'll make the coffee, but thank you. Are you sure you're ok taking me to work. I honestly don't mind taking the bus. I do it everyday."
"Why do you take the bus?" My idiot curiosity. That is none of my business, but the words are out now.
"I don't have a car. So I take the bus." She doesn't want to talk about this so I back off. She doesn't have to tell me anything, we don't need to go into any details about our decisions and pasts because she isn't my girlfriend. She turns on the sink and starts filling up the coffee pot. My thoughts drift back to how scared she was this morning about being locked in the bedroom. I don't think I'm going to like the answer but I ask anyway.
"Jocelyn, why were you so scared when you realized I had locked the bedroom door?" She freezes a moment and I can see her shoulders visibly tighten. Whatever this is, it's bad enough to shake her to her very core. I take a step forward to touch her, but I think better of it and stay where I am. She finishes filling the coffee maker with water and turns it on before she answers. When she turns to face me, there are tears in her eyes and her face is pale.
"After things got really bad, after the first year or so, Chuck would lock me in the bedroom at night; so I couldn't escape. All the windows were locked too, and he would put a pad lock on the door and sleep with the key on a necklace. I couldn't get out; and sometimes that meant I got hurt worse than other nights. So from then on, I don't stay in bed with anyone; I don't let people sleep in my bed and I don't sleep in theirs. I don't want to take the chance of getting locked in again." She shrugs her shoulders slightly as she finishes telling me this story. Hurt worse that's other nights? This girl has been through far more than I could have imagined. I feel that I have become quite tense in the minute it took her to recount her story for me. I take a second to relax my shoulders and release the fists my hands have made.
"Jocelyn, is this man still looking for you? Do I need to be worried that he's going to come after you?" I can't really understand why, but I want to protect her. Maybe it's just common courtesy, maybe I just feel like she's a damsel in distress or something, but I don't want to see her hurt, or afraid of someone.
"I don't know if he's still actively looking for me. It's been years since he found me. But yes, there is cause for concern that he will come after me if he finds out where I am. That's why I was so worried about the police filing an official report, and that's why I don't have a car. Charlie you do not have to worry about this. I am not your problem. As far as I'm concerned after today you never have to see me again, and if I'm being a completely honest, that is probably in your best interest because Chuck is dangerous." She wraps her arms around herself and seems to shrink into the counter. She's concerned for me? She's the one who has a crazy man searching the world for her and watching police reports and tracing license plates, and she's worried about me being in danger? I suddenly feel a very sharp pain in my chest and I realize it's because I'm hurting for her; this woman standing in front of me has gone through more than I can even imagine, and she's worried about it coming back to hurt me.
"Baby please don't worry about me, I can take care of myself. I don't want to walk out of your life. Maybe I didn't think our "relationship" through all the way. I was just thinking of my own selfish physical need to be near you honestly, but after everything that's happened over the last 48 hours, I cannot walk away from you. I'm not saying I want to, like, be anything, but I don't want to leave you at a time like this. Please don't push me away." I'm pleading with her at this point. I know she wants me gone and for her life to be just that less complicated, but I can't do it. I can't walk away from her. I know it's selfish of me to want to be close to her, when it's just scaring her more, but maybe in a few weeks, or even a few days, she will realize that my presence is actually making her feel better. She just shakes her head slightly and turns to pour two cups of coffee.
"Do you want milk or sugar in yours?" She says flatly as she reaches into the fridge for creamer.
"No I'm fine with black thank you." She pours the coffee and I hear noise upstairs. Her roommates have woken up and are starting to head downstairs. She hurries and grabs her bag and pulls me out the front door. Why doesn't she want to talk to them? We walk across the street and I open the car door for her and she slides in. She's looking at her phone when I get in beside her. I wait for a moment, but she doesn't say anything.
"Um Jocelyn? I don't know where you work. I need you to give me some form of direction." She looks confused for a second as she looks up from her phone.
"Oh right, I forgot I'm sorry. I work downtown, just take 77 north and get off at exit 89." She turns back to her phone typing some reply to something and I pull out onto the street headed for the highway. The first few minutes of our trip I am silent while she does some work on her phone. The silence is deafening though and I just can't take it anymore.
"So what do you have planned today? Any big important meetings with famous authors, Dr. Suess maybe?" My attempt at a joke is sad, but she gives a polite chuckle to save my ego.
"Well no, no big famous authors, but I do have a meeting with a promising new one. I read most of his manuscript yesterday morning and it was delightful. I can't wait to meet him and see what he has in store for the ending." She is so full of joy talking about this and it makes me smile.
"You read half a book in one morning? It must have been some book. What was it about?" I don't usually care about books and reading, I'm more a visual guy, but hearing her talk and get so excited has me wanting to hear more.
"It's a love story, I'm usually skeptical about them, but there's something with an old-timey essence about the way he tells it. It reminds me of the classic love novels, and honestly stereotypical love stories you hear from our grandparents. It just made my heart warm. So I'm just excited to see where he goes next."
"Well I'm excited for you, I hope the meeting goes well." We pull off the exit and she instructs me down two streets and finally we pull up in front of a large glass building. She moves to get out of the car, but I grab her wrist. She tenses and I loosen my grip.
"I'm sorry, I just wasn't ready for you to go yet. Um, do you have any lunch plans? Maybe I can bring you something?" I have never done this before, but I don't want to say goodbye to her and I want to see her again. As soon as possible.
"I do have lunch plans today actually. I'm sorry, maybe another time this week?" I feel the disappointment growing in my chest.
"Well how about I drive you home from work. It has to be better than riding that bus right?" I know I sound desperate, but I kind of am. I want to, no I actually have a need, to be with her. This is slightly disturbing me, but I chalk it up to just feeling responsible for her safety. There is a crazy guy looking for her after all. Her brow furrows and she seems to be in deep thought for a moment, but she gives me a small smile.
"Ok. I get off at four, so if you could just meet me right here? I really appreciate the ride to work Charlie. I hope you have a good day, are you headed to work too?"
"Well I'm just headed home. I have a few blue prints to go over and some emails to return, but yeah I'm kind of headed to work." I squeeze her hand as she goes to move out of the car. I want to kiss her goodbye so badly, but I don't know if she would be ok with that. She shuts the door and walks into the building, looking both ways before she goes in. I wonder if it's Him she's looking for, and the thought sends a rage through me. How could anyone hurt this innocent, beautiful, sweet girl. It infuriates me and for a moment all I can think of is hurting him too. I don't even know what he looks like, but I imagine punching him all the same. To me he is just a faceless man, but he is someone, and I bet I can find out who. I drive silently through downtown and get back on the highway to head home, feeling anxious, and also guilty, about what I plan to do.
When I make it home, Grizzly is jumping all over me, excited to finally have me home. I rarely stay out all night, so he was probably confused as to where I was. I let him out the backdoor and I walk through the fenced in yard with him. My thoughts drift back to Jocelyn, and the things that have happened to her. If this man is as bad as she says he is, then something about it has to be in the papers. There has to be some record of something he did to her that I can find. I leave Grizzly to run around outside while I head in to my computer. I turn it on and open up google. I type Jocelyn into the search bar, and then I realize I don't even know her last name, her birthday, or even what her hometown is.
"Well this makes things a whole lot harder." I sigh at myself and start thinking of ways I can search for her. I type in "domestic abuse Jocelyn" and about two million hits pop up. Ok not helpful. I try to narrow it down a little and type "domestic abuse Jocelyn Ohio" this only brings up about 1200 hits, and that I can kind of manage. Most links are for the city of Jocelyn, which I didn't even know existed, but on the third page I find something. It's a news article about a girl found outside a hospital who is in critical care. I click on the link and the article pops up. It's from a town only a few hours from here. She was identified only as Jocelyn. I scroll down, and there it is; it's what I've been searching for. It's a picture of her lying in a hospital bed, tubes coming out of her mouth and she just looks lifeless. The article says they are looking for someone to claim her and identify her. The two young boys who brought her to the hospital had found her lying in an alley and saw a man running from the scene. They said the only thing they could get out of her was her name and then she passed out. They drove her to the hospital, but left right after telling the nurse what they knew. They were probably afraid they would get blamed. The end of the article has an update to it, saying that her family is with her, she is recovering well, and that no more information will be released as to protect her identity and keep her safe. I scroll back up to that picture and just stare at her lifeless body. This man, this Chuck, did this to her. This is why she's so scared. Tears start streaming down my face before I realize what is happening. I can't believe it, I won't believe it. How could someone do this to her. I know now that this isn't just some form of responsibility that I feel, I have an actual need to keep her safe. I have a growing need to be near her, but I know she doesn't want that, and that makes my tears come faster. I let them fall freely as I vow to myself to never let anyone or anything hurt her again.
I take a cold shower and lie down in bed. Grizzly curls up next to me and is fast asleep. I think of Jocelyn, the beautiful girl I dropped off at work not even two hours ago, and how much I want to see her safe. The girl in that photo couldn't have been my Jocelyn. I don't know what this all means or what I'm going to do, but I do know that I'm not walking away. This doesn't change my stance on relationships, I'm not planning to marry her, but I can still be in her life as a friend who just has her best interest at heart. If she won't have me as anything else, even if I never get to touch her or hold her while she sleeps again, I will still be there to protect her.