Finding the Light

Realizations

Charlie's POV
Kathryn is crying in front of us.
"Why can't she leave with Charlie, Jake?" Kathryn has her eyes fixed on Jocelyn. This isn't going to end well, and there's nothing I can do. Jake looks back down at my girl, and sighs.
"Because I love her." Kathryn breaks down, and Jocelyn rushes to her. She sobs into Jocelyn's shoulder.
"Kat, I'm so sorry, I never wanted any of this to happen. It wasn't supposed to end this way." Jake moves to touch the weeping girl, but she shoves both him and Jocelyn away.
"How could you do this to me. I knew there was someone else, but I never imagined that it was my best friend." Cayla is now behind Kathryn holding her hand. Jocelyn wraps her arms around herself again, trying to hold herself together. Jake goes to her and puts his arms around her while she cries silently. Watching him touch her makes me see red. Before I know what I'm doing, I grab Jocelyn, and pull her away from him and then my fist connects with his jaw. He stumbles back but catches himself before he falls to the floor.
"What the hell dude!" He straightens himself out and lunges back at me. He isn't nearly as big as me, but the impact of him jumping on me makes me stumble back. I shove him off me and he falls to the ground. I kneel down over him and grab him by the shirt.
"Are you finished now?" He answers my question by swinging his fist at my face. The hit knocks me back and I lose my grip on him. We stand back up at the same time, and rush at one another. Before I can hit him again, Jocelyn is between us. She has one hand on my chest and the other on his. I immediately put my fists down.
"That is enough! You two are acting like children." She looks so angry, but I know she is hurt. She stares up at me and silently begs me to stop. I don't want her to suffer anymore today so I concede.
"I'm sorry baby." I take her hand off my chest and kiss her knuckles. When Jake sees this he lunges forward again, making Jocelyn lose her balance. I quickly pick her up and move her out of his way. I grab him by the throat and toss him to the side like a rag doll. How dare he shove her like that. He stands back up but doesn't approach me again.
"If you ever touch her like that again, it will be the last thing you do." I grab ahold of Jocelyn's hand and pull her to my side. She wraps her arms around my waist and I can feel her shaking. I look down at her but she is looking at him, terrified.
"Jake why would you do this." Tears are silently slipping down her cheeks. I turn to her and wipe them away. She leans into my hands and sighs. She has cried to much today already, and I don't want her wasting anymore tears on this guy.
"It's going to be ok baby, I promise." I kiss her forehead and she lets out a small whimper. The idiot across the room has the nerve to scoff at us.
"Do you have a problem?" I look at him, daring him to do something else.
"I do actually. If anyone should be comforting her it's me." He steps forward but Jocelyn steps back, hiding herself behind me. He stops when he sees her shrink away, and he frowns. I can't help but smile a little. He thought she would just run to him, but here she is, clinging to me for dear life.
"I think she is just fine right here with me." I smile as I wrap my arms back around her. The rage on his face is evident. The other guy in the room, who I had forgotten was even there, stands and walks over to Jake.
"Dude you need to chill. That guy is huge, you are not winning this fight. Besides maybe you should talk to Kat." I look over and Kathryn is standing in Cayla's arms shaking. She just heard her idiot boyfriend say he was in love with my girl, and then had to watch us fight over her. She can't be doing very good. Jocelyn moves to walk toward her but Cayla puts her hands up.
"Jocelyn, I don't think now is a good time. I'm going to take Kat upstairs, and when I come back maybe you guys should be gone. We will figure this out later." Her face drops as her friends leave the room. She sits in one of the chairs and covers her face with her hands.
"Jake why did you do this, you've ruined everything." I can't stand seeing her this way. I want to help her but I have no idea what to do for her. All I can do is kneel down in front of her and rub her back trying to calm her tears.
"Jocelyn I'm sorry. It wasn't supposed to end this way,." Jake takes a step forward, but he doesn't try to touch her. She looks up at him, her eyes red and puffy.
"Why did it have to end in the first place. Why would you even approach me? You knew she was suspicious, you should have known that confronting me and Charlie would just confirm everything she was afraid of." She is really angry with him. Jake finally has the decency to look ashamed of what he's done.
"I'm sorry. When I got here, I heard the two of you upstairs. I heard you calling his name, and I was so angry. Cayla told me you were up there with him, and it just made me sick to my stomach. Then when I saw him come down carrying your bags, I just lost it. I knew you were seeing him, but being here and knowing he had his hands on you, I just couldn't take it." I stand up straight and look right at him.
"If you really cared about her, you would leave her alone. She was up there with me because I was taking care of her. You have a girlfriend, so why are you trying to move in on mine." Jocelyn's head snaps up when I call her my girlfriend. That's something we will have to talk about later, but right now I'm not going to change my wording and I'm praying she won't contradict me.
"Look, I've been around a lot longer than you. Yes, I'm with Kathryn, but I love Jocelyn. I have for years. We were trying to make things work between us, but you had to ruin it." He is seething mad again, but I'm only interested in one part of what he said.
"Jocelyn, what does he mean you were trying to make things work?" It's obvious they had a past, but was she trying to actively have a relationship with him now? She rolls her eyes, and looks from me to him.
"Jake, we aren't trying to make things work. You wanted to spend more time together, and I agreed, but I told you not to get your hopes up. You knew I was seeing Charlie, and you also told me that you were planning a future with Kat. If you wanted to break up with her, that's something you should have discussed with me privately." She's seeing both of us? I can't be angry because it's not like we are exclusive, and I have been seeing other people as well, but I can still be jealous. And seeing the way he's looking at her, and hearing him say he loves her is making me extremely jealous.
"You told me you weren't going to continue seeing him though. I thought that meant you wanted to give us a real shot." Ok wait, she was going to stop seeing me?
"Jocelyn, what is he talking about? You were going to break up with me?" She looks at me, and stands up in front of me. The look on her face is tearing me apart.
"Yes Charlie. I was going to break up with you. I didn't think I was any good for you, so I was going to end things. But that was before you came to see me Monday. Everything changed that day, and I realized that your friendship is the only thing keeping me whole anymore." Monday was a turning point for us. It was our first stress free night together. Thinking about it now, and thinking of holding her in my arms, and waking up next to her makes all my anger melt away. I pull her to my chest and hold her close. She wraps her arms around me and snuggles her face into my shoulder. Jake is watching us, and I can see the pain on his face. I kind of feel bad for him, he obviously cares for her, but she is proving now that she doesn't want him.
"Jake, I'm sorry I hit you. But right now, I think I need to get Jocelyn home. She's had a long day, and she needs to rest." He looks at her, and I know he knows I'm right, but he's not giving up.
"Jocelyn, do you want to go home with him. You can come with me if you want. I will take care of you." I just roll my eyes, but I look down at the beautiful girl in my arms. I don't think it's a good idea for her to go with him, but the choice is ultimately hers. She looks up at me, and I smile at her.
"It's up to you baby." I put my hand on her cheek and she leans into my palm, breathing in the scent of my skin.
"Jake, I need to go with Charlie. This has all been to much, and I can't handle anymore stress right now. I need to figure out what to do next, and I can't do that anywhere else but with him." My heart explodes listening to her talk. This tiny innocent girl has become so important to me in the week I've known her. Jake's shoulders drop and he looks totally defeated. Now he's lost both women in his life, and he knows it's completely his own fault.
"Ok, if that's what you really want." The other guy walks over to him and pats him on the back. Jocelyn lets go of me and turns to him.
"Timmy, please make sure Kat is ok, and please ask them to call me. I want to give them their space because I know they're angry, but try to convince them to talk to me if you can." He looks angry with her, but he nods his head. She gives him a quick hug and then she turns to Jake, and just sighs.
"Where does this leave us Jocelyn? Are you done with me now?" He looks like he might cry, and while I think he is an idiot for doing what he did, I can't blame him. Jocelyn is a lot to lose.
"I don't know Jake. I need some time to try and think. I don't know how we can continue being friends after this. I've lost everyone now. You will be forgiven, but me, everyone will hate me forever." She's right. Kathryn will tell everyone about Jocelyn and Jake. His friends will move on from it pretty quick, they may even celebrate him for it, but hers will never let it go. I reach down and lace my fingers into hers. She squeezes my hand letting me know she appreciates the contact.
"Baby, I think it's time for us to go. You need to eat something, and get to bed." I just want her out of this house, and away from Jake. She turns to look at me and just nods her head.
"Ok, lets go." No one says anything else, and we head out the front door to the car. I open the door for her and she slides in buckling her seatbelt. I get in beside her and take her hand in mine again.
"Baby are you ok? Do you want to talk about it?" I know she doesn't, but I also want her to know she can if she needs too.
"Charlie I'm so sorry for all of this. I should have told you about Jake. Please don't hate me." She's crying again. I'm not sure how much more crying her tiny body can take today.
"Jocelyn, I'm not mad, and I don't hate you. I'm a little jealous yes, but that's just because I don't like the idea of him touching you. Neither one of us wanted to make things 'official' with our relationship, so I can't be mad that you had someone else. But I do want to know, how long has this been going on? He said he's been in love with you for years. When did this start?" She puts both her tiny hands into my fist and squeezes.
"Almost three years. It's complicated why it started, but I never had feelings for Jake in that way. He's always been my friend, but I used him. I didn't know until this week that he had real feelings about our relationship. He never expressed them to me before. I always figured that one day, he would marry Kat, and he and I would just stop. It would have been that simple for me, but apparently it was never that simple for him." She looks so ashamed, but she shouldn't be. She didn't force him to fall in love with her, but I can see why he did. She is easy to love. My stomach falls and my heart jumps to my throat. I'm in love with this girl. I shake my head and clear the thought away, I can't deal with that now, she needs me.
"Baby, none of this is your fault. It's his. Please don't blame yourself. Now let's get you fed. I know you're starving and then we can get some rest." I kiss her knuckles again and pull out onto the street. It doesn't even take five minutes before she's snoring in the seat beside me. I knew she was exhausted, she's been through so much today. My neck starts to get hot when my realization from earlier comes back to me. I love Jocelyn. But do I? I've never been in love before so I'm not really sure what this feeling is, but I do know that I care for her, more than I've ever cared about anyone or anything. Since the day I met her, she has been all I can think about. She's all I want, and everything I never knew I needed. I peek over at her, and she is curled up into herself. My hand is starting to cramp up, and I try to remove it from her grip, but she squeezes it tighter and pulls it to her chest. I sigh at myself, and I know that I can't lie anymore. I love her. I just don't know what to do about it.
I run through the first drive-thru I find and get us both burgers. She wakes up while I'm parking the car, and she stretches her back, never letting go of my hand the whole time.
"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to fall asleep."
"It's ok baby, I knew you were tired. Let's get inside so we can eat before the food gets cold." She grins at me, obviously excited to eat, and gets out of the car. Once we're inside she inhales her food, and I can tell she hasn't eaten all day. I really wish she paid more attention to that. She is always starving, and I think it's because she is constantly forgetting to eat. It's already 10:30, and I can feel myself getting tired. Jocelyn is sitting on the floor playing with Grizzly.
"Baby are you ready for bed?" As if on cue she yawns and stretches her arms above her head.
"Yeah I think bed is the perfect idea." I help her up off the floor, and hold her hand as we walk back to the bedroom. Grizzly usually sleeps with me, but I think tonight he will be ok out on the couch. I need some alone time with my girl. She opens her bag up and pulls out her pajamas. She starts to take her shirt off, but I walk over and put my hand over hers. I have to touch her. She looks up at me with a need in her eyes.
"Let me do this." She nods and lifts her arms up so I can take her shirt off. I unhook her bra and drop it to the floor. Next I unbutton her jeans and slide them down her legs, kicking them away. She is the sexiest woman I have ever seen. I reach my hand out and touch the side of her full breast. Her nipples are hard and I run my thumb over one, causing her to shiver. My hands are large, but her breasts fit perfectly within them. My eyes hungrily snake down her body. Her waist is small, but her hips are thick, giving her the most beautiful hour glass figure. I could just look at her all day. She reaches up to take my shirt off, and I bend over to make it easier for her. She runs her finger down the center of my chest, down my stomach and to my waistband. Her touch gives me goosebumps, and my cock twitches as she unbuttons my pants and pulls them down. We are both naked now, just starring at each other. I put my hand on her cheek, and she leans into it, closing her eyes. I'm not sure why I started doing this, I've never done it with anyone else, but she seems to enjoy it as much as I love doing it. My other hand reaches around her to cup her backside. I squeeze it lightly before reaching my arm under it, picking her up. She wraps her legs around my waist, and puts both arms around my neck to steady herself. I look into her light gray eyes, and my love for her only grows stronger. God, I want to tell her so badly, but I know it will ruin everything so I force myself to keep it in. She cocks her head to the side, and her brow furrows.
"Charlie what's wrong?" I know that if I open my mouth I will ruin this. So instead I just kiss her. I kiss her like I will never be able to do it again. She opens her mouth, giving me access to touch my tongue to hers, and I moan. Kissing her is better than anything I've ever experienced. She takes away all the bad I've ever known, and leaves only the bliss that is her perfect mouth. I lay her down on the bed and prop myself up so I don't crush her. I remove my mouth from hers, and she whispers my name as I start lightly biting at her neck. Her skin is so soft, softer than any silk I've ever touched. I want to kiss every inch of her, and I do just that. I suck the tip of each breast, causing her nipples to tighten even more and her hips to buck off the bed in response. I make my way down until I am on my knees in front of her. She opens her legs for me. I can see she is already wet, and I need to taste her. I bite the inside of her left thigh, and her breath catches. She leans up on her elbows so she can watch me. I can't help myself, and I bury my face inside her. She falls back onto the bed and nearly screams my name. I put my arms under her legs and pull her to the edge of the bed so I can have better access to her. She is the sweetest thing I have ever tasted, and I can't get enough. I show no mercy as I work my tongue against her sensitive and swollen bud. She grabs onto my hair, keeping me in place. I smile against her and slip a finger inside. She is so tight, and I know she is getting close, because her insides are squeezing my finger. I want to give her that release, so I slide my finger slowly in and out and suck hard on the swollen bundle of nerves. She lets out a cry of pure pleasure as her orgasm rips through her. I don't stop, and I lap up every last drop of it. She is shaking slightly, and I kiss the sensitive wet skin gently. I kiss her all over again, retracing the trail I took earlier, until I am back on top of her, looking into her beautiful face.
"Oh Charlie." She breaths as she pulls my mouth to hers. I know she can taste herself on me and it makes me even harder than I already am. I pick her up again and position her in the center of the bed. Before I can slide inside her she stops me.
"Wait, do you want to put on a condom?" We haven't used one, and I know she hasn't started her birth control yet. I should be worried, but I'm not. I kiss her nose.
"Do you want me to put one on? I don't want anything to stop me from feeling all of you there is, but if you want me too, I will." She touches my face and I turn my head to kiss her wrist.
"No, I want all of you Charlie." I sigh and put my face in her neck, as I bury myself inside her. She is so tight, but so open and ready for me. Nothing feels as good as she does, it's almost as though her body was made perfectly to fit against mine. She is pushing her hips up, meeting me thrust for thrust. I need more of her, and I start moving faster.
"You feel so good baby." I almost growl the words at her, and she moans into my shoulder. I pick up the pace, and she wraps her legs around my waist, allowing me to thrust deeper inside her. I know she is getting close because I can feel her tightening around me. I need her to finish, so I start pumping harder, and as deep as I can. I lean in close, and bite her ear.
"Let go baby." And she does. Her orgasm is strong, and it forces my own to come as well. She tightens her grip on me as I spill all I am into her. I push my face into her collarbone, and cry out her name. I have to force myself to not collapse on top of her, but I am completely spent. She is panting underneath me, and we are both glistening with sweat. I remove myself from her slowly and she winces.
"Are you ok?" I'm afraid I've hurt her. But she smiles at me.
"Yes, I'm ok. Great actually." I lay down beside her and open my arms for her to cuddle up. She gladly does, and we both just lie there, trying to catch our breath.
"I'm glad you decided to stay with me baby. I really do enjoy having you here." She just hugs me tighter in response. I know she is hurting from everything that happened today. I wish I knew how to make it better. I kiss the top of her head. We need to get cleaned up so she can get some sleep.
"How about we take a bath, and then we can turn on a movie and finally relax a little." She leans up on her elbow and kisses my cheek.
"I think that sounds incredible."
"Ok, I'll go start the bath water." I untangle myself from her, and walk into the bathroom to turn on the hot water. She walks in just as the tub finishes filling up. I step in and help her to sit down in front of me. I pull her tight to my chest and she leans back, sighing as she fully relaxes. I kiss her hair, and lay my cheek on the top of her head. Sitting here with her, I know there is nothing I wouldn't do to make her feel happy and safe. The only question is, if I tell her I love her, how long will it be before everything is ruined by it.