Finding the Light

Before it's too Late

Charlie's POV Friday afternoon
When Jocelyn left this morning it was like watching my entire world drive down the road. I know things have been so weird between us, but at least I got to spend some time with her when I was taking her to and from work. Lately whenever we're home she's shut up in the bedroom or I'm locked in my office. I'm not meaning to distance myself from her, but I don't know how to help her. I feel like somehow this Chuck situation is my fault, and guilt just takes over me when I see how sad she is all the time. Maybe I will go have lunch with her today, and see if I can get some of the old Jocelyn back. She seemed much more like her old self when she kissed me goodbye. I haven't kissed her like that in what feels like years, so when she didn't pull away, I almost exploded. I miss her touch so much. She lets me hold her when she's sleeping, that much I still get to do, but when she starts screaming I just can't take it. I used to be the only thing that kept her nightmares away, but it seems like now I only make them worse. I think her night terrors will always be a problem, especially once Chuck gets released. I don't think there will be any 'getting better' from that. I still can't believe that he got such a short sentence; what kind of justice is that for Jocelyn? I truly believe that if I had made her go to the arraignment that the judge would have been more harsh, he could have seen her bruises and how scared she was, and he would have never let Chuck take that deal. There's nothing I can do about it now though. I check my phone, it's 11:45, and there's nothing from Jocelyn yet, so I decide to get dressed and go surprise her with lunch. I hope she's as excited to see me as I am to see her. As I'm walking to the front door, there's a knock. I'm not expecting company and anyone who's here all the time just walks in. When I open the door, my mood instantly sours when I see the fake blonde standing in front of me.
"Gwen what are you doing here?" I can hear the annoyance in my voice so I hope she hears it too.
"You haven't called me in days Charlie, and you haven't been to see me in weeks. I came to check on you." She smiles the fakest smile I've ever seen, and there's so much makeup plastered on her face that it looks like she's wearing a mask.
"I don't need you to check on me. I have to go, I'm going to see Jocelyn for lunch." She frowns when I mention Jocelyn, and I know that me talking about her is painful for Gwen, but I just don't care.
"Why are you still with her Charlie? When you came to see me, you said she was too much to handle and that you were going to kick her out. I still can't believe you are letting her live here." She steps closer to me, and my first instinct is to step back, but I don't.
"I love her Gwen. She's living here because I intend to spend the rest of my life with her. I don't know how many times I have to tell you this." I'm starting to get mad now. I don't want to yell at her, but I also don't want her on my porch anymore. She puts her hand on my chest and pulls me to her. She's almost a foot taller than Jocelyn so I don't have to lean down as far to look her in the eyes, but that bothers me. I love how small Jocelyn is, it's adorable.
"Maybe you don't love her as much as you think. Otherwise you wouldn't have been at my house that day." She licks her lips and it takes all my strength not to throw up.
"That was a mistake and you know it." I pull her hand from my shirt and step back. I'm done with her, and whatever game she is playing.
"Well have you told your little friend about that mistake?" She smiles and I can feel my face get red. I told Jocelyn what she needed to know, and that was all.
"You need to leave Gwen." I cross my arms over my chest and stare down at her, but she doesn't budge.
"Maybe I'll stay, and when your little 'girlfriend' gets home I'll tell her the truth about that day. If she's out of the picture then I can have you all to myself right?" She walks past me and into the house. She knows that she's won, and I shake my head in defeat. I can't let Jocelyn find out what really happened, so I have to give Gwen what she wants or she will do all she can to ruin my life, and Jocelyn's. I follow behind Gwen into the living room where she plops down on the couch. I have no idea why Gwen had to be the one girl from my past to stick around. Of course she is the longest "relationship" I've ever had, considering that I hung around with her for about a year, but now that I have Jocelyn, I no longer have any interest in her at all. Only she doesn't see it that way, she sees this as some sort of game that she can win. My going to see her when I did was a mistake. She could have taken care of it on her own, but she wanted the support and I was the cause of the problem, so I guess I did need to be there. She crosses her long, thin legs and pats the spot on the couch beside her.
"Aren't you going to sit with me?" She smiles, as innocently as she can, but there's nothing but pure evil behind it.
"Gwen what do you want? What do I have to do to make you go away?" I stand in front of her and make no attempt to sit next to her like she wants.
"I want you Charlie. I thought that much was clear. I want that girl out of your life, and I want to win. You're all about the games, I know that from real world experience, so I know that this is just some long drawn out game, and I intend to come out on top. I can't win if she doesn't lose, so that means she has to go." She stands up and starts stripping her clothes off. She's tall and thin, and there's not any kind of shape to her. Jocelyn's body is perfect, tiny, curvy, and soft, but with Gwen I can see almost every bone, and it makes her look like she has sharp edges. By society's standards, she would be considered insanely attractive, but I've come to find that I like a certain type of woman. She's standing completely naked in front of me, and she saunters over, shaking her non existent hips.
"Gwen, I won't do it. Put your clothes back on." I am trying to look anywhere but at her, but she grabs my face and forces me to make eye contact.
"Charlie, you know that you can't resist me. Besides, if you really want to say no, believe me when I say, I will find a way to prove to that thing you let live here, that you've been cheating, and I'll make sure she knows why you left her alone that morning." She grins up at me and I've never hated someone so much in my life, but I know she will do it. Jocelyn won't be home for hours, so I have enough time to give her what she wants, then throw her out on her ass.
"I hate you Gwen."
"Fair enough, show me how much." She presses her lips to mine, and I fist my hand into her hair. Gwen always did like it rough, so if she wants me to show her how much hatred I have, then I'm going to really show her. With my free hand I undo the button on my shorts and slide them and my boxers down my legs. I pull away from the kiss, and push her down onto her knees. I'm not even remotely interested in her sexually, so she's really going to have to help me out in the getting ready department. She wastes no time taking my entire shaft into her mouth, pushing me all the way to the back of her throat. Her mouth doesn't feel near as good as Jocelyn's, but I guess it'll have to do. It takes almost 10 minutes, but finally I'm fully hard so I pull her up from the floor and bend her over the couch.
"Condom?" I am not touching her without one, and I don't have any in the house anymore because Jocelyn and I don't use them. She turns her face to me, and she looks annoyed but finally she rolls her eyes and picks up her purse from the floor. She fishes out the small foil packet, and hands it to me. I shove her back down and roll the condom on, it feels so strange wearing one of these stupid things again, but there was no way I was going to go bare. I grip onto her waist and slide into her. This all feels so wrong, but if I concentrate hard enough I can imagine it's Jocelyn beneath me.
"Harder Charlie." I grab her hair and pull her head back so I can wrap my hand around her neck. If she wants harder that's what she's going to get. Primal instinct takes over, along with a desire to just get this over with. I look down at her, but the sight of her is making me go soft, so I close my eyes and imagine Jocelyn's perfect ass in front of me. I can hear her moans so clearly in my head. Wait, that wasn't in my head. I open my eyes and she's standing in the door to the living room, her hand covering her mouth and tears pouring out of her eyes.
"Shit, Jocelyn, wait, this isn't what it looks like." I shove Gwen away from me and grab my shorts off the floor. Jocelyn takes off running back toward the front door, and I hear it slam as I'm trying to pull my pants up. I sprint through the house and when I rip open the door she is standing there. I pull her into my arms. She tries to fight me off, but I refuse to let go.
"Baby please don't go. Let me explain." I put my palm on her cheek, but it has the opposite effect I want it too. She looks almost nauseous at my touch. She breaks free from my arms and shoves me back against the door.
"No Charlie, I won't let you explain. What is there to explain? You were fucking some woman, in our home! That's all the explanation I need. I can't believe I trusted you." She runs off the porch, but I easily keep up with her.
"Jocelyn, please don't go. We can fix this. It's not what it seems, she is nothing to me." I don't know when I started crying, but I don't even try to hide it. My heart is crushed knowing that she had to see that, and there's nothing I could ever do to make up for it.
"I don't care what she is to you." She opens the door to her car and climbs in, but I step in front of it so she can't close it.
"Baby please, I love you." I reach my hand out to touch her face, and for a moment I think she might stay. Then I see her focus on the house again, and I can tell from the look on her face that Gwen has walked outside. When I look at her, she's grinning at Jocelyn, and I know she's enjoying this. Jocelyn looks back at me, and the betrayal on her face is causing me physical pain.
"I never loved you." There is so much anger in her voice, and the truthfulness to her words feel like a punch to my chest. My breath catches and I stumble back a little. She slams the car door and fires off down the driveway. I watch after her, and finally fall to my knees when she turns the corner. What have I done? My tears don't stop, they actually start falling harder and I don't know if I will ever be whole again. I'm not sure how long I've been sitting here, but Gwen walks up and takes my hands. She pulls me up from the ground and walks me inside. I feel nothing but emptiness, so I can only imagine what Jocelyn feels. I sit down on the couch and Gwen crawls into my lap.
"Now we can finally be together." Gwen's words pull me out of my fog and I stand up, causing her to almost fall on the floor.
"We will never be together. Get out. I never want to see your face again." I scream, louder than I intended, and she shrinks away from me. Her bottom lip starts to tremble, but she takes a breath and stands up straight.
"You think you can just stop talking to me? No Charlie, it doesn't work that way, not after that day." She crosses her arms over her chest and straightens her shoulders, obviously ready for this fight.
"Oh shut it Gwen. I don't even know if that baby was actually mine, and you were the one who chose to abort it, not me. I told you that if you kept it and it was mine, I would support the both of you, but you said you didn't want children. That was your call to make, not mine, so you can't throw it in my face now. I went with you to the appointment, and stayed with you all day, but we're finished now. Any claim you had to me, ended when you ended that pregnancy." My fists bunch up at my sides, and my blood starts to boil. How dare she try to use that as some sort of ploy to get at me. She made the decision, I just supported it, and now it's done. She looks like I've slapped her, and she can't hold in her tears anymore.
"She left Charlie. After what she saw, she's not coming back. Please, you're all I want." She reaches for me, but I jump back so fast that it actually scares her.
"Get out Gwen. We're done, you were never what I wanted, and you may have just caused me my future wife. I will never forgive you for this, and I promise, I am never going to speak to you again." As my words sink in, I can see everything finally click in her head. She gets dressed as quickly as she can with her shaky limbs, and I walk behind her as she goes to the front door. Before she opens it, she turns around to say something to me, but I just shake my head. I don't want to hear it, I could not care less about what she has to say. Her face falls and she just walks out the door. Once she's finally gone, the realization of what happened hits me fully. Jocelyn is gone, and I have no idea where she is. I can't believe I did this to her. I've never seen her this crushed before, not even the day I went to see Gwen. At least then she still had some love in her eyes for me. Today all I saw was disappointment and regret. I walk through the house in a daze, until I stumble through our bedroom door. I guess it really isn't our bedroom anymore though. I collapse onto the bed, and grizzly jumps in beside me, sniffing around for Jocelyn. He starts to cry and I rub his head.
"I miss her too bud." I pull her pillow into my arms and breathe deep, praying that I will see her again some day.
"Charlie wake up!" Someone slaps my arm, and yanks the blanket off me. I sit up, but my head is pounding, so it takes me a second to focus.
"Derrick? What are you doing here, what time is it?" It seems to be late afternoon, but I truly have no idea.
"It's 5:30, and it's Saturday. I've been calling you for 24 hours, why haven't you picked up your phone!" He pulls on my leg to get me to stand up, but I just kind of fall off the bed. I really have no idea what is going on.
"Wait, it's Saturday? I went to sleep yesterday at like 2:00." How did I sleep that long? The memory of Jocelyn's tears and her driving away comes back to me, and suddenly I can't breathe. I grip my chest, and my vision becomes tight, like I'm looking through pinholes. The room starts spinning, and I feel like I'm going to pass out.
"Dude, snap out of it!" Derrick slaps me across the face, and I see stars, but it does help me focus a little.
"What do you want Derrick!" I want him to leave, I just want to be alone and wallow in my own self pity.
"Where is Jocelyn, Charlie?" He crosses his arms, and gives me his signature "big brother" look. God, he is so irritating.
"I don't know, why do you need her?" I don't want him asking about Jocelyn. Thinking about her hurts too much.
"What do you mean you don't know? Where is she Charlie?" He looks at me like I've lost my mind.
"She left ok! She's not here, she left me. She's gone." My voice cracks on the last word, and my tears come back. I know I must look like such a baby, but I don't care, nothing has ever hurt this bad, and nothing will ever hurt like this again.
"What did you do?" Derrick grabs me by the shirt and yanks me out of the bed. He's only about an inch shorter than me, but he's just as strong, so he's practically holding me off the floor.
"It doesn't matter. What do you want with her anyway?" I pull myself from his grip, and sit back down on the bed.
"Chuck got released from jail yesterday Charlie, and he hasn't checked in with his parole officer, and now you're telling me that Jocelyn is missing, and you have no idea where she is?" He storms out of the room, mumbling under his breath. What did he just say to me? I sprint out of the room and tackle him to the floor in the kitchen.
"Get off me you idiot." He tries to shove me off, but I pin him down.
"What did you say?" My heart is throbbing in my ears, so I have to focus really hard on Derrick's words.
"Chuck got released from prison yesterday Charlie, and he hasn't checked in with his parole officer." He enunciates each word slowly, making sure I can actually process what he's saying. Chuck is out of jail, and Jocelyn is missing. My breathing gets heavy again, and my sadness turns to rage.
"We have to find her." I jump up from the floor and fly out the door.
"Charlie, stop! Do you even have any idea where she could be?" He runs after me, pulling his keys out of his pocket and we both climb in the car.
"I have a couple ideas." I pull out my phone and try to call her, but it goes straight to voicemail, so I know it's off and I won't be able to track her. I throw it in the back seat, and put my head in my hands. How could I have let her drive away. I should have gone after her, but I thought she needed space. Now she's in danger, and I have no idea where she actually is.
"Where are we going Charlie?" I direct Derrick down some side streets, and into a small neighborhood. We pull into the driveway and I jump out before the car is even fully stopped. I beat on the front door so hard that I'm surprised I don't put a hole in it. It opens, and I don't even look at the man standing in front of me, I just shove past him and rush into the house.
"What the hell Charlie? What are you doing here?" I ignore Eric completely, and start searching through the house. She has to be here, I just know it. I hear Derrick explaining the situation to Eric at the front door, but I just keep searching. She's not downstairs so I run past them again, and go up the stairs. I hear them following me, but I don't stop.
"Charlie, she's not here man, I swear." Eric steps in front of me as I'm coming out of what I assume is his bedroom.
"Where is she! Tell me right now." I grab him by the shirt, and hold him off the ground, so we are face to face. I know he's hiding her.
"She is not here, I haven't seen her since yesterday in her office. I promise, she isn't here." He sounds so calm, and I search his face for any shred of dishonesty, but there is none. I know he's telling the truth. I set him down on his feet, and stumble back against the wall. I rub my temples, trying to think, but I was sure she would have been here.
"She has to be with Jake, let's go Derrick." I start back down the stairs, and I'm out the door before I even hear either of them behind me. I get into the car, and Eric and Derrick both follow my lead.
"Eric get out, you're not coming." I do not want him around right now.
"Like hell I'm not coming. If Jocelyn is in danger, I want to make sure she's safe. Why isn't she with you? What did you do?" I can hear the anger in his voice, but right now, he really doesn't want to try to be angrier than me.
"I didn't do anything. She's just gone." I am not explaining this to either of them right now, all that matters is finding her. I give Derrick the address to Jake's apartment, and he makes it there in 15 minutes. We all ride up the elevator together, and I pound on his door. My heart is beating out of my chest, and I'm positive the guys can hear it. Jake finally opens the door and he is obviously surprised to see all three of us standing here.
"Jake, is Jocelyn here?" I push past him into the apartment, and his confusion just grows.
"No she's not here? What is going on?" He runs after me, as I search through the apartment. Damnit, I was positive she would be with one of them. I have no idea where she is now.
"Idiot here did something to her, and Jocelyn ran off, and Chuck is also missing. Charlie thought she would be with one of us, but obviously he doesn't know her as well as he thought." Eric's smug tone makes me see red, and I grab him by the throat.
"Ok ok, we all need to calm down. Charlie let him go." Derrick pulls me off Eric, and he bends over trying to catch his breath.
"Ok, so I was wrong. Anyone else have any bright ideas as to where she might be?" I'm so desperate at this point to find her, I don't know what I'll do if something happens to her and I wasn't there to protect her.
"Have you called her parents?" Eric is still breathless from me trying to choke him, but he has a point.
"I called them before I went to get Charlie. I thought they would want to know about Chuck, but they don't know she's missing. The last they knew she was still home with Charlie." Derrick is in full cop mode, and I'm actually thankful for it for once. However, we still have no idea where she is.
"Has anyone checked her old apartment?" I look at Jake, and he's standing there, seemingly calm, but I can see the panic in his eyes. Even though he told me he would give up, I know he still loves her.
"No we went to Eric's then came straight here." I never even thought about that, but I guess it makes a little sense.
"So you're telling me, that none of you thought maybe she'd go back to the one place she called home before moving in with Charlie?" The exasperation in his voice makes me irritated, but he's right. We should have gone there first.
"Ok, that's where we go next then." I march out of the apartment, and everyone files behind me. We look like some weird mobster gang, but if she is with Chuck, at least he will be intimidated. All that matters now is finding her. Not one word is said between any of us on the ride aside from Jake and Eric introducing themselves to each other. Derrick calls the police station on our way, but we get there before they do. They obviously don't see this as an emergency. When I push the knob, it's locked, and I'm ready to kick it in when Jake stops me.
"I have a key dude, don't break Kat's house, she will be pissed." He pulls a key from his pocket, and unlocks the door. Once it's open, I can tell something is wrong. I feel all of us tense up as the air engulfs us. I turn around to look at them and put my finger to my lips, motioning for them to stay silent. She's here, and I have a sinking feeling that Chuck is as well.
"Jake, where are Kat and Cayla?" I whisper as quietly as I can, but I'm worried that they will get caught up in this mess.
"They're on a girls trip, they're not here." He whispers back before heading into the living room to look around. I stop for a second and take in my surroundings. This place is a mess. It looks like someone came in and tossed the place, there's stuff just all over the floor. I hear a muffled scream from upstairs, and my whole body stiffens up. Everyone else hears it too, and we all gather around the bottom of the steps. I turn to Derrick and he nods before pulling his gun from his holster. He goes up first, because he's the one packing, and me and the others follow close behind. I can hear Chuck speaking, but I can't make out what he is saying because it sounds like he's crying. We get to her door, and Derrick looks to all of us, making sure we're ready for this, before trying the knob. It's locked, so he steps back and puts his boot through the door, shattering it and allowing us access into the room. I shove past Derrick, and what I see will haunt me for the rest of my days. Jocelyn is here, but she's tied to the bed, naked and spread eagle. Her shoulder is bent at a strange angle, and I know it has to be broken. She is gagged, and her eyes are closed. Her nose is broken and bleeding, and her face is bruised, but that's not the worst part. She is covered in blood. There is a deep cut across her chest, one across her stomach and left thigh, one gushing on her cheek, and the hideous red stains her white sheets. Chuck is standing beside her, and the knife is pressed against her right leg. He was in the middle of slicing up her thigh, when we burst in, and he froze.
"You sick fuck! What have you done to her!" I lunge at him, but he's quicker than I thought, and the knife slices across my side. The pain is excruciating, but I ignore it and swing my fist out. It finds its mark and he stumbles back against the wall. Derrick comes up beside me, and quickly disarms Chuck, and throws him to the ground.
"Charlie, I've got him, go Check on her." He pins Chuck beneath him, and handcuffs him. I stand up and Eric and Jake are already beside Jocelyn, untying the knots from her arms and legs. I rush to her and cup her beautiful face in my hands.
"Baby, wake up, I'm here. You're safe now." I lift her head up, so she can look at me, but there's no reaction. I remove the gag from her mouth, and her jaw goes slack. My whole body goes cold.
"Jocelyn wake up! I need you to wake up baby, please, come back to me." Sobs rake through my body. I've lost her. She's gone, truly gone. I break down completely, and fall onto the bed. I pull her lifeless body into my arms, and just cradle her to my chest.  I rub her face, and kiss her hair, praying silently that she will wake up, but part of me knows it's useless.
"I had to do it. This was the only way you were going to let us be together." Chuck's voice almost sounds sad, but not like he regrets what he did, more like he's sad he couldn't finish his sick torture. I want to kill him, but I don't dare let my baby out of my arms. I already hear the sirens, so he will be gone soon enough anyway. I turn my attention back to the tiny girl in my lap, and pull her head back so I can look at her face.
"Jocelyn, I'm so sorry. You will never know how sorry I am. You deserve so much more than me, you are everything, and even more than that. I love you so much." I press my forehead to hers, and my tears fall all over her face; she still hasn't moved, and her body is cold. I know in my heart that she is gone. I look up at Eric and Jake, and they too, have tears in their eyes. Jocelyn always thought she wasn't worthy of love, that she would never find it, but she had more love than she could ever realize. She is the epitome of love and light. I know the paramedics will be here to take her body any second, so I pull her face to mine, and kiss her lips one last time. They are still warm, and it's almost like she's here with me.
"I love you Jocelyn. I will love you for the rest of my life." I kiss her forehead, and her eyes, and then finally her lips again. The EMT's and the police rush into the room, and push a stretcher over to us. I stand with her in my arms, and lay her down gently, while Eric covers her with a blanket. I squeeze her hand one more time, and they try to move her, but I can't seem to let go. Something in me is telling me to hold on just a little while longer. I bring her hand to my lips and kiss each one of her knuckles. Wait, did I actually feel that? No, she's gone, he killed her, I didn't feel it. I shake my head and lay her hand down on the bed. I stand up straight beside her, and the room seems to collapse around me. Eric comes and puts a hand on my shoulder, and I actually appreciate the gesture, but nothing will make me feel better right now.
"I'm so sorry I wasn't here baby." They start to push her away, but then everything stops.
"Charlie?" It's funny how one word can make an entire room silent.