Finding the Light

What Really Happened

"Jocelyn, baby, look at me. Everything is going to be ok. I'm here." Charlie has his hands on my face trying to get me to focus, but I can't breathe. He knows where I am. He's here now. I'm so dizzy.
"He found me." I can't even cry. I'm just numb.
"Charlie what is happening, who found her?" Charlie looks from me to his brother.
"We need to get home right now. Derrick, please go get the car, and meet us back here. Mom, here's my wallet, please go pay the check." Jennifer doesn't ask any questions she just gets up to go find our waiter. Derrick looks at me, but then nods to his brother and walks off. Charlie forces me to look at him, and when I do there is so much fear in his eyes.
"Baby, I'm here, it's going to be ok. He will not get to you. I don't care how many cryptic messages he sends. He is not going to touch you ever again." He holds me to his chest, and I just try to breathe. Derrick pulls up with the car, and Charlie picks me up from the chair, holding me against his chest. He puts me in the back seat and climbs in with me, putting me into his lap. Jennifer hurries into the passenger seat, and Derrick takes off down the road.
"Charlie what is going on? Is she alright?" Derrick sounds irritated but also concerned. I try to speak but nothing comes out. I am so humiliated. I ruined Charlie's birthday, and I can't even explain why. Charlie sighs and holds me tighter.
"I can't say too much, but Jocelyn is in danger. We just need to get her back to my house. Please make sure we aren't being followed Derrick. I will explain everything when we get there." Derrick speeds up. We make the 20 minute trip in half that time, and when we get to the house Charlie carries me in and sets me on the couch. Grizzly jumps up into my lap and lays down. I absentmindedly rub his head and he falls asleep. I can hear Charlie and the others talking in the kitchen, but I can't make out what they are saying. What am I going to do? Charlie can't protect me, I'm not safe anywhere. Chuck will get to me one way or another. I have to leave. I need to pack my bags and move, even farther this time. Once I'm out of the picture Charlie will be safe, Chuck will leave him alone and he won't be in danger anymore. I'll have to find a way back to my apartment to pack up my things. I have to leave behind anything that can't fit into the cargo hold of a plane. I have no idea where I'm going to go, but I know I can't stay here. I hear Charlie walk into the room, and he kneels down in front of me.
"Baby, please don't cry. I'm here, everything is going to be ok." He wipes the tears off my face that I didn't even know had fallen.
"Charlie, I have to go pack my things. I need to leave."
"No Jocelyn, you aren't leaving. I can protect you, you're safe." He looks like he might start crying too.
"But you aren't safe. Not with me around, he will hurt you to get to me." I wrap my arms around my chest. I can't stand the thought of someone hurting him, and I start to whimper like a child.
"Derrick, what can you do? Isn't there something?" I look at Jennifer, but she is looking at Derrick. He has his arms crossed over his chest, and he looks so angry. I knew I would mess this up, he hates me because I'm putting his brother in danger.
"Well, we can issue a restraining order, but for now that's it." Charlie stands up but doesn't walk away from me.
"What do you mean that's it? I want him found Derrick." I'm so confused, what are they expecting Derrick to do?
"You don't have to look very hard. You know where he's going to be." They all three look at me, confused.
"What do you mean Jocelyn, you know where he is?" Derrick takes a step toward me. I shake my head and start to cry again.
"Not exactly. But you know that wherever I am, he won't be far behind. He won't stop until he has me back." Charlie sits down on the other couch in front of me, and puts his head in his hands. When he looks at me again, I can see that he is in pain.
"Jocelyn, I know this is really hard, but I need you to tell us what happened between you and this guy. I know that I saw the article, but I don't know any details. If Derrick is going to help, we need to know what he did." His mother and brother both sit beside him and look at me, waiting for me to tell my horror story. I knew that he would want to know eventually, but I didn't know that day would be today. Telling him this will only hurt him more, and I can't take that.
"Charlie, I can't." he puts his hands up and walks over to sit beside me. He holds me close to him and kisses my cheek.
"I know baby, but you have to tell me. I need to know what happened so I can keep you safe." I lean into him, breathing in his scent, and praying that once I tell him this, he will still hold me this way.
"Ok." I take another deep breath and sit up straight. Charlie never lets go of me and I tell them my story.
"I met Chuck when I was 16 almost 17. I was starting my senior year of high school, but he was a few years older than me. He was the sweetest man I had ever met, and I fell in love with him almost instantly. We dated while I finished school, and everything was perfect for that first year. No huge red flags to speak of, aside from he had a temper. He yelled at me a lot, but we always made up right away, and everything would go back to being great. Once I graduated, he asked me to live with him. He rented us an apartment a few towns away and I was so excited about starting my adult life with him. For the first three months, things were normal. I got a waitressing job at a local diner, and I made a few friends. One night I worked until close, about 4:00am, and one of the cooks, Kevin, walked me home. When we got to my apartment, I thanked him for walking with me, and he gave me a hug. Chuck came storming out the front door, and grabbed me, pulling me inside. He screamed at me for letting another man touch me. When I tried to explain to him who Kevin was he punched me in the face. I had never felt such pain before, and I started to cry, but that only seemed to fuel his anger, and he hit me again and again. I fell to the floor, and couldn't even move. I couldn't believe what had happened. I never spoke to Kevin again after that because I was afraid of another beating. I never spoke to anyone, I shut myself off from the world. Then there was the failed pregnancy, one of his beatings caused me to miscarry. That's when Chuck started to drink. On the days when he was sober, it wasn't so bad, I wouldn't get hit as often, but when he drank things became so much worse. I would get hit for forgetting to take the trash out, or not folding his laundry right away. It just became my new norm. I had no money because he kept all my paychecks, so I couldn't leave, and I refused to tell my parents what was happening because I was so ashamed. I tried to distance myself from him. I hated him touching me, it made me sick. One night he came into the bedroom and tried to take my shirt off. I said no, and started to walk away, but he didn't like that very much. He grabbed ahold of me, and forced me back onto the bed. He slapped me and while I was dazed he took my clothes off. He said I was his, he took care of me, and it was my responsibility to take care of him. So from then on he would hit me if I did something he didn't like and he took me whenever he wanted. It lasted five years. He would lock me in the room at night because he knew I would try to run, but one night he got to drunk and forgot to lock the door. I had a bag packed and hidden for months, just waiting for the right time to leave. I was also able to hide some of my tip money, just enough for a bus ticket back to my parents house. The night he forgot to lock the door, I snuck out, and just ran. I made it to my parents house, and I was safe for about six months. Then one night I was walking home from work, and he grabbed me. He pulled me into an alley and almost beat me to death. Two boys walked past and heard the commotion, which spooked him, and he took my purse and ran off. That was the last time I saw him and I've been hiding from him ever since." As I finish telling them what Chuck did, without giving to many gory details, Jennifer starts to cry, and Derrick hugs her, trying to comfort her sobbing. Charlie moves grizzly from my lap and pulls me to sit on his so he can hold me even closer. I watch as all three of them fall apart at the story of my life, but I have no tears left to give, I knew this day would come. I knew he would find me again. When I look at Charlie, he has tears silently falling down his cheeks, but he won't look me in the eye.
"Charlie, I'm sorry. This is why I never wanted things to get serious between us. I'm a broken person, and Chuck will never stop looking for me. You will never be safe while I'm around. I'm sorry, but I have to leave." He looks up at me, and kisses my forehead. I will miss this so much.
"Jocelyn, you are not leaving me. I know you don't actually want to, you just think that doing so will keep me safe, but I don't want you going anywhere. I want you right here. You told me this morning you would move in and be with me everyday, and I expect you to keep that promise. We will figure everything else out." I bury my face into his shoulder, and he tightens his grip on me. He really does want me here, he really does care.
"Jocelyn, have you ever reported anything he has done? Have you ever filed a police report?" Derrick has come to sit down beside me and Charlie, and I turn to look at him.
"No, after the last time, when I was in the ICU, my parents begged me to tell the police it was him, but I didn't see the point. A restraining order was just going to make him more angry, and he had already disappeared. He's to smart to get caught. I just wanted to be away from him, so I moved and hid, like a coward."
"Baby, you are not a coward. You were scared. Derrick, what can you do?" Why do they keep asking him for help? No one can do anything.
"Charlie, Derrick can't do anything. If Chuck wants to get to me, he's going too. Why do you think your brother can help?"
"I'm a police officer Jocelyn. Not here, but a few towns over. I don't have any authority here, but I can pull a few strings and make sure you are protected. That is if you're willing to go on record and tell a judge what he did so we can get a protection order for you." Derrick is a cop? I guess he does look like one. Jennifer is still crying on the other couch just watching us. I feel so bad for ruining her day.
"Jennifer, I'm so sorry. I have made a horrible first impression. First this morning, and now all of this. I'm so so sorry." I look at her and she just shakes her head.
"Honey, you have nothing to be sorry for. Right now, all that matters is keeping you safe." She stands up and walks over to me, pulling me out of Charlie's arms and wrapping me into her own. I'm surprised by this, but I hug her back immediately, so happy that she is still accepting me.
"Thank you." It's not enough, but it's all I can say because my tears are threatening to come back. She releases me from her embrace and Charlie stands up next to me.
"Charlie, can I ask you something?" I look up into his fear filled beautiful face.
"What do you need baby, just tell me." He puts his palm against my cheek, and I lace my fingers into his.
"Would you be ok, if my parents came here. I want to tell them what's going on. I know it's probably not how you wanted to meet them, but I need them." Charlie smiles down at me.
"It's not the ideal way of meeting them, no, but it's slightly better than having them catch us in bed like my mom did. Of course they can come here baby. I'll make the guest room up, and they can stay here if they like." Jennifer laughs at the memory of her seeing us this morning.
"You three stay here. I know where everything is, I'll get the room ready for them. Charlie you have no food here so I'll have to go to the store. Jocelyn, what do your parents like to eat."
"Mom you're not going anywhere alone. If this guy is really as crazy as Jocelyn says no one is going anywhere alone. Jocelyn make a list of food your parents like, and mom and I will go get everything." Derrick is in full police mode right now and his mom is not arguing with him, she just looks at me, waiting for an answer.
"My dad lives on red meat and cheap beer actually, and my mom pretty much eats anything." Jennifer smiles at me, and hugs me again before running off to make up a guest room.
"Derrick, do you have any time off you can take? I'd like it if you could be here with Jocelyn when she goes to file her report. Just in case there's things we don't understand."
"Of course. I have about 100 hours of vacation time I need to use. I'll go let mom know to make up two rooms." Charlie rolls his eyes.
"Have her do all three. I'm sure she's not planning to go anywhere anytime soon either." Derrick laughs and nods his head, and goes to find Jennifer. Charlie looks at me again. He wraps his arms carefully around me, like he thinks I might break.
"I'm so sorry Charlie. I've caused you so much trouble. You don't have to do all of this you know. I can just leave, and you will be rid of the problem." He sighs and shakes his head at me.
"Jocelyn, if you call yourself a problem one more time, I swear, I'm going to scream. Not at you, just in general. Baby, nothing in the world could possibly make me want you to leave. You are stuck with me now."
"But Charlie..." he puts his finger to my lips, cutting me off.
"No buts Jocelyn. Answer this for me. If none of this happened, if Chuck hadn't come back into the picture, would you still want to leave me? Would you still be trying to run away?" I shake my head violently.
"Of course not! Nothing could make me want to leave. I want to be with you Charlie, always." He grins at me, clearly happy with my response.
"Then that settles it. You aren't leaving. You are going to stay here, where I can keep an eye on you, and where I know you are safe." He cups the back of my head and pulls me into a kiss. I will never get tired of kissing this man. I curl my hands into his hair, forcing him further down to me. He sighs and opens his lips, allowing my tongue to explore his mouth. For this moment, everything is ok again. He pushes all the darkness away, leaving only the warmth of his light shining on me. His arms wrap around my waist and he picks me up so he can hold me close. I hold my legs around his back to keep myself in place, and pull him as close to me as possible.
"Am I ever going to be able to be around the two of you when you aren't doing something gross?" Derrick's voice scares the life out of me and I scream, jumping out of Charlie's arms and falling on my butt. Charlie looks at his brother annoyed, and then bends down to pick me up.
"Nice job idiot. You scared her." He holds me to his chest as I try to catch my breath. Derrick's face is beet red.
"Sorry, I didn't mean to scare you. But every time I've walked into a room today, you two are going at one another, and it's starting to make my eyes hurt." He starts to laugh and I do too. He's right, he has caught us all over each other multiple times today.
"Sorry Derrick, you're brother is just kind of irresistible." I grin up at Charlie, and his smile beams down at me.
"Just 'kind of' irresistible? Baby, that hurts." He holds his hand over his heart. I giggle, and he rubs his nose against mine. Derrick gives an exaggerated shudder watching us.
"Seriously, that is just gross."
"Oh stop it Derrick." Jennifer comes back into the room and playfully shoves him aside.
"Charlie, where is the nearest grocery store, I want to get back before Jocelyn's parents get here, so we need to go now." Charlie gives them the address to the local market a few miles down the road. Once they are gone, I go into the bedroom to call my parents.
Charlie comes in just as I'm hanging up with them.
"Well baby, what did they say? Are they going to come?" I push my fingers into my temples, trying to ease some of the tension between my eyes.
"Yes, they are coming. They are furious that he came back, but they said they can't wait to meet you. I told them that you offered for them to stay here and my mom said she would pack for a few nights. I hope that's ok?" Charlie puts both hands on my face.
"Of course that's ok baby. They can stay here as long as they need to." I snuggle into his chest and feel at home.
"Thank you Charlie. You are the best thing that has ever happened to me." He hugs me tight, laying his cheek on top of my head.
"You are for sure the best thing that has ever happened to me baby. I will spend the rest of my days proving it to you." I have a sudden, very strong need to touch him. I start to push backward, walking him toward the bed.
"What are you doing"? He looks down at me and I just grin.
"It's still your birthday isn't it? And since we are alone, and I promised to take care of you today, I figured we should do that before our parents get here." I unbutton his jeans, and slide them along with his boxers down his legs. I stand on my toes and take his shirt off, throwing it on the floor with his pants. Once he is completely naked in front of me I lick my lips as I admire him. His muscles are so defined, and his stomach is perfectly lined. I run my fingers over his hard chest, and down to his hips. He is fully hard and ready for me. I push back slightly and he sits on the bed. I push him again, and he falls back all the way. I run my tongue down the center of his chest, down his stomach and stop just above his erection. I bite his hip and it twitches in response. He leans up on his elbows so he can watch me. Once his eyes meet mine, I take all of him into my mouth. He rolls his head back and groans.
"Shit." He hisses at me, and sits back up so he can see me. I pull back slowly so just the tip is behind my lips and circle my tongue around it a few times. He is staring at me, breathless, his eyes never leaving mine. I moan and push him to the back of my throat. He is breathing heavy now, and I am enjoying making him squirm underneath me. I start to move faster, up and down, swallowing every bit of him. He puts his hand on the back of my head, fisting his fingers into my hair, and starts pumping his hips, matching my pace. He tenses up. I can tell he is getting close, and it is making my thighs wet, my arousal soaking through my panties. Suddenly he pulls me up from the floor.
"Hey, I wasn't done." He kisses me hard, and holds me to him.
"Trust me, I wanted to let you finish, but I need to be closer to you." He picks me up and puts me in the center of the bed. He slowly strips me, touching every part of me he can. He pushes my legs open with his own, and he kisses me as he buries himself inside me. I needed this just as much as he did, and I hold him tight to my chest, refusing to let him break away from the kiss. Our bodies are perfectly in sync, his tongue is moving around mine, and our hips are meeting thrust for thrust. All I can feel is him, and I know he is all I will ever need. I feel myself tighten around him, and he picks up the pace. I have to pull away from his mouth as my orgasm explodes around him.
"Yes, baby, let go." He sighs into my ear, and another orgasm starts before the first one can even end. He continues pushing himself deeper and deeper into me, until I feel him spill himself inside me. He presses his forehead to mine, completely breathless. I reach up and cup his face, kissing him lightly on the nose. He opens his eyes and that special look is back, but only for a moment and then he looks terrified.
"Charlie what is it? What's wrong?" He closes his eyes, and he seems to be at war with himself. Finally he looks at me again.
"I need to tell you something, but I'm so afraid." I tilt my head, putting both hands on his face and give him a small smile.
"Babe, whatever it is you can tell me. You don't have to be afraid." He sighs again and kisses my forehead.
"I love you, Jocelyn." His words give me butterflies, making my whole body feel like it's on fire, and tears pool at the sides of my eyes. All my fears melt away, and I kiss him gently then I look up into his beautiful face.
"I love you too, Charlie." A single tear falls from his eye, and he pushes his mouth back to mine. We make love again, holding each other tight, and confessing the secret love we were trying to hide.