Scars and Skies Above (Sky Series 1)

Flight MG-020: More Than Enough

I've been catatonic for weeks, hallow and empty.

I moved out of Mason's penthouse since I was discharged from the hospital. Ilang beses rin siyang nagtangka na bumalik sa ospital para dalawin ako pero sinabi ko na sa guard na 'wag na siyang papasukin sa kwarto ko.

Nang makalabas ako ng ospital ay sa condo na ni Gia na ako nag-stay. Hindi ko na kayang bumalik pa sa condo ko. Hindi ko na rin pinaalam sa pamilya ko ang totoong nangyari. Hindi rin alam nila Jules at Lexi. I didn't tell them the full story of what really occurred, I lied. I already mastered the art of lying and pretending that's why I did it easily. But painfully. And because I almost had a miscarriage a week before the incident happened, they easily believed that the reason I lost Scarlet was because of that.

Pumapasok ako ng school na parang walang nangyari. Ngumingiti ako ng parang 'di ako nasasaktan. Pinipilit ko na lang tapusin ang sem dahil malapit na ang graduation, ilang araw na lang.

Whenever I was surrounded by people, I gave them fake smiles and laugh even though I was dead inside. But when I was alone, everything comes out. Lahat ng sakit na nararamdaman ko, kusang lumalabas.

Kahit anong pag pigil ko sa luha ko ay kusa na lang itong lumalabas at parang hindi nauubos.

How long should I grieve for my daughter and for myself?

Wala rin nakakahalata na may kakaiba sa mga kinikilos ko, hindi nila alam na unti unti na akong namamatay.

They didn't know because I was good at pretending. I was good at masking my pain. I could hide it inside me forever and no one would even notice.

Mason didn't stop chasing me. He's been sending me flowers and letters everyday, apologizing for his shortcomings and begging me to take him back.

Why can't he just hate para mas maging madali na lang para sa'kin 'to? It would be easier for him too if he would just let me go. Para hindi na rin siya masaktan.

But why did he have to be so selfless?

Bakit ba hindi niya magawang magalit sa'kin?

I went back to our house to prepare for my graduation ceremony. Naka-ready na rin sila Kuya and Dad. They were wearing dress shirts and slacks, handang handa na sa graduation ko.

They were trying to cheer me up and divert my attention kasi alam nila na nasasaktan pa rin ako sa pagkawala ng anak ko.

Nakarating na kami sa school at nagstart na ang ceremony. Kami lang nila Lexi at Gia ang gra-graduate ngayong taon kasi next year pa si July. Five years kasi ang engineering.

When I started nursing school, I've always dreamed about this moment, when I would finally get my diploma, the fruit of my hard work, I dreamed I would be happy. And in my dreams, I was smiling.

Pero hanggang panaginip na lang pala 'yon because when I finally received my diploma, I wasn't happy at all. I couldn't even feel anything aside from pain. It enveloped me and didn't let me go.

The pain of losing my daughter won against the happiness I should be feeling right now.

"Congratulations, Gabby!" My brother gave me a bouquet of flowers after the ceremony.

Nasa labas na kaming lahat ngayon nagpi-pictrue taking na lang. I tried to be ecstatic, to act happy but I couldn't. It was too early.

"We should take a picture of us here, then let's remake it on Jules' graduation next year." Masayang sabi ni Lexi.

Ngumiti lang ako sa kanila habang naguusap usap sila. Jules was here with us today to support us, and she's been giving me curious glances, trying to decipher whether or not I was okay.