The New Addition L.S

Ch.31

Harry

I wipe my eyes and sit up.
"Okay now tell me what happened." Louis says softly pulling me back into him so we can cuddle.
I take a deep breathe and start talking.
"Well it kinda of started when Gemma died. I just couldn't handle it anymore. I was having panic attacks everyday, cutting and pushing everyone away. I went to see a doctor and they just prescribed me meds. But then I um tried to um." I take another deep breath when he runs his fingers through my hair.
"I tried to kill my self with them. It didn't work obviously and after that I never tried anything like that so don't be scared. But I couldn't stop the cutting. It's hard to describe it. It's like addicting once you start you can never stop. You know the high you get after a concert?" I ask him. I feel him nod.
"Well it's like that you just keep wanting more. I tried to stop but it was hard Braydon tried to help but each time I pushed him away.
And then I met you guys. The first few weeks I was doing it. I just thought you all hated me and the Gemma thing it was just too much." I say letting out a deep breath.
"Keep going" he whispers.
"Then I stopped. You guys made me really happy and I still am. Like the time I 'couldn't' go swimming I was embarrassed with my arms only Zayn knew. But I was weeks clean. But today was just really bad and once I got back here I had to feel it again. So I did it while I was in the shower and I'm sorry I just I didn't know what to do." I say softly at the end.
"Baby we all love you so much. If we looked at the hate we all get we would be doing it all day. It's inevitable but please I know it will be hard. I just need we need you to stop. Or please tell us when you feel that way." He says.
"Lou I'm sorry I scared you guys I'll stop or I'll try." I say sitting up.
"And I really didn't mean to snap at you guys today. That girl just really bothered me and I-" he stopped me from rambling.
I feel him grab the sides of my face with his hand and pull me towards him. He connects our lips.
It feel like fireworks are going off.
At first I was shocked but then I kissed him back.
We detach our lips and look at each other. I see a smile go on his now semi swollen lips.
"You kissed me." I say with a big smile.
"And you kissed me back." He says with a smile.
I pull his face back to my lips and kiss him again. I pull away smiling again.
"Harry? Do you think we can throw your razor away?" Lou asks.
"Yea I think that would be good." I say agreeing.
We get him up and I lead him towards my stuff where the boys are.
"Hey Haz" Liam says.
"Hey Li I'll talk to you guys in a second Yea?"
And they nod watching me and Louis.
I pull some a few bags.
I pull out one razor and put it Louis hand.
He seems tense, and the boys are all shocked.
I pull out 1more and give them to him.
"Hmmm" I say thinking of other ones.
"Oh" I say realizing meek spots.
I get my other bag and pull out a mini zip lock bag of about 2.
All the boys are still watching intently and confused.
I open the bag and pull them out holding them. I stare at them for a few seconds not wanting to give them up.
"Haz" Lou says.
"I-I don't about this Lou maybe I should keep just o-one." I say.
"Hey Haz it's okay you don't need them anymore." Liam says rubbing my shoulder.
"Yea screw those right?" Niall says.
"B-But maybe what is something happens?" I say.
"Haz nothing will happen you don't need them Okay?" Zayn says.
"B-But I should just k-keep one please?" I choke out.
"No baby you don't need them, okay please do this for me?" Louis pleads.
"Yea um okay." I say handing more to Louis.
I pull out two more from a different bag and give them to him. Each one I pull out the guys looks scared. I genuinely didn't know I had this many with me, sometimes I leave them in bags and don't get the chance to take them out so a lot of those are old.
"Anymore?" Lou asks.
"No" I lie.
"Are you lying?" Lou asks.
"Yes." I say.
"Haz" Niall says.
I get out another bag and give him my last one.
"Okay that's it." I say letting out a deep breathe.
We all walk to the bathroom and Louis flushes then all down the toilet.

I miss them.

We all walk back and we sit down and I explain everything to them.
Niall cry's a bit but I calm him down.
"I promise I won't do anything like that again guys. Please trust me." I say.
And they all pull me into a group hug.
"Gosh Haz we love you so much." Liam breathes out.
I know.