The New Addition L.S

Ch.63

Harry

I've been back for a few days, it's different. I'm getting that feeling I used to get when I was really sick. I can't walk up the stairs without having to stop or take a deep breathe. I can't just cut myself in my bathroom without one of the boys worried I will do something.

They go to the pool and I just say I have to FaceTime my mum, or I'm too sick.
"Haz come on let's go eat dinner." Lou says.
"I'm okay not really feeling well." I say slowly siting up taking a deep breathe.
"Harry please eat." He begs.
"Louis you know I can't" I tell him.
"Why Harry?! Just please I can't watch you kill your self! None of us can! do you ever think about how it hurts us?!" He yells.
I'm honestly unfazed I don't have the energy.
"Yes I have and I don't care." I say back.
"What do you mean you don't care?" He yells so everyone in the house can hear cause of course he left the door open.
"It's means I don't care anymore! I don't have anyone left! They all left me and now what am I supposed to do?! Do you know how if feels to have already lost the most important people in your life in just a year?! I don't have to eat, I don't deserve to! And even if I did eat I'll just purge it up like every other meal!" I yell back now realizing the other boys are in the room too, to back up their best friend, so they all heard that.

They all look at me shocked. I notice Louis has tears down his face. Fuck. I didn't mean to make him cry.
"Harry you don't mean that!" Liam yells angry.
"Yes I do Liam if I didn't then why would I have said it? For shits and giggles?! I'm seriously just a waste of space so can you guys stop looking at me like I'm a fucking animal at a zoo?!" I scream running into my bathroom and locking the door behind me.

I slide down the door and just breathe. Cause I need to this is way too stressful. I just want to talk to someone but I just ruined my chance with 4 of my best friends.

So I call my mum.

She answer in a few rings.
"Hey mum" I say upset.
"Hey baby what's wrong you sound upset?" She asks.
"I don't know I-I just need a distraction. I haven't been doing well and I'm really tempted." I say pulling my hair.
"Baby it's okay where are the boys? Not that I don't want to talk to you I'm glad you called."
"I lashed out on them, and I-I didn't mean it's not usually me and I said some hurtful things." I say playing with my shorts.
"Okay baby it's okay I don't want you to do anything so let's talk about something else like what's been going on?"
"I-I don't wanna talk can you?" I asks crying.
"Yea of course baby, well the Jones family just had their baby. And you would love it she's adorable. And me and Robin and planning a little vacation in Mexico to distress and all." She says.
"That's nice. Mum are are you gonna leave me too?" I ask sobbing.
"Not until you're all grown up honey okay? Now deep breathes in and out." She says.
I try to breathe but it just gets harder.
"Honey take your inhaler." Shes say so I get up and grab sitting back down and use it and it helps my breathing.
"Okay baby tell me your surroundings and what your doing." She says.
"Okay I um I'm locked in the bathroom. And there's a sink near me, and a toilet, and a glass shower, and there's a pretty view of the water. And other stuff." I say.
"What other stuff baby?" She asks.
"My uh bathroom stuff, and something else but I don't wanna say." I say sobbing.
"Can you tell me please so I can help?"
"M-My blade is the counter. I'm not near it though. But I-I really wanna use mum" I cried.
"Shhh calm down your going to okay? Your gonna stay calm and unlock the door and go to Louis. I wish I were there right now baby." She says.
"Mum what if he hates?!" I cry.
"I promise you he will never hate you." She says.
"Okay I'll go." I say.
"Stay on the phone with me until your with him." She says.
"Mhm." I say I locking the door.
I unlock it and see Louis sat at the end of his bed with his head in his hands.
"I'm gonna let you go now I'm with him good bye I love you." I say ending the call.
He looks up at me and stand up pulling me into a hug and I start sobbing immediately.
"I-I'm so sorry, I didn't mean it I just don't want to loose you!" I cry.
"Shhh baby it's okay." He says running my back.
"I didn't do anything Lou, I stopped my self." I cried into his neck.
"That's really good baby. Come on let's lay down." He says walk is to the bed.

He walks us over and I go in the covers with him and cry into his chest.
"Let it out baby your okay I won't leave you" he coos.
I sob so hard until I fall asleep into his chest.

Louis

He ends up falling asleep on me.
I take this time to check his wrist, I know he didn't cut in the bathroom but I haven't seen his wrist since he was clean and I need to.
I check them, they are a lot worse than I thought. Some cuts look like they were from just yesterday others look weeks old.
I let a few tears fall and snuggle him closer feeling his hot breathe on my chest.

I hear the boys walk in.
"Is he okay?" Niall asks noticing the younger boys passed out with dried tears on his puffy red cheeks.
"Yea he'll be okay" I whisper.
They all nod.
"Can we sleep in here tonight?" Zayn asks.
I nod a yes because they are probably scared I mean I was.
They all come back in with a few blankets each and pillows and find places on the groundwork sleep.

And soon we're all asleep.