Feelings On Paper

A new chapter starts again,

as I realize life moves on without consent.

I realize that even when happiness salutes me,

doubt stops me from moving forward.

I can't mark the calendar with his name in fear that I'll have to erase it,

I can't let go of the meaningless past that still haunts me,

I can't seem to stop thinking of the what ifs...

The reflection shows me a new born confident woman,

with a lack of direction,

but mostly no devotion.

I had purged of these suffocating feelings,

but now they buzz at my ear, 

disturbing each thought with a new thing to consider.

Feelings on paper,

aren't the same as they are typed.

You can press delete and the words are gone,

but unless you have a good eraser, 

those words will taunt underneath the subtle me.

I begin a new chapter with uncertainty,

so here I write to a person that knows nothing of me,

yet my every insecurity and fear,

and the fantasy I wished I lived in.