Ako ang Iyong Tahanan (ON GOING)

Chapter XXVIII

"J-Jayden."

I decided to wait for him at his car. After the band practice, I immediately went to the carpark. I contemplated about what Betty told me, she was right, I rushed everything. Though there was nothing between Joben and I before;I felt something beyond it.

"Jayden, please we have to talk. We need to settle this today, ayaw ko pang patagalin 'to," I tried to stop him, but he ignored me and continued to walk towards his car.

"Look, I know this may sound weird or too high school but, magcool-off muna tayo," he stopped from getting on his car and faced me with a confused face. 

Betty told me about cool-off. I've never heard of it before, but she told me that it would be the rightest thing to do with my friend's situation.

"What?" he played with his tongue inside his cheek.

"C-Cool-off 'yung p---"

"Fuck, I know what cool off means, Alyx," he cut me off. "Puta, ano 'yun? 2-day trial?"

"Isn't it the right thing to do? I mean I'm still confused---"

"So, you just fucking played with my feelings?" he almost yelled at me, but I know I deserve this.

"No, no. I like you too, okay? You make my heart flutter, you say and do good things to me, you make me feel special. But... I'm not sure if I'm just seeing Joben in you or what," I bit my lip. 

That was harsh, but he deserves the truth. He even said before that everything was sugarcoated for him, I don't want to do the same.

"For Pete's sake, I'm not a charity! Don't reciprocate my feelings for you if you just feel sorry for me, 'di ko deserve 'yung ganoon lang," he reached for his nape and messed his hair. 

Hindi siya mapakali sa kinatatayuan niya.

"Jayden, I'm sorry," I felt tears escaping from my eyes. 

I can't handle seeing him like this. I don't want to see things being miserable because of me. 

"Just give me time to think, okay?" I assured him, and he looked at me with fuming eyes.

"Anong tingin mo sa akin? Alahas? Babalikan mo lang 'pag kaya mo na? Fuck it, Alyx."

I started crying even harder. I don't want him to feel this way.

"Jayden, sorry, sorry talaga. My mind is a mess right now. Hindi ko alam kung ano 'yung una kong iisipin. Losing Mama is still painful, seeing Papa in that state scares me, and then there's you. Putangina hindi ko din alam ba't ganito 'yung nararamdaman ko! I wanted to get rid of Joben in my memory, but I can't because every time I see you, everything comes back. And I'm really really sorry that I dragged you in this fucked up situation of mine," I wiped my tears with my arms.

I saw him pause at his position. His lips parted, but he didn't say a thing. He looked down and wiped his eyes with his fingers. I'm not sure if he was crying since the sky was getting dark. He clenched his fist and punched the wall.

"Fuck!" he screamed. 

I came close to him to give him a hug. Sa lakas ng suntok niya, I'm sure his fist is bleeding.

"J-Jayd---" he lighly pushed me away as he leaned both of his arms on the wall. 

I looked at his hands and his right knuckle was really bleeding. Silence came in between us for a while, only our gasps were heard.