Allison and Kid

Chapter 7: Fix You

QUEZON CITY, METRO MANILA, PHILIPPINES | ALLISON TORRECAMPO

I don't know what's with Kid but it seems like he's interested. We never talked like this before and it's been a month since he approached me. He's nice, a bit airy but that's usual with guys. Maybe he's bored because everyone's quarantined.

Sometimes I think he likes me but I know he's just bored and I don't want to fall for it. I already moved on with Zandro, my ex. We've been together for six years. I think I'm not ready to risk again.

Hmmm. Feelings change when you start to know your worth and what you should be. I was happy but not really happy in those six years. I thought love is all I need but I was wrong, all I need is myself. That's why it's hard for me to fall in love again.

Zandro loves me. That's what he told me but those six years were not easy. I forgave him a lot of times and tried my best to be the good girlfriend but he still chose to fool me. He cheated. He dated someone while we're together. I don't know how he did that and I decided not to know. Since then, I lost myself and that's something that I don't want to happen again. We still continued our relationship 'til one day I woke up and realized that I can't take it anymore. The more I try, the more I lose who I am. I'd rather lose him than lose myself. If he can't love me the right way, I'll do it on my own. I'll give myself the love I deserve and I also have my family and friends, my real ones. I think I can live like this for long.

Going back to Kid, he's sweet and I think he's cute. I like guys like him—he looks neat, fresh, got chinky eyes, smart, gentleman, and I like the way he smile but I don't want to go further. Maybe a crush will do but I don't want something more than that. Sometimes I think it's better that he didn't approach me. I look at him as my kuya but things changed. Ugh, I really can't fall for this, you know?

As time goes by, I noticed that Kid is a lonely person. He sent me a lot of Post Malone's songs and told me that those are painful. I don't like the genre but I listened to those and he's right, those are sad. Maybe he's going through something and I felt bad for him.

I don't want to admit but I want to wipe his tears and make him feel okay. I don't know if I'm right and I don't know the reason why he's sad but I want heal those wounds. I love seeing his smile. He told me that listening to sad songs lull him at night. He's such a wonderful person and I don't want him to shed a tear as he close his little eyes.

I don't want this progress but I'd rather be true to myself. I want to help fix his mess. So I took my phone and recorded myself singing. I sent him a voice message and I hope, he'll get its meaning.

Lights will guide you home

And ignite your bones

And I will try to fix you