Allison and Kid

Chapter 15: Fading

OCTOBER 1, 2020 | QUEZON CITY, METRO MANILA, PHILIPPINES | ALLISON TORRECAMPO

I sensed that Kid changed lately. Most of the time, he's irritated and it seems like he's not interested. At first, I tried to ignore it but as time goes by, it gets worse. He's not saying anything. I don't even know what's going on in his mind but I let him have his time and just sent him messages about what happened to my day. I know he'll get mad if I choose to keep those all by myself. We had an argument before because I chose not to tell him about my problem. He told me that I can lean on him and I'm not alone. I realized he's right. He's my boyfriend. I should lean on him and I am not alone. Being used to it is not an excuse.

I'm back to work and most of the time, I can't keep in touch with him. I know it's hard because of our time difference especially whenever I'm having a hard time and I can't reach him. My work starts at 8 in the morning and ends at 5 in the afternoon. So when I'm on my way home, he's still asleep. That's the time when I send him messages so he'll see those first thing in the morning. When I got home, it's usually around 6:30 to 7:30 in the evening. That's his prep time because his class starts at 8 am.

Having a long day at work tires me. Of course, typical adult thing. I always make sure that before I sleep, I'm able to send him a message. Most of the time, it's a long text even though I know that he doesn't want to read stuff like that. Maybe it's different since it's me and I don't want him to get mad at me. He told me that I can lean on him.

He usually reads my messages during his break and on that time, I'm already asleep. Most of the time, I only receive "good morning" and "good night" from him. He's also busy and he's not expressive.

We only have ample time on weekends even though I'm a bit busy because I bought a new house for my family. I usually check that every weekend and I chose that because it's near my work.

I tried everything I could to keep the fire burning. I don't want to lose the reason why I chose to love again but it feels like we're not mutual anymore or maybe I'm just overthinking. He told me, "Baka ikaw pa magsawa sakin." because we're in a long distance relationship and even joked that he'd sue me in court if I choose someone over him since we're not together.

I can't lose him. He's the reason why I'm happy again. I'm afraid to be shattered into pieces. I need him in my life.

He reached out and held my hand.

He guided me.

He showed me that it's okay, I am with him.

I was afraid but he's with me.

Now, I am afraid again.

I can see him fading.