Dead Flower (Sequel to The Flower Girl Book Two)

Chapter 3: What We Both Want

This thing behind my chest beats, but I don't feel alive. Conflicted with the memories of the past. Bursting awake with a scream, the sheets are stained with sweat and tears. Can't contain the bodily fluids, a strong arm wraps around me.

"You're okay. I'm right here." Thank god I have him to console me. "Only a nightmare. I got you."

Is it really a nightmare when it actually happened? I'm being mocked. Everything hurts. I thought maybe if I cut deep enough, the nerves might be cut, numbing me for good. They might be dead, but they still haunt me in my sleep, and in my memories.

Most of the time, I can distract myself, or block out the thoughts. Other times, I break down completely. It tackles me, suffocating all of me until I tumble over and expose the suffering of my insides.

"I-I-I'm sorry I woke you." The monitor seems to be on continuous silence. So Flower is still asleep, thank god.

Andrew tugs me onto his lap. I straddle him, then lay down on his chest. "Don't apologize. I'm here to protect you." He lightly runs his fingertips up and down my back soothingly. "Want to talk about it?"

"No." I immediately push the negative word past my tongue. Keeping it kinder, "Thank you."

"I'll stay up until you fall back asleep." We lay in complete darkness together. Darker than Andrew's eyes, but as dark as both our pasts.

"Andrew?"

"Yeah baby?"

Swallowing the lump in my throat, "Do you still think about..everything? What happened back then, your childhood, us?"

He sighs. I can tell he doesn't want to pry open the bolted doors. I think he even threw a combination lock on it, and tried to forget the code.

"Yeah. There's not a day that goes by where I'm not eaten up by guilt, for the way I treated you. I don't know how you found it in yourself to forgive me time after time, but I'm beyond fucking glad you did." He keeps going. "I can't live without you. You and Flower are the fucking reason I'm alive. Without you two, I don't want to be here anymore."

Guilt swarms in my belly, knocking with the acids. "No matter what happens, I want you to keep fighting Andrew. I know you weren't perfect, but those days are burnt up. I don't hold a grudge against you at all. In fact, I look up to you."

If the lights were on, I know his eyes would be huge. He shifts beneath me. "How so?"

"Because of how awful you were, you became this amazing man, husband, and father. You're completely sober, committed, and trustworthy. I love the man you've grown to be. I can't picture myself with anyone else."

Grabbing the back of my head, he pulls me into his lips. Coaxing his soft velvety mouth with mine, I get lost in the motions. Until he starts pulling at my over-sized tee, which is actually his.

Stealing myself away from him, pushing off his chest, "Please, only kissing tonight."

"Of course."

Andrew sweetly makes love to my mouth, taking all the thoughts away. Fingers tangle in my hair. I'm so relived he understands that I'm not in the mood for sex right now. Not when what happened to me keeps spiraling inside, screwing with my head.

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Andrew surprised me with breakfast in bed this morning. It was sweeter than the chocolate chip waffles I devoured. Full, not only with food, but love. I got myself ready for our date tonight. I don't know where we're going, but I want to look good regardless.