Save me- Lashton

Chapter 2

A/N- I cried writing this one. 

It's funny isn't it.

How one second you can be fine and the next you feel like you can't breath and nothing in your life feels right anymore.

After work I came home, an empty home. Like always.

My thoughts were loud and obnoxious, screaming and tormenting me. I blasted my music, trying to drown out the sound but it didn't help.

Soon tears were welling in my eyes as I allowed the thoughts to overflow my brain.

'Stupid worthless piece of shit. Die.'

'No one would care, end it all.'

'You're nobody. You will always be no one.'

'You deserve all the pain and the hate you get for being alive.'

'No one wants you, you lying whore.'

I open my mouth to scream, to finally let the pain out. But no sound is made, it's almost like I've gone silent. No longer can you hear my cries, or ragged breathing. It's almost liked a peaceful wave washed over me. Now all I feel is numb as I stand on shaky legs, silent tears rolling down my face as I walk towards the bathroom, only one thought in my head now.

I find it scary how one moment my head is full to the brim of negative thoughts and hate, then it's empty and numb. Like someone has switched a flip in my head and turned everything off in my brain.

I walk into the bathroom and look into the mirror.

My blonde hair is in a quiff with my lip piercing in. I look okay, I don't look like there is a war going on inside my mind. But as soon as you look into my blue eyes, you see it. You see the pain eating away at me, the thoughts that make me feel like nothing but a waste of space.

My eyes land on the shining blade sat idly on the countertop.

'Do it. You deserve it.'

I pick up the cold piece of metal in my hand and grip it tightly.

"You deserve it." I whisper to myself.

With that thought in mind I pull the sleeves of my hoodie up, revealing the lines that mark my skin. Some pink, some white and some with blood still around the edges.

I push the blade into my left wrist, my hand shaking slightly.

'Do it.'

The blade glides dangerously across my skin. The metal happily sinking into my skin, making blood spill from the fresh wound.

Again, and again I do this. Some deeper and longer, or lighter and shorter. Both arms with overlapping cuts sit on my arms, leaking the red substance that drips down my arms and onto the pristine white floor.

My arms sting with the cold air around them as I watch the blood drip from the cuts, finding it scarily peaceful.

I drop the blade, that now holds spots of blood onto the floor.

I follow shortly after, leaning against the wall just staring into space. I'm tired of it all. Maybe one day I will cut deep enough so I never have to breath again.

But for now, I let my wounds bleed on. Dripping from the sides of my arms and the ends of my fingers.

After a while of just sitting there I stand up, swaying slightly at the dizziness that makes my world spin momentarily.

I grab the counter for support and turn the tap on before washing away all the blood. I don't have the energy to wrap them, so I pull my sleeves down and clean the floor and the blade.

I walk out the bathroom and to the kitchen, I grab some food and eat it swiftly before having a glass of water and going back upstairs now feeling mentally drained from the day.

As I climb into bed, I see blood has seeped through my hoodie, I sigh and shut my eyes, silently praying for me to not wake up.