Save me- Lashton

Chapter 36

I wake up with my face buried in a warm chest and arms wrapped around me. I know straight away it's Ashy.

Lifting my head slightly up I see his peaceful sleeping face and my heart flutters inside and how cute he is. The cuts on my wrist rub against my hoodie as I adjust my position, Ashton's arms instinctively tightening around me from my movements.

'You don't deserve him.'

'He would be better off knowing you're dead.'

'Worthless piece of shit.'

'You deserve to die.'

I'm not sure how long it is that I lay there, just being consumed by the negative thoughts, not even the comforting arms of my boyfriend are able to pull me from the darkness.

"Are you okay Lukey?" I hear Calum's voice whisper from across the room.

It's then that I notice my face was towards them both and I had tears slowly cascading down my face. I look up and focus my eyes, seeing Calum awake with Michael still asleep cuddled into his chest.

A small smile graces my lips until I remember what he asked.

"Yeah Cal Pal, I'm fine." I whisper, not wanting to wake up the other two.

He gives me an unimpressed look and replies, "Then why are you crying Penguin."

"I'm not." I try to defend while burying my face into Ash's chest so he can't see me.

I hear some shuffling and whispering from across the room then someone walking closer to where Ash and I are.

"Luke." Calum whispers, now a lot closer to me.

I poke my head out from his chest and meet Calum's worried gaze.

"Come on Lukey, I want to talk to you." He says quietly while standing up and holding his hand out for me.

I look swiftly to Ash and see him still asleep peacefully, so I carefully pull myself from him and take Cal's hand. He leads me to the kitchen, and I see it's 8 in the morning.

He stops and looks at me before speaking, "Tell me the truth Lukey, what's wrong?"

Taking a shaky breath in I decide I should at least tell him a little about it. "Cal, I feel like Ash deserves so much better than me. He shouldn't have to deal with the disappointment that I know I am. No one wants me around, not even my god damn parents. I- Calum, I feel like it would be so much better if I just- if I just didn't exist."

The sadness swarms Cal's eyes and I can see how sad it made him feel, I hold my sleeves down on instinct, hating the phantom sting that reminds me of all the pain and suffering I go through. But it doesn't matter, after all. I deserve it.

Wordlessly he pulls me into a hug and I can feel the tears on my shoulder.

"No Luke. No. You have been through so much Lukey, and I know how hard it is for you to believe, but we all love having you with us. The look in Ash's eyes whenever he sees you is so adorable because I can see how much he cares for you just by his eyes. Then there is Mikey, I know as a fact that he looks at you like his little brother, I know how protective he is of you, even though you might not know it.

And then there is me, you're my best friend. From day one. And when I found out about you hurting yourself, it broke me so much. Every day when I would come pick you up I would always fear that you wouldn't come out because- because maybe I had lost you. And then I would see you coming out and I would know I have another day with my best friend beside me.