Save me- Lashton

Chapter 33

"Lukey, are you okay?" Calum asks, snapping me from my daydream.

We were currently sat in the lunch hall eating- well I sort of was, although I haven't been paying attention to it- and I have been quiet for most of the day. My head just seems to be stuck in all the thoughts of last night; I can feel the phantom sting of when the blade dug into my skin, and even the thought of hanging out with everyone later didn't appear to be able to pull me from the darkness.

I clear my throat and look up to see Calum looking at me with worry in his eyes.

'I don't deserve his worry.'

"Yeah Cal Pal, I'm fine, sorry." I say, my voice only just being heard over the noise of the lunch hall.

He doesn't seem to believe me as he gives me a look and replies, "Are you sure, it's just- I've noticed you still always wear hoodies and stuff, and I can't help but worry that you're not okay. You know I care so much about you, and all I want to do is help."

On the inside I feel the panic creep in; I feel my heart break knowing he still cares and worries about me, because he shouldn't.

"I'm okay, I just don't like people seeing my scars." I mumble, wanting to cry my heart out and tell him, no, I'm really not okay. But instead I keep it to myself, knowing I can't burden him even more.

Tears pool in his eyes as he looks at me, and my heart crumbles at the sight, feeling so guilty for causing this much pain to him.

He nods swiftly and wipes away his tears, "Okay, just please talk to me Penguin. I love you so much, you're my brother and I'll always care about you." He cries quietly.

Swiping angrily at my tears I nod and say, "I know Cal Pal, I love you too."

He nods and sniffles sadly before looking back down at his food. One thought settles in my mind at this point.

Why do I always fuck everything up?

-Cal's P.O.V-

I know Luke isn't okay, he is more distant than normal, and he keeps playing with the sleeves of his hoodie, which he would do when he was thinking a lot.

I didn't want to push him to tell me what was wrong, but I knew I had to try and cheer him up. So, when he goes to the bathroom, I pull out my phone.

Me- Hey, when you see Penguin make sure you give him a big hug, I know your hugs always make him feel better.

Ash- I definitely will, is he okay tho?

Me- I really don't know, I have to go he is about to come back. See you later.

Ash- Okay, bye.

I put my phone back down when I see Luke walking back towards me, his eyes downcast and holding so much sadness. I really wish I were able to just make him better, but I know it's not that easy. Part of me worries maybe he is still hurting himself, but I always avoid it, not wanting to believe it.

-Luke's P.O.V-

As I get back to our table a send a small smile to Cal trying to make him think I'm okay so then he won't worry.

"Are you looking forward to later?" Calum asks looking at me with a small.

A smile- although small- falls on my face at knowing I'll be with them all later.

"Yeah, I like spending time with you all." I explain, feeling a little better being around Cal and knowing I'll have the whole weekend with them, "although, I'm not looking forward to work." I add.