𝑵𝒐𝒕𝒉𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝑮𝒐𝒍𝒅 𝑪𝒂𝒏 𝑺𝒕𝒂𝒚| 2

12: Anxiety🤦🏽‍♀️

Asa

The knife fell from my hand, and when I picked it up, I realized my hand was trembling.

I gulped. I was having a panic attack again.

Oh shit!

I started hyperventilating, struggling to control my breathing.

Why? Why now?

I clawed at my throat, doubling over on the counter as my vision blurred.

I felt like screaming, but I was choking on air... And just when it felt like I'd pass out, I felt a presence behind me.

I didn't know who it was because my back was to the door.

I felt like all the oxygen in the room was being sucked out of me. Dropping the knife, I clawed at my throat as I blinked back bright spots, dancing in front of my eyes.

"Shh... It's okay, Asa. Breathe." Someone hugged me from behind, nestling his cheek in my hair as he pulled me to him, in a tight embrace, strong hands encircled my waist.

He wasn't the one I wanted.

"Amir." I croaked.

But I was too weak to move away.

"Just focus on your breathing, Asa. Take deep breaths."

I found myself listening to his calm, gentle voice as I struggled to control my breathing.

Deep breaths. Deep breaths. Deeper. Deeper.

"Better?" He whispered after a while.

"Better."

My back was still to his chest, his arms around my waist.

"Uh... Amir, you might want to let go now."

"No. Actually, I don't."

"Amir!" I warned. "Someone may see us."

"Let them."

"I'm dating your best friend." I reminded him through gritted teeth.

"I don't care."

I sighed, turning around to look at him. "Don't be unreasonable, Amir. This thing you want between us, it'll never work out."

He closed his eyes as if he couldn't bear the pain my words inflicted on him. "I know. I know, but can't you just try? Don't you feel anything at all? Anything?"

I took a shaky breath, maintaining his gaze. "No."

He reeled back, as if shot and my heart twisted at the painful look in his eyes. The curbing grief...

But I just didn't know how to not tell him the truth. I didn't want to lie to him.

We had a lot in common, liked the same music, read the same books and fanned the same artists. He was on par with me academically and we could talk about the intellectual world of academia for ages without stopping. I liked his elegant, classy vices of exotic wine and expensive tastes. The fact he didn't do drugs or take too much alcohol was golden in my eyes.