𝑵𝒐𝒕𝒉𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝑮𝒐𝒍𝒅 𝑪𝒂𝒏 𝑺𝒕𝒂𝒚| 2

44: WTFU🌞

Asa

I sat up from bed, trembling, tears streaming down my cheeks, my heart squeezing painfully inside of me.

It's not real. I told myself. Not real. Not real. Not real.

But it was real. I gulped. I had done that to... To my own brother.

I felt bile rising up my throat.

Oh God.

I shot out of bed, stumbling into the bathroom, my mouth tightly clamped until i reached the toilet seat where I proceeded to empty my guts, puking and puking until it felt like I'd puke out my intestines.

I didn't stop until I was wrenching and wheezing, sobs, tearing at my lungs, my heart squeezing painfully inside me.

Stupid girl. Weak girl. Evil girl. Abomination. Your own brother.

No. No. No. NO!

Walking to the basin, mud in my mind and disgust in my veins, I grabbed the faucet and scrubbing my hands frantically until it hurt.

Get off! Get off! Get off! Get off!!!

But no matter how hard I scrubbed, the sticky, dirty feeling wouldn't leave. Forever imprinted on my memory.

I dropped to the floor, crumpling into a tiny, disheveled ball, tears streaming out of me painfully, whimpers and sobs, tearing at my throat.

In the back of my mind, I heard everyone's opinion. Faceless people, attacking me. All against me.

Why didn't you tell anyone? I heard my mum's voice.

Why didn't you fight back? You couldn't even scream?

Leave her alone, she's lying?

I squeezed my legs tight to my chest, wanting to fold myself into nothing and dissolve out of existense.

Pain... When will it stop... When will it all end. When?

I felt dirty. Polluted. Spoiled. Weak. Weak. Weak.

I grabbed my head tight, screaming, crying. Wanting to reach deep into my memories and yank them out. Loneliness, eating up my soul like acid.

I suddenly felt small. Alone. Useless. It was me against the vast universe and I was tiny. Insignificant. Nothing.

Memories of my time in Abuja coming back. How Brandel only got sicker and sicker and started demanding more than I was willing to give, to the point where he practically forced me every night. His actions, more and more violent and twisted.

Shh. Don't scream. Don't scream, Selene. I'll fucking kill you.

Until the point I couldn't even recognize the old Brandel anymore.

Every night.

And then I snapped.

I just couldn't take it anymore.

He came that night, and I was ready for him, slashing at him blindly in a moment of pure, unadulterated terror.

I didn't even realize what I had done until he stopped motionless, slumping on me, and my hands soaked with red, sticky blood.