HOMOPHOBIA | SoonHoon (Under Editing)

twenty three

after the party, woozi decided to show up at work. when the incident happened, he took all of his works at home and his room suddenly turned into a studio. but then he realized that he also have to talk to the artists and other producers so even knowing that hoshi might be there, he brushed away the thought of him and he drove at the company in a good mood. even wonwoo was surprised to see woozi not that sad anymore. he doesn't know what came to him that he realized that he's fine.

"woozi? you're here?" it was one of the producers that he's working with. "the studio was quiet without you. now that you're here, for sure the others will be glad"

while talking to the producer, woozi noticed hoshi coming from the dance studio. when he saw his face, he started to feel sad. his smile slightly faded and he wants to run away and go back home. maybe he was just making himself think that he's okay but deep inside, he was still a mess without hoshi.

"yeah me too, i'm so glad that i'm here now. i was in a slump for a month and now that i recovered, i'm happy to be back" he replied and he just ignored hoshi and he just smiled at the producer.

"see you then, woozi. keep it up" the producer said and he now walked inside his studio.

as much as he regret going to work, he can't deny the fact that he missed his studio. he can literally see hoshi everywhere while he's working. it's either hoshi is on the couch playing his phone, or beside woozi watching him work on a song or they are eating or cuddling. he missed hoshi so much that he didn't notice the tear slipping out of his eyes.

"oh my gosh i should stop crying or else i'll bloat for the rest of the day" he muttered and he sat down on his swivel chair, turning on his monitors and cpu's.

-

lunch time came and woozi decided to go down at the cafeteria to buy some coffee and some snacks. so he stood up, taking his wallet and he walked outside but to his bad luck, he saw hoshi walking towards him.

okay where should i hide? fuck! should i just walk pretending that i didn't notice him? oh shit he saw me!

woozi was out of choices. he walked passed him but he was stopped by hoshi taking his hand and pulling him.

"c-can we talk?" hoshi asked hoping that woozi will say yes.

"why? is there something we have to talk about? i get it, okay? i'm gay, you are homophobic, the end. and as far as i know you are the person who i have to avoid. you don't even like gay people around you. what's there to talk about? another insult? another pointless conversation?" woozi then chuckled at him. "i'm not planning on trying to understand you anymore. whatever you do in your life, whatever decisions you make, i'm out of it. i can't even imagine myself being around you anymore"

"that's harsh, don't you think?" hoshi said but he regret saying it afterwards. "yeah thinking about gay people as disgusting is worse than that. if you want to hurt me i'll take it. hit me wherever you want. if you want me to kneel down or even kiss your feet i'll do it. because what i have said to you doesn't deserve any forgiveness. i don't deserve it. i know. but i'm not here to just apologize and expect that we'll be okay afterwards. i'm here to let you know that i made a big mistake. for hurting you, or even other people by me being a narrow minded piece of shit. i realized every words that i have said. i know it's not only hurting you. i know it destroyed you too. losing you is like losing myself too, jihoon. i don't know what to really react because.... because my father was gay!" he sobbed and he fell onto the ground.

"he left me with my mom for his boyfriend and of all people! i looked up to him, i loved him and for all i know he wants to get rid of me and my mom is the only one who wanted me. i grew up in a household where being gay is a mistake. that gay people are the worst people that i know. i'm really sorry, jihoon"

for the first time, woozi saw hoshi crying. not the usual he always see whenever he opens up. but a different one. this time it was him showing that he was also hurt about what he said towards woozi. that he doesn't want any of this to happen. it was just him triggered by the fact that he was left alone, unwanted by his father. suddenly, woozi brushed off the thought of hoshi hurting him. this time, he only thinks about how to comfort hoshi. when he walked towards him, the older took a step back.

"don't you even think of hugging me. this is what i deserve, jihoon. you cannot just comfort me knowing i did something awful to you. no. i would never let you comfort me anymore. this is a punishment. you don't have to be kind. you should be hating on me. you should stop yourself from being so damn stubborn" hoshi said but woozi wasn't stopping from getting closer to the older. "i-i'm really sorry"

"if you stepped away one more time, you won't have the chance to see me ever again" woozi threatened hoshi and the other suddenly stopped. that's when woozi found a way to hug him as tight as he could. "i don't care about what you said. what i wanted to really know, is the reason. i have accepted that you were homophobic. that's why even after knowing it, i still stayed. even if you hurt me by saying hurtful things towards us, i kinda got used to it. i am the one who knows you so well, hoshi.

i know you won't hate onto something without a reason. trust me, i know. but what i hated the most and what triggered me the most, is when you said that to jeonghan hyung. i was okay with it if i'm the only one who hears it. but not with everyone else. seungkwan and vernon were already dating at that time and minghao, wonwoo was also gay.

i can't afford to let them hurt that words, hoshi. i can't see them hurt just because of the words you have said where in fact you just don't have a choice. you keep on replacing what you truly feel for us because of the thought of your father being gay. you don't hate us. but you hate your father. so the anger and the disappointment that came to you when you heard about us being gay was not towards us. but to your dad"

"woozi" hoshi called out and he started to cry again. "i didn't really mean to hurt you. i will apologize everyday, even to our friends. i would do anything to get you back. i can't imagine myself losing you forever. i can't take it"

"i know. i know, hoshi. come on, you gotta stop crying now. your students are here" then hoshi immediately wiped his tears but woozi just chuckled. "just kidding, silly. it's just us"