First one

One hundred and nine: Why did we ruin us?

Isabella's POV

It all felt like a dream, like none of it was real, but it was. Carrying my suitcases back to my apartment was indeed very real. I never thought to back here so soon but plans change, plans always change. Opening the door of my place and rolling my stuff inside wasn't enough to shake me away from the nightmare my life had turned into.

"Bella, I know you're not okay... You're scaring me. Please say something." Mia gently put her hand on my shoulder as we stood in the living room and my gaze met the worry on her face.

"I'm going to take a shower." I said as all my emotions had been drained away from my core.

"Bella, please talk to me. I get that you're angry and upset but please don't shut me out." She begged as the entire car ride I wasn't able to say a word, nor did I let a single tear since I left that bar. I didn't even think about it, about him, about all of this mess.

"I'm not, I'm just going to take a shower. I'm tired." I gave her a faint and fake smile while I started going through my stuff, trying to find something to sleep in and my toiletries. "I'm fine. I just want to get out of these clothes, it's late and I have classes tomorrow." I shrugged my shoulders before going to the bathroom, the corner of my eye spotting Mia flop down on the couch with a sigh.

I thought a shower would wake me up from this state of chock, from feeling so disconnected but it didn't. I still didn't feel a thing. The thoughts in my head were still empty but peaceful and that was quite nice for a change. That last person I wanted to think about was him and this hole I fell into was keeping out every thought, just me and myself at the bottom of it. I felt a hint of pain earlier when he begged me to stay, when he cried on his knees for me, because I could feel how much he regretted it. That pain was quickly replaced by a blank memory of nothing and that's when I left.

Coming out of the bathroom fresh and clean I changed into some shorts and a T-shirt. I saw Mia still sitting on the couch where I left her, this time wiping her eyes dry. "Are you okay?" I asked her, sitting next to her on the couch. I might not care about myself at the moment, but I still care about her.

"I just hate being in the middle of this all." Mia shook her head, another tear escaping from her eye. "I'm just so mad at him! How could he do that! He wanted to kiss Jess on purpose just to hurt you. Who does that! I'm just... I'm just so disappointed in my own brother that it hurts." She rubbed her face with her hands and grunted with frustration. "Also, do you really think it's a good idea coming back here?"

"I don't have another choice..." I instantly shrugged my shoulders. "The rent for this place was already paid this month and I have only little money left from the shifts I did at the café so I can't afford to go to a hotel..." I shook my head rationally. "He gave me no choice." Looked at her, her brows in a frown. "I'm going to try and find another job tomorrow after class..." I said as I slumped back into the couch.

"Don't you think you should give yourself a break from everything, I mean considering what happened." She frowned her brows some more, as if I had said something wrong.

"I don't need a break." I almost snapped but my voice just stayed dry.

"Bella..." Mia whimpered, before looking at me with a parted mouth. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath, she looked worried but there was nothing to be worried about, I was fine, or at least that's what I convinced myself of.

"I really don't... I have never felt better." I said trying to sound joyous, but she could feel it was all fake, her face in a deep frown as she tried to read my emotionless expression.

She scoffed a little, but that couldn't offend me, not even a little... "Why don't I believe that..." She questioned me as she shook her head.

I sighed as this trying to convince her I was okay was taking more energy than I had left for today. "I'm finally feeling nothing, and it feels freaking amazing. I'm not scared of my parents anymore, I don't stress about my future, I can't feel my heart crumbling. I have never felt better." I said confidently as my thoughts were finally silent instead of them constantly screaming into my ear.