First one

One hundred and eleven: I met this girl

Lukas's POV

To say that everything from the moment she left became a blur, was an understatement. That night was probably one of the worst nights of my life, but one thing was for sure... I needed to stay away from bars and alcohol. They were the reason I got myself even deeper into this mess, they were the reason I gave her enough motives to leave. They would make me lose all my rationality and I didn't want to meet the dark thoughts that came along with that.

That night I tried to sleep but I was afraid... I had a feeling that it still wasn't over... unable to let her words sink through, unable to see that her stuff was gone. I tossed and turned trying to find her in my bed, trying to smell her sweet scent but even that she had taken with her. I stared at the ceiling until darkness filled my eyes and I had to blink.

I wanted to stop thinking about her but the memories, all of them, of her, kept haunting me, still not wanting to believe they were going to be memories I only would be able to share with myself. Not a single moment did I feel my eyes get heavy as all I wanted to do was go to her, to talk to her, something I should have done before going to that damn bar.

The lump in my throat was almost choking me when the thought of her leaving with that coldness in her voice ripped through me. She had nothing to say. That wasn't like her at all...and it was because of me. I'm not going to lie that it felt double seeing Mia leave with her. I was happy someone would watch over her, to make sure she was okay... but it also made me feel alone... Bells was always the one I could turn to, the one I could show my deepest truest feelings and I pushed her away in this messy accumulation of mistakes. I want her to come back to me... Snowflake please, please come back to me.

I wanted to sleep so I would be able to stop thinking about her for a minute, but I was restless. I didn't know what to do with this pile-up of feelings and the chaos of good and regretful memories meshing together. Sleep wasn't what I needed, it was a waste of time, wrapping myself in sheets trying to doze off. It wasn't going to happen, but I also didn't really have someone to talk to. Ben told me he was going to surprise my sister this weekend and I didn't want to ruin her happiness again by bugging Ben with my errors. Shit...

I sighed getting up from the bed, leaving my sheets in a messy ball behind me. I grabbed a thick hoodie and hoisted myself in a pair of jeans. I just need to get out of here! I knew exactly where to go.

I stopped at a gas station and fueled up the car, enough to take me where I needed to go. After getting a coffee inside the station I was on my way for a three-hour drive. Never thought I was going to go there after all those years, but maybe that was exactly what I needed. I needed someone to talk to, I needed a friend.

I thought it was going to be impossible to keep my eyes open and focus on the road, but the way Bella left tortured me enough to make me stay wide awake. I rubbed my hand over the back of my head when I desperately tried to keep myself from giving up all hope. She might change her mind... It has only been a few hours and I already feel like I had to miss her for a lifetime worth of moments. If this is only a few hours I can't imagine living a whole lifetime without her. I can't even bare the thought of it. Fucking hell why did I handle this so poorly? I should have been smarter than that.

I parked my car at this place and by the time I arrived the sun was already rising, the yellow orange sky greeted me, yet all felt gloom considering where I was. Locking the car, I pulled my hoodie over my head, the cold wind making me shiver. The place was unfamiliar as I had never been before, the grass green and the threes surrounding this place bare. Looking around me it looked just as grim as it felt. Nothing about this place added anything to my happiness, but it was still where I needed to be.