Bangtan Imagine (and Sprite)

There's no happy pills (YG)

trigger warning: several sensitive mental health topics

Yoongi came into the dark apartment, all the lights were off and it was very quiet. It wasn't that late, so he found it strange. He turned on the lamp in the living room and saw everything was scattered around exactly where it was left this morning. The sink in the kitchen had all the dirty dishes from breakfast, but nothing else.

He walked to your room and to his surprise you were there, you were curled up in a ball wrapped in the bedsheets and clinging onto a pillow. Everything around you was untouched like the rest of the place. He sat at the edge of the bed and placed a hand on your arm, you were shaking. He furrowed his eyebrows at this realization - hey, jagi, is everything okay? - he shook your arm lightly.

He went to take your hand and his fingers brushed your wrist, your skin wasn't as smooth as it usually was. He grabbed it and held it up to see a single cut unveiled by the moonlight coming in through the window. Why did you do this?! - he raised his tone of voice incensed, his eyes fixed on your wrist. You flinched but remained silent. He leaned on you and wrapped his arms around you tightly - don't do that, please - he said softly against your neck.

I don't want to be alone - you said in a whisper. Yoongi took his shoes off and climbed under the covers with you as is. He held you close as you quietly cried yourself to sleep. He knew that feeling all too well. What was happening and the idea of those thoughts going through your head angered him and made him extremely uneasy. You didn't deserve any of it.

The next morning he tried to get you to change to go to work with him, but he could barely make you put a sweatshirt over your pajamas, sweats and shoes. He didn't care, as long as you were safe with him. He worked while you laid on the sofa in his studio sleeping all day long. You turned down his lunch when he offered it to you.

For several days this is how things worked. Yoongi didn't let anyone in his studio and didn't hang out with the guys at the end of the day. He didn't talk about what was going on with anyone, even though the members knew you were there with him every day. He didn't deny it, but he didn't say anything.

After a week that felt like an eternity, you found yourself in the waiting room of a psychiatrist's office with your boyfriend. Mr. Min - he said and he took your hand and walked to the doctor that was holding open the door for you. He knew you had no one else in Seoul, so he arranged everything for you so you could come to your appointment with him.

He bowed and greeted him before taking a seat and you sitting down on the chair next to him. The whole time you were quiet and looking at the floor. The doctor took a moment to observe him and then you, he noticed your sliced wrist underneath Yoongi's hand.

I assume we are not here for you, Mr. Min - he said kindly and looked at you. You didn't look up from your lap or say a word, so your boyfriend explained the changes he saw in you and what happened this last week. The doctor nodded assessing the situation and prescribed some anti-depressants hoping your state would improve and you wouldn't be inclined to hurt yourself further.

You were back home tucked in bed and he brought you a glass of water and your medication. You looked at him with glassy eyes and an exhausted expression on your face - why? - is all you said. Just take it - he said impatiently. What is the point? - you asked with a pained look and he sighed frustrated. Do it for me, if you won't do it for yourself, please - he begged you and you took the pill and washed it down with the water.

Yoongi kissed your forehead and proceeded to get into bed right next to you as every night now. Keeping a close eye on you as you slept in his arms restlessly. Several days passed and you were apathetic at best, he couldn't wait for the medication to kick in so you'd be out of this miserable funk. You weren't crying as much, but you weren't looking any better. You still slept the day away in his studio and got in bed as soon as you were back home.

You heard your boyfriend talking to the doctor on the phone a few weeks in, explaining how you weren't doing much better and you wondered why he cared so much. You felt like a burden to him, but you couldn't help it, you had no energy or will to do anything. These thoughts ate away at you day and night. Sometimes you'd wake up crying in your sleep and he'd be right there to cling onto until you could calm down enough to try and go back to the numbness that sleeping provided you with.

Many months passed and you still were not improving, the number of cuts on your wrists increased. You even went as far as your thighs in an attempt for Yoongi not to keep finding them, but he did anyway. There was helplessness and pain in his eyes every time he saw the new marks. Guilt consumed you, why was he still here when you kept hurting and disappointing him?

He came in your room with yet another pill to try and a glass to wash it down. I'm tired - you simply told him, tired of living, of trying medications that did nothing. I know, jagi - he said sweetly as he cupped your cheek and you laid on his hand. Tears started running down your face. His face twitched as if he could feel your pain. Come on, try it - he pleaded as he always had to for you to take it. But this time you didn't.

You laid back down and curled up under the covers. He just sat there looking at you, his eyes welled up with tears for the first time. He was so frustrated, he was heartbroken because he couldn't protect you from your own mind no matter how hard he tried.

He had managed to make time for you so far, but with the release of the upcoming album, the band would have to promote it with several activities and eventually go on tour. He was running out of time.

-

To be continued...