Lascivious: Terrence Calleja (COMPLETE)

Chapter Eighty Two (ENDING)

Isabella's POV

I can't help but reminisce the past. Ilang taon pa lang ba ang dumaan pero napakadami ng nangyari. I came here in the philippines for dad. Hindi ko inaasahang magtatagal ako dito dahil ang plano, babantayan ko lang siya hanggang sa gumaling siya. I didn't know anything about the company or his past lovers. I didn't know anything at all. Na kina mommy lang at sa buhay ko sa California ang buong atensyon ko, halos makalimutan kong may pamilya pa nga pala ako dito sa pilipinas.

I had traumatic experiences here in the philippines I wanted so desperately to forget. I kept blaming all of that for having a fucked up life, I forgot I'm free and whatever happens after those experiences is up to me to decide, but instead, I chose to be tied up from those chains and torture myself with those memories. I wasn't stuck. I had the key, I just chose not to use it.

It's not your fault people are assholes, but how you deal with them is always up to you. I'm not saying we should hide and run from our traumas. I'm suggesting we should face it. You have bad memories in that place? Start making good ones. Got problems with certain people? Be honest. Fix it.

Everytime I reminisce about the past, I can't help but laugh. Ang dali dali ng problema, kinomplika ko pa. I was just proud, maybe scared. But once you pass through fear and pride? Everything becomes easy. Laging sinasabi ng iba na dapat laging nakataas ang noo mo para di ka api-apihin ng iba. But you know what? It's not kindness that makes you weak. It's fear. You're afraid to stand up for yourself. You're afraid to claim your real value. You're afraid about what "they" might think. You always give reasons to why you can't do something. It's not your trauma. It's not because you lack something. It's because you're a coward.

Harsh ba? Ganyan talaga ang buhay... You're not special. Life will never go easy on you. So whatever you want to do, do it now. Whether you wanted to confess someone you love them... Whether you want to learn a new skill. Do it.

Alam mo ba kung bakit hindi mo matapos-tapos ang gusto mong gawin o kaya di mo maabot-abot ang mga pangarap mo? Di ka pa kasi nagsisimula umaasa ka ng may magandang kapalit ang bawat kilos mo. Everytime you want to confess to someone you love them, you assume they'd reciprocate your feelings. Pag hindi, nagagalit ka. When you draw or write for the first time, you always expect people to like it. Wala kang balak na i-improve ang sarili. Lagi kasing nakataas yang noo mo kaya di mo makita mga pagkukulang mo.

I know, I'm too harsh. Gusto ko lang i-prove yung point ko. Kahit ako, ganun din dati... Hanggang sa makilala ko si Terrence. Simula nun natutunan kong harapin lahat ng takot ko. And don't get me wrong, it wasn't all for him. It was for me. When we broke up, I let my fear consume me. I made a mistake. Terrence... He's not easy to deal with. He's a very difficult person, and yet I still want him. So I made myself better... I made myself stronger. Alam kong kakailanganin ko yun kung gusto kong manatili sa buhay niya.

I wanted to marry him. Alam kong mahirap ang buhay may asawa. Growing up, I saw my parents being destroyed by their relationship. Love can't keep two people together. Relationship is complex. Dapat di lang pagmamahal ang meron kayo kundi tiwala, respeto, oras sa isa't isa at lakas ng loob. Once you make your own family, it won't be about you two anymore. You will have kids. Relationship... Marriage... It's more complicated than people think.

I used to be scared about the idea of marrying someone and having kids. I didn't think I was responsible enough. But like I said, I won't let my fear consume me. My parents were irresponsible with their relationship but they raised me better than that. I know I'm stronger than they were. I am ready and I won't pause my life anymore just coz I'm scared.

Terrence and I had bad memories, so starting today, we should make good ones. We should forgive our past but we should never forget it. Like what they said, "Those who don't remember the past are deemed to repeat it." We should take our mistakes as lessons and always keep it in mind. Apologizing for the same thing over and over again is tiring, you know?

*Sigh* So yeah... I'm ready for whatever comes ahead. I'm ready... And this time, I will never give up without a fight. Y'all can throw a brick at us, we'll use that to strengthen the foundation of our relationship. So if you asked...

"Do you take Mr. Terrence Calleja as your husband?" Tanong ng paring nasa harapan ko.

Tumikhim si Terrence at binigyan ako ng makahulugan ng tingin. Napangiti ako. I almost forgot he's beside me. I feel a bit overwhelmed. We're finally here... We're finally getting married. Bakas ang kaba sa mukha ni Terrence. Hindi pa kasi ako sumasagot.

"Ms. Isabella Zapante, do you take Mr. Terrence Calleja as your wife?"

"Yes, I take Mr. Terrence Calleja as my husband." Punong-puno ng confidence at determinasyon kong wika.

Terrence let out a sigh of relief. Humarap naman sa kanya ang pari. "Mr. Terrence Calleja, do you take Ms. Isabella Zapante as your wife?"

He looked at me and stared at me like I'm the most precious thing he's ever seen. "Yes, father. I will take Ms. Isabella Zapante as my wife. I will love her even after I die. I will take care of her... I promise."

Natawa ako sa sinabi nito. Hindi ko na napansin pa ang ibang tao sa paligid namin. Siya lang ang nakikita ng mga tao ko. Siya lang ang naririnig ng puso ko at alam kong ganun din siya.

"Then you may now kiss the--"

Hindi na natapos ng pari ang sasabihin at agad akong siniil ni Terrence ng halik. Agad naman akong tumugon. Halos hindi niya ako bitawan na para bang nangungulila siya sa mga halik ko.

"Akala ko nagbago ang isip mo kanina." Bulong niya.

I chuckled. "About what?"

"About marrying me. He asked you three times and you didn't answer at tila ba ang lalim ng iniisip mo. You scared the hell out of me."

Umiling ako. "Walang dahilan para umatras ako sa kasal na toh. I love you. I want to be with you. Kahit ilang beses pa tayong ikasal, palaging Oo ang isasagot ko."

"I love you too. Parang sasabog ang dibdib ko sa saya. Hindi ako makapaniwalang kasal na talaga tayo."

We kissed each other again. We heard people around us talking. Mukhang atat na magpakuha ng picture. Pero hindi kami nagpaawat ni Terrence. Moment namin toh, okey? Bahala silang magpicture-picture diyan.

We've talked about getting married a lot of times. Some of them consists of empty promises. Saka ilang beses na di natuloy ang mga planong yun dahil lagi na lang may nangyayari. The road we took to arrive at this very moment was hard... But it was a good journey. We made memories that are worth fighting for. Laging sinasabi ng mga tao na yung mga mahihirap mong pinagdaanan ang magpapalakas sayo. But I don't agree with that. It's the memories you made within that journey that makes you stronger. Kaya kahit ano pang mangyari, kahit ano pang problema ang dumating, di nun matitinag ang pagmamahal namin sa isa't isa, imbes ay mas lalo lang itong titibay. Kasi may mga alaala kaming mababalikan... Mga alaalang nagpapatunay kung gaano kami katatag.

Don't worry, this is not the end. This is only the beginning of our adventure as husband and wife but I'm already excited. I guess that's what love means. It makes you hyped about the future.

--THE END--