Confronting Fear

Future

"Everything's so blurry
And everyone's so fake
And everybody's empty
And everything is so messed up
Preoccupied without you
I cannot live at all
My whole world surrounds you
I stumble then I crawl"
Blurry - Puddle of Mudd

Rey sank into one of the upholstered chairs with a frustrated yowl. His future? What the fuck did that even mean? It's not like he was capable of truly caring about her, he was Kylo Ren!!! He was a man that had murdered his own father, inflicted his mother with horrific pain and caused the deaths of countless others. He was a monster.

And yet... four hours earlier she wouldn't have believed it was possible, but he had released her friends - at her request- and she was sitting in a room designed specifically for her. Wait, that wasn't caring it was creepy. He'd had this prepared Maker only knows how far in advance on the off chance she might be here some day? But the way he had looked at her before he left, it had made her feel wanted, something she had been desperate to feel her entire life. Was it possible he had begun to change? That Ben Solo, the man Leia had so desperately believed was still in there had begun to reemerge?

She hadn't told Leia, since wasn't completely sure she wasn't imagining things. She swore she had felt his presence nearby a handful of times during the last year. Each time his aura had felt different. Less dark. She had told her self she was dreaming, but doubt had always existed.

Base, Pasana, Kajimi, the rescue mission, Ren. How had all of this happened in less than a standard day? She wasn't even sure how it was possible. She was exhausted, and suddenly HUNGRY. Her attention immediately drawn to the kitchenette.

It was certainly well stocked, which made sense in that he didn't want droids in the suite. She didn't know what most of the stuff was so she selected at random. With the exception of some sort of spikey fruit that was, perhaps the sourest item in the galaxy, it was delicious.

Her hunger sated, she wandered into the bed chamber, her curiosity overcoming her fatigue. She first inspected the bookshelf, noticing the wide range of subjects covered, though most seemed to be about history. She would definitely be revisiting that shelf once she could see straight. Her attention turned to the refresher. She needed a shower and a good night's sleep. She would need it in the future if she were to have a chance against Palpatine.

It was as luxurious as the rest of the suite, with a shower and a large bath tub. A simple wooden rack was covered in fluffy towels, a small cabinet held every toiletry imaginable. She mentally thanked Rose.

Growing up in the desert of Jakku, Rey had never been taught anything other than the most basic hygiene. Soap was scarce, as was water. Rey had always been able to keep herself clean, she knew what could happen if she didn't. More than one resident of Niima Outpost had contracted nasty infections due to poor hygiene and she was not going to make that mistake. However, she lacked any sort of knowledge regarding the finer points of grooming.

Rose had noticed her confusion regarding a bottle of shampoo and had taken it upon herself to teach Rey about these things. And that was how Rey had come to know about such bathing staples as shampoo, lotion, and shaving her legs.

That was a memory that made her smile, Rose enthusiasticly waving around a razor, completely oblivious to Rey's embarrassment. In the year Rey had known Rose she had become like a sister to her. She was so happy that Finn had found such a wonderful girlfriend, even if she secretly envied their closeness. Not that Rey felt that way about Finn, it was more that she wanted to experience that sort of relationship herself. She had wondered if her feelings for Poe might someday lead to that.

Rey mentally shook herself out of her reverie and gathered her necessary supplies. She looked longingly at the tub but decided she would not be able to enjoy it in her current state. Besides it was big enough for both her and Kylo to fit in. What? What had she just thought about? Maker, she was losing her mind!

She quickly showered and dried herself off, feeling deliciously clean for the first time in days. Now to dress for bed. Rey eyed her dirty clothes on the bench preparing to at least wear her underthings before she remembered the wardrobe outside the door.

Inside Rey found a decent selection of clothing, all in her size, because of course it was. This included a drawer of undergarments, which made her blush a bit. She allowed herself to think that a droid or servant had stocked it. She also noticed that while almost everything was black, there was a small amount of muted color scattered throughout. She specifically noticed the signature long scarves she often wore draped over her tunic and tucked under her belt were available in forest green, dusky purple, grey, and navy blue. She quickly slipped into a long shirt and underwear before climbing into the smooth bedsheets, thoughts of the future swirling in her mind. Despite the weight of the galaxy resting on her shoulders, despite the infuriating man next door, despite her dread of the next morning, she slipped easily into sleep.