Confronting Fear

Coruscant

Just to know you walked away, from me
When I needed you the most
I dont want to live without you
I dont want to die alone
I hope this whole thing works out for you
My lonely Desert Rose

Desert Rose - Ghost Machine

Rey woke to what felt like a hangover even though she knew she hadn't been drinking. The adventures of Mustafar flooded her brain, starting with the voices in the Fortress and ending with her screaming at Kylo. How had she gotten back to her own bed aboard the ship? As she turned, her shoulder protested with what felt like an overused muscle instead as if a dagger was lodged in it as it had last night. How long had she been out for it to have healed so much already?

Only for a night, sweetheart. The wonders of modern medicine.

Rey groaned. Just what she needed on top of all the rest of it. As she slid off the bed to stand, she realized she was dressed in what appeared to be a black hospital gown, her own clothes in a clear bag by her bed. Had Kylo changed her?

As fun as that would have been Princess, the female physician did it. I wouldn't want to damage your delicate sensibilities.

Was this really what she had to look forward to all day? No, she had other important things to do.

She reached out to speak with him through the bond. She hadn't been able to speak before but it had been a while since she tried. "Can you please come in an hour? I have something very important to discuss with you. Bring the lightsaber." She waited, wondering if it had worked.

Yes.

An hour later a showered and fed Rey was in the seating area of her suite wearing simple black leggings and a charcoal grey tunic when the Supreme Leader decided to grace her with his presence.

"Good morning." Rey said, trying not to sound as miserable as she felt.

"Afternoon. You were out for quite a while." He actually sounded somewhat concerned.

She groaned. "I want to apologize for the way I acted on the shuttle. I was in pain and upset by what happened, whatever the hell it was that actually happened. I should have handled it differently."

Kylo seemed surprised by her genuine apology.

"I know what happened to you, at least a little of it. Luke filled me in after your grandfather dropped me into a tunnel."
.
Kylo's head snapped to attention,"Luke?".

Rey could hear the thinly veiled rage in his voice. Best to tread lightly. She nodded. "He said I was facing something called the Trial of Spirit, that I had to face my fears.... He also told me something else."

She took a deep breathe. In his mind Anakin's saber was almost as revered as Vader's mask. He was furious that it had chosen her and she knew he only returned it out of necessity. "Try and activate the saber."

Kylo looked confused as he removed the saber from his belt, looking like it's usual self. When he tried to activate it, it did the same for him as it had for her.... nothing.

"What happened? What did you do to it?" She prickled at the accusation.

"Nothing. Luke said the crystal inside died, that its Force was gone. He said that it was time to find my crystal and build my own saber."

Kylo seemed to accept the explanation, though she tell from his aura he was not happy about it.

"Did Luke tell you where to find one by chance? Most of the places they grow have been destroyed."

"He did actually. He said there was a hidden stash at the Jedi temple on Coruscant."

Three hours later Kylo was once again piloting the shuttle out of the hangar. He had checked before he left, it was much better stocked than before. Anakin's broken saber was on his belt next to his. Broken or otherwise, he couldn't bear to part with it, even if his grandfather had just completely broken him down.

He sat back and considered the events of the last standard day. The only logical conclusion he could come to was that the Force was trying to do him in for good. He also considered Rey as she meditated for guidance.

He had been surprised by her apology, but couldn't help but notice she hadn't apologized for what she said, only how she said it. She still planned on trying to leave him. Luke must have done something to make her want to leave. Of course he had. He'd tried to destroy Kylo any number of times. Now he was turning Rey against him. Even after death he was interfering. She'd said staying would kill her, he needed her to understand that her leaving would kill him.

He closed his eyes trying to catch a nap. He hadn't slept on the shuttle back from Mustafar and hadn't done much better after arriving back at the Steadfast. What little sleep he had gotten was plagued with nightmares. He couldn't remember the details, only that Rey was in them.

Coruscant was much closer than Mustafar and they'd be arriving at the temple around midnight, which was ideal. The shuttle's exterior contained pucks that reflected radar, rendering it invisible except to the most sophisticated of sensors. As the Supreme Leader he could of course get access easily but he didn't want to announce their arrival. The temple still had it's own landing pad, though now likely overgrown with brush. If he approached it the slowly, no one would notice their presence.

He hoped this went more smoothly than Mustafar had. He knew the temple was a locus for both Dark and Light and therefore dangerous. It had served as Palpatine's residence during the days of the Empire, which could be either a good or bad thing for Rey. As both a Palpatine and a Jedi, the structure was the perfect metaphor for Rey's very existence. It was almost poetic that her crystal would be here.

He also knew Rey had to enter alone. He wasn't happy about it but this was an important rite for Rey that could not be overlooked. He knew, as much as he wished, that he couldn't protect her from everything. She would be fine, she had to be.

Rey opened her eyes as the shuttle dropped out of lightspeed. Meditation had calmed her and she felt far more rested than before, the Force working it's way through her aching joints. Unfortunately, it hadn't told her much about what was coming. She moved to the cockpit as Kylo gracefully landed the ship on the overgrown landing pad. "Good to know you can actually land a ship. What you did in the hangar a few days ago was pathetic."

Kylo took the jab in stride. "I was in a hurry, Scavenger."

Rey rolled her eyes. She was trying to project confidence even though fear was tearing at her insides. She knew she had to confront it, but it was easier said than done. She turned to Kylo as she exited the ship. It was about quarter mile walk to the temple proper, its five spires standing like broken guardians over the base.  He looked at her with concern. "I'll walk you to the steps but cannot enter."

During the walk he explained the philosophy behind the experience and what to expect. "Finding your crystal is a very personal experience. The Force will guide you to it. After, you will meditate over it, infusing it with your own energy. Then you will construct your own saber. But, that can be done back on the ship. I don't know how long this will take or what you will face inside. I expect that we won't be able to reach across our bond, like on Mustafar."

Rey nodded as they approached the imposing double doors of the main entrance. "Well here I go!" She tried to sound cheerful as she shouldered her small pack. As she turned Kylo leaned over and kissed her cheek, making her blush.

"For luck."