Confronting Fear

Insomnia

It's 4:03 and I can't sleep
Without you next to me I
Toss and turn like the sea
If I drown tonight, bring me
Back to life
Breathe your breath in me
The only thing that I still believe
In is you, if you only knew

If You Only Knew - Shinedown

Tomorrow is day three.

The thought filled Ben's mind as he lay awake staring at the ceiling as he'd done so often recently. Ben rarely slept well, but it was worse than ever now, now that he knew what sleeping next to Rey felt like. They'd been separated a week before the meeting with Leia and had seen each other only a few hours before the Force called her off Vatleria. It was mind-boggling how quickly he'd become used to her presence nearby. The lack of sleep coupled with his concern for his mother was taking its toll.

Adding to his worry was that he'd been unable to contact her. Her comforting presence in the back of his mind felt as though it had been replaced by a hollow impostor, leaving him completely alone. But, it was there, which meant Rey was alive. And while connecting had been impossible some feeling had filtered through. He'd sensed in her the same loneliness he'd felt so many times over the course of his own life, along with resolve and determination. He had not sensed pain or distress which he interpreted to mean that while she was lonely, she was in no danger.

Like me.

The information Mitaka had dug up about Vatleria had been sparse. The planet was uninhabited and had no documented predators that would pose a threat to a human. Interestingly enough, there were a surprisingly large number of reports of ships and their crews going missing in that area, everything from freighters to an Imperial Star Destroyer that was never seen again. The Star Destroyer was especially interesting as those ships would have been covered in tracking sensors, enough that if the ship had been attacked at least some wreckage would have been able to be traced. The First Order was still getting random signals from pieces of the Supremacy.

There were two possibilities that explained the missing Star Destroyer. The first that the records were incomplete. Much had been lost when the Rogue One team had destroyed the station on Scariff and even more was lost when the Empire fell for good. The ship could easily have been found and the records were gone. The second, was the Force was at work there. Normally, he'd suspect the first explanation as the most likely but given Rey's vision the second was probably it. If so that meant a locus, vergence, or powerful relic was there. He didn't know which to wish for or if he should be comforted or concerned.

Giving up on sleep, he left his bed with a grunt, feet bare against the cold floor. He went to the table in his office and examined the artifacts stored on it, but didn't really see them. As he had done the past few nights, he removed Rey's white shirt from the box he kept it in. He hadn't brought himself to return it and she had neither noticed or asked about it. He was sure he was imagining it, but the fabric seemed to be permanently imbued with her warmth and scent.

It's because you love her.

Ben sighed, folding the shirt back into its box before returning to his bed, wishing for the ten-thousandth time that Rey was in it. He couldn't even see her in his dreams anymore.

At least there was one good thing coming in the morning. Tomorrow was day three and either Rey would be returning or he'd be going to retrieve her.

Rey let the hot water of the shower beat down on her shoulders, working away the aches of the day. The temple had no real plumbing so she had to return to her ship to shower and check on Deo. Her thoughts wandered to Ben as they so often did, the loneliness taking hold. She had been unable to contact him either through the ship's communications systems or through the Dyad Bond. The bond was still there but it was fuzzy, like a bad comm signal that couldn't connect.